18 Tips To Save Your
How To Bring Back The Romance
Have you started to notice the warning signs that suggest your relationship is in trouble or do you feel as if there something missing in your love life?
Relationships matter, they are one humans fundamental human needs. They provide us with intimacy, emotional closeness, companionship.
But good long lasting relationships, don't usually happen by accident. They take work and commitment, by both parties.
All relationships have their ups and down. Sometimes, you have to learn life lesson from your bad times, to help you make your relationship better.
However, so people, don't learn from the bad times. Or they learn the wrong lesson, or they make an effort for a while, but soon they slip back into their old bad habits and patterns.
Many people are researching, how to save their relationship, and most relationships, breakups can be avoided, if you both learn positive lessons together.
The key to saving your relationship is to learn from your mistakes or where you have gone wrong. Then you have to apply the right strategies and lessons so you can rekindle the love and passion.
Saving your relationship is not the best of terms, it kind of applies, having to make an effort. Which is not very natural, because it suggests that you feel as if you're having to force yourselves to try and make it work.
This approach, may work for a while, but if you're not careful, you can soon end up back in a rut and fall into those old destructive patterns.
When you first met and fell in love. You did not have to try and make it work, everything just flowed and happened naturally. So isn't better, to turn back the clocks and try and return to how you were when you first met.
Because it was desire and love, that made everything happen in the beginning and that's what made your relationship magical and special.
So one of the key's to saving your relationship, is to maintain that desire and love and bring back the excitement and romance.
All relationships need effort backed with positive energy. But saving your relationship should be made fun, which should involve, putting back the spark back into it.
If your relationship is going bad, then, to avoid a divorce or breakup. One of you, preferably both. Has to do or change something quickly, to prevent things deteriorating any further.
The best way to save your relationship is, for both of you, to change the things that you have been doing wrong in your relationship.
A simple strategy to follow is to eliminate all the bad, negative and toxic stuff and add or bring back the good and enjoyable.
Maybe a far better way to go about saving your relationship, is to find ways to make your relationship better than ever, so you can reignite the passion, closeness and love again.
A happy relationship is good for you, your health and well-being
A bad relationship full of bickering and resentment is neither healthy or good for both of you, therefore it is important to try and make your relationship work.
Because, a good healthy relationship can help to make you feel good and boost your self esteem and it is one of basic emotional needs, it can also keep you happy and healthy.
Statistics show that couples who have a great and a happy, healthy relationship, can live longer lives.
One of the best recipes for a successful relationship is commitment. You both need to be fully committed to making your relationship work in all area's of your relationship.
1) Respect your partner
One of the major reasons for why couples think about ending their relationship is because they say that they feel as if their partners do not respect them anymore.
Many people who are on the verge of a relationship breakup, also feel that when they feel like their partners no longer respect them. It chips away at their self esteem and self worth.
People who have a healthy and loving relationship. Respect, love, value and support their partners. They also recognize the importance of their partner's independence and the need to pursue their own interests.
A good relationship requires honesty, trust and respect, which should involve, talking freely and openly to each other, and making joint decisions together.
Showing some respect to your partner, with both words and actions, can do wonders to your relationship, but also respect yourself and ask to be respected back. Have your own input, opinions
Keeping a healthy relationship, requires the understanding, that your partners is not you, and you don't own them.
They have their own life and wants, and as long as they are not doing anything to hurt or harm you, then you should allow them, to do their own things at times.
It is both in your own interests to understand the other person as a unique individual and learn how to work around and include your needs with his or hers.
Encouraging your partners and supporting in their quest to achieve what he or she wants to achieve, can help to make your relationship stronger.
2) Try and avoid arguing and shouting
If you want a happy and loving relationship, do you utmost best to try and avoid arguing or confrontations.
Ask yourself. Has arguing, ever helped your relationship, have you ever gained anything good from arguing, does it ever resolve your problems or settle your differences.
Normally, when two people argue, it leads to more hostility, anger, retaliation and bad situations. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with each other.
But if in the heat of the moment, it is better, not to say anything that you know will fuel your argument, even if you feel like getting it off your chest or you want to say it.
It is better off, biting your tongue and saving things, until you have moth cooled down. Just keep on saying to yourself, don't say it, don't say it, and hold back from letting it all out.
You cannot stop all the thoughts that are pushing you to say what you think, but you don't have to listen to them or run with them.
We can easily miss-read a situation, especially if we have let our imagination run riot about what we think our partner has done wrong, don't always trust your imagination or you could be heading for trouble.
This one sided view is usually totally the opposite to what the other one said and really meant, but we don't listen to the rest once we have made our minds up.
So it pays to listen and not just make presumptions which are only based on what you have been looking for, always remember if you look for problems you usually find them even when there aren't any.
Making your partner feel unimportant, unloved or unworthy, is not healthy for your relationship or their self value and self esteem.
Persistent put-downs or trying to get one over with your partner or throwing unreasonable accusations are all forms emotional abuse, which will put a strain on your relationship.
3) Improve your relationship by reducing your own stress and anger
You may not think it is important. But how you think and feel about your partner and your emotional and physical state and your life in general, can have a massive impact on the quality of your relationship.
We all think and act with our emotions and it is very hard to save your relationship if you're in a stressful, negative or angry state.
Because when you're feeling overly stressed or tense, it can put you in a bad or negative mood. This can lead to tension and feelings of irritation, which can spill out into your relationship, in negative and damaging ways.
Your emotions think you, and when you're in a negative state, then you see and imagine the worse case scenario and you see the worst in your partner.
So if you're experiencing a lot of stress or negative emotions, then it can pay to find methods to relax, chill out and reduce your stress.
Thinking angry thoughts about your partner or focusing on everything going wrong, will not help to repair your relationship.
Sometimes you have to live and learn, forgive and forget, as well as knowing when to let go.
You will often find, that when you both calm down and you let go or accept your situation, and you take your focus off all your relationship problems and your partner.
Although you should respect and be kind to your partner and spend some quality time together.
The best way to improve your relationship on the outside, is to improve your relationship, with you on the inside and focus on being happy and at peace with you.
Because, when you only try to improve things in the material world, without you both addressing your own emotional problems and insecurities, then any improvements, might only be temporary.
Focus on you first, have some me time and do the things you enjoy. Very often you will find, when there is a calm energy, things will start to get better.
Because, positive energy brings about positive circumstances, and when you're both happy, calm and content, you will have the recipe for a successful relationship.
Whilst, stress, anger or tension can cause you to instantly react badly, at the very slightest thing causing you to say and do things that you later regret.
Not only can this make you a bad person to live with, it can also affect your partners mood and ways of thinking.
If the both of you are in a negative or bad mood at the same time. Then there is a high chance that it will lead to conflict between the two of you.
Stress and tension forces us to take action. If your stress or anger resolves around your relationship issues. Then the strong emotions, will push you into a fight or confrontation with your body.
Often one silly little thing, at a time when one or both of you are feeling a bit angry, frustrated or stressed, can escalate into a nasty full blown out argument.
4) Only talk, when you are both feeling calm
If you're not happy with the way your partner is acting or treating you. Make sure you calm yourself down before you voice your concern.
Then when you are calm and you have a clear head. Ask them in a non confrontational way, because a calm and positive approach will get always a better reaction than a negative one.
Try and avoid accusing them of things or jumping to conclusions. If you're feeling unhappy with the way they have been behaving or treating you.
In a calm manner, try and get them to justify their actions or try and get them to explain themselves. Ask them nicely to give a reason for how they are, or have been behaving.
You could start off by saying something like
I don't want to upset you, but there has been something that has been bothering me.
If it is you that has been doing something that has been upsetting your partner. Let him/her know the reasons why you're doing it.
Or apologize or let him know, you had no idea that it was upsetting him/her.
Explaining the reasons why you're doing what you're doing, can soothe your partners worrying or angry mind, and save many arguments.
Be careful asking too many intrusive questions, as that can make him/her think that you're interrogating them.
If you have been assuming that your partner doesn't care, and you have challenged them about this, and they have replied. By trying to reassure you that they do care.
Then normally, if they are trying to let you know that they do care. Then they probably do.
5) Don't let your ego, get in the way
You cannot always agree on everything. But you can learn to disagree without falling out and without yelling and screaming at each other.
One of the biggest causes of arguments and resentments is caused by, one of you always wanting to be right or have your own way.
Remember, you are two totally different people, with sometimes different idea's and points of view, so you need to consider your partners wants and opinions.
Trying to please our own ego and wanting to get our own way or wanting to be right all the time, is also one of the biggest causes of relationship conflicts.
Very little is achieved or gained through having blazing arguments or rows with each other. But, very often, there is a lot to lose.
What is the point in satisfying your ego, if it is damaging your relationship. Although you should have your own views, needs and opinions.
If you are both feeling a bit upset and angry. It is best that you avoid talking until you have both cooled down.
At times you feel angry, or in the heat of the moment, never try to
- Intentionally emotionally hurt or upset your partner
- Never try to seek revenge or get your own back
- Avoid dragging up the past or throwing things back into their face.
Every minute you're thinking angry thoughts or thoughts of revenge, you're damaging yourself and you run the risk of ruining your relationship.
This does not mean that you should shut up and allow your partner to treat you badly or take you for granted.
But, sometimes, you just have to learn to forgive and forget or to let things go.
6) Try to avoid conflict
One of the worse things that you can do is to rub your partner up the wrong way, with critical statements that cause conflict and bad feelings.
Try to avoid statements that you know will lead to an argument or conflict. If you're feeling unhappy or upset over something concerning your partner.
A few well chosen words, can help to get your own way, and avoid conflict.
Often when we want something to change in our relationship, we use negative statements to get our point across.
But that rarely helps us to get what we want, and it can result in exactly the opposite, or at best a forced change.
There are better ways of getting what you want, and it is always better to first try a positive approach.
So, instead of saying things that start with you never
"You never listen/talk to me anymore"
Re-frame it to something like,
"Wouldn't be nice to spend some time together and have a nice chat"
If you find yourself about to say something that starts with the word you're always
"You're always having a go at me"
Re-frame it to something like
"Life would be a lot easier if we got on better"
If you're unhappy, because your partner makes your home untidy
" I am fed up with you, always making the house untidy"
Re-frame it to something like
"Wouldn't it be nice, to have a clean and tidy house
If you keep complaining about your partner hardly ever takes you out and you say things like
" You never take me anywhere nice anymore"
"I would love to spend some nice days/evenings out together"
If you go rushing in with negative words like, never or always, then it will cause a bad reaction, and your partner will either clam up or it will end up in another argument.
But if you use positive words, then it should result in a better and more positive outcome.
7) Be prepared to listen to each other
It is important that you listen to your partner and you take their views, concerns, opinions and needs seriously.
Often when there is a growing or a festering problem in a relationship, the other party can overlook it or not take their partner seriously enough.
Some people can get a bit complacent. Often they will assume that once they're married or in a long term relationship, everything will always be fine.
When a partner voices a concern or they express that they're not happy at the moment over something, then it's easy to not listen to them or take them seriously enough.
Some think that their partner's problem or their relationship problem will go away or they are being silly or over reacting.
But what might seem trivial an unimportant to one person, might be a major problem to another.
When you get complacent or you're too busy or too occupied with something else to listen, then this can be a recipe for relationship problems, later down the line.
The same applies when you don't take the problem seriously, you ignore the problem and your partner or you don't accept that there is a problem that needs addressing.
One of the worse things that you can do, is failing to listen to a relationship problem, or you carry on doing the things that are upsetting or irritating your partner.
Listening and being considerate to your partner, can help to build you a better relationship, but very often, people leave it far too late, to put right.
One way to make your relationship work is. If your partner has a problem or a need, or if they let you know that they're not happy with you or they don't like what you are or are not doing.
Then you need to either stop doing it, pay attention, or work through and fix your problem.
Our ego, can destroy our relationship. None of us likes to think, were wrong, we have flaws or were at fault. But sometimes we have to take look at ourselves, instead of putting all the blame on our partners.
You should also listen to what they have to say and try and be interested in their everyday life.
Like their conversations, their hobbies or likes, and most importantly, listen and pay attention to them.
Because, it is far too easy to get engaged in what you're doing or watching on TV, instead of listening to what your partner has to say.
8) Pay some attention to yourself
If you decide your relationship is worth saving then the first thing you need to do is to take a look at yourself. Ask yourself, could you have done more to make your relationship better.
The golden rule is, if you do sort things out. You want to make sure you don't make the same mistakes again, otherwise you will end back up at square one.
This does not mean you should blame yourself. Just see what area's you could improve on, in your relationship.
You may need to spend some time working on yourself. If you have any relationship insecurities or your own personal insecurities. Then this can put a strain on you and your relationships.
It is also important to learn how to master your emotions and stop all the catastrophic or worse case scenario thinking patterns.
When you feel insecure then this can cause you to constantly seek reassurance, which is not a very attractive trait to have.
If you're feeling angry or stressed, then this can manifest itself out into relationship problems. When you're in a negative emotional state, you tend to only see the bad and you overlook the good.
A negative mindset and stressful state, can make you more confrontational and put you in a worse case scenario or get your own back mindset.
When you look for problems, you usually find them and you end up winding yourself up to the point where you just cannot help saying and doing the wrong things.
Take some time, learning to relax, and focus on doing more of the things you enjoy. Try not to think about all your relationship issues or worries.
When you feel calm and at peace. You, will both benefit.
Let go of your insecurities, and learn to love and like yourself because if you don't accept and love you, then how can you expect somebody to love you back.
Treat yourself well, like yourself and respect yourself, if you don't like yourself or treat yourself well then how can you expect others to treat you well.
If you wish to save your relationship, then be happy and love yourself unconditionally. Because, when you do, others will want to be around you more.
After the honeymoon period is over we are all a little bit guilty of falling into the complacency and taking each other for granted trap.
Have you been taking your partner for granted. Have you stopped paying them so much attention as you used to, do you spend a bit too much time, with your friends and families.
Have you stopped being spontaneous and become a little too predictable and set in your ways. Or, have you stopped appreciating your partner.
If so, try and be a bit more considerate and appreciative towards your partner, people like to feel appreciated.
Ask your partner what they like to do, try taking up new interests and activities together, try and introduce a bit more passion and sparkle in your relationship, an element of surprise every now and again can do wonders.
Having some mini breaks away can put the sparkle back into your life as can buying them some small presents and gifts from time to time.
Try to avoid pushing your partner into doing things that they don't want to do, what they don't enjoy and what they don't like doing. Just to try and make you feel happy.
10) Take good care of yourself
Even though in marriage vows, it states the phrase.
"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse"
Sadly, a big increase in weight gain, is listed in the top ten, reasons why couples get divorced or separated.
The reason for this is believed, that some partners, feel less physically attracted to their partner, if they have significantly put on a lot of weight.
A lot of weight gain, can also cause the individual to feel more self conscious and it can lead to self esteem issues, which can cause problems with intimacy.
For anybody who has gained weight, You should never feel forced into losing weight or doing anything that you don't want to do.
What you do, should be your decision, and you should avoid going on any crash unhealthy diets.
These days, the best ways to lose weight, are by introducing some healthy lifestyle changes, which should ideally include. Keeping fit, reducing your stress and eating a healthy, well balanced, and varied diet.
Portion control and keeping active, is generally all that is needed.
Although you cannot stop the aging process, you can slow it down, and keep yourself looking fit and attractive.
11) Has your relationship and life become more of a routine
Like everything else in life when you repeat doing the same things over and over again, then they can become a little bit dull and mundane.
Life should be exciting, varied and enjoyable. You have to bare in mind that you are going to be spending a large part of your life together so you need to keep that spark and magic alive.
It can be bad enough having to do a boring repetitive job, the last thing that you want is to allow your relationship to become routine and dull.
People tend to do the same things week in week out. Although there is nothing wrong with that, if you're both happy, sometimes we need to be more active and outgoing.
Even though you may be happy with the way things are. It does not necessarily mean that your partner is happy, they might just be going through the motions, to please you.
You could try and do different things from time to time, visit different places together, add a few pleasant unplanned surprises every now and again. Ask your partner what they would like to do.
Being a little bit more spontaneous and adventurous can do wonders to your relationship, if you want to keep your partner happy then you may need to break the normal habits and patterns of behaviors.
You don't have to both go to bed and wake up at the same time, and you have not got to stick to doing things in the same order and at the same time each day.
12) Avoid too much nagging, criticizing and complaining
Try not to be too overly critical about your partner as this can put a strain on your relationship. Even if you feel the need to criticize. Take a deep breath and hold back, then try a softer more subtle approach.
Because, constant negative criticism is one of the biggest causes of the demise of your relationship.
When you nag, complain, criticize or put your partner down all the time. Then it can leave them feeling as if they have to tread on egg shells or they just can't seem to do anything right.
Then they are also going to feel, unloved, diminished and not valued or appreciated.
Criticism and nagging comes from a negative state, and any form of negativity in a relationship is bad for the both of you.
When you react negatively to your partner all the time, then it is going to result in friction and conflict, which is going to damage your relationship.
This is not good for you or your partners emotional well-being and happiness. Eventually, it can lead to the possibility of the breakdown of your relationship.
If you are critical of your partner all the time. Then this can mean that you are spending too much time in a negative state yourself.
Ideally you should be making your partner feel valued and happy as well as working on making your relationship stronger, instead of destroying your relationship and your partners self worth.
Another common mistake people make, is wanting to be right or wanting to have their own way all the time.
This does not mean that you have to agree with your partner about everything. But there are better ways of going about things.
If you're criticizing your partner. Then this can suggest you are feeling discontented with your circumstances, or you want them to do something or change their ways.
Again, instead of being critical in the hope you will get what you want. Try to inspire him/her in a positive and encouraging manner or express your desires in a positive way.
As before you can use words like.
"I would really love it if............"
" I wish you would........."
By delivering what you want in a positive way. You avoid all the anger, hurt and resentment. And the more you do this, the better chance you will have of getting what you wish without and conflict.
This means you will be happy and your partner will feel happier, valued and loved.
If you find yourself being critical a lot. Then this could also be an indication, that your emotional needs and wants are not being met.
Maybe you feel disappointed with your partner and your relationship at the moment. If this is the case, then you both might need to work on seeing how you can make things better.
13) Do not try to change or control your partner
Are you or have you been unreasonable in your behaviors or demands,
If you or your partner are using dominant or physiological and emotional pressure to get your own way or to try and change them, control them or bring them around so they conform to your beliefs and idea's then that will never work.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is wanting everything your own way or assuming you are always right,
You are both individuals, your partner is not your property or toy to play with. Remember, they have feelings and wants.
It is fine to have discussions, but you cannot force your opinions or idea's onto your partner.
It is not wise to try and bring them round to your way of thinking all the time. Your job is not to try to control the other person or try to change him or her to go in a direction that you want, if it goes against their wishes.
Avoid trying to mold them into something that conforms to your beliefs or likes, your partner as committed a large part of their life to be with you so always be grateful and appreciative for that.
When you're out socializing, be careful not to ignore your partner or put them down to get a cheap laugh, treat them as your best friend as well as your lover.
Because relationships won't work if you are trying to control the actions of your partner, everybody see's things differently and thinks differently.
We are all individuals, showing respect, appreciation and being nice is by far the best option, because the more you give the more you will receive back from them.
14) Express Your Feelings
Sometimes it can pay to express your feelings and appreciation in the form of words and actions and it's not all about words.
Being kind and considerate and treating your partner with a day out or a few gifts can help to show you still care, try to put some sparkle back into your relationship.
Try switching your thinking of your relationship not working, because the more you focus on the bad things about your relationship the more you will be moving all your energy and attention onto breaking up.
If you can, try and focus on things improving, if you find that too hard just go general with your thinking and forget about all your current troubles.
This will take all the pressure off yourself and it will put you in a better feeling place which will give you a better chance of working things out.
15) Still pursue your own hobbies and interests
All though it is a good idea to give and take a little in your relationship. And being kind and considerate is always a good policy.
That does not mean that you should have to compromise and give up everything just to please somebody else.
To make a relationship work you both need to be happy and if you think that you have to compromise and give up all your hobbies and interests to please your partner.
Then that will still leave you feeling a bit resentful and dissatisfied. The same applies to your partner, so give them a bit of freedom, to pursue their own hobbies and interests.
Long term, it cannot be a good idea to sacrifice doing something you like just to please your partner, or end arguments and disputes,
The idea is to keep your partner happy because if they are happy then that can only improve their relationship with you, so everybody wins.
When you give someone an ultimatum like, choose between me and your hobby or interests, then that will put more strain on your relationship.
If they are spending all their time pursuing their own interests, careers and likes then that is a bit different, but no one should have to compromise.
You can pursue your own individual paths and still have time for each other. As you have got trusts, then there are no reasons why you should have to do everything together.
That may initial work at the start, but it is not always a recipe for a successful relationship long term unless you both like doing the same things.
16) Don't Allow Outside Influences To Interfere
Today, modern couples seem to face more pressures than our predecessors, the economic downfall and the ever rising cost of living is forcing more and more couples to work longer hours for no extra benefits.
The stress of the modern day life and financial difficulties has been listed as to some of the main reasons relationships are breaking down amongst other things.
The high price of property and buying your own house has put untold pressure on many young couples.
Marriage guidance and counselling can benefit some couples, however, this can be expensive and it does not always work and the high cost of marriage guidance will only add to the already too high cost of living.
The stresses of bringing up children can if you let it put a strain on your relationship. Your emotional state and your attitude can be the difference between a happy and successful relationship and one that is doomed to failure.
Every couple needs some quality time they can spend alone without the burden of the kids coming between you. So if you can send the kids off to their grandparents for the occasional weekend now and again.
Also, be careful when you're discussing your personal problems with friend and family because what they advice might not always be in the best interests for you.
Sometimes other people's opinions can be good advice, other times they opinions are based around their own experiences and perceptions.
17) A temporary cooling off period can help
If you have reached a point of stalemate and all else has failed, then sometimes a temporary separation can just take the pressure off both of you can help you to sort out your relationships.
Very often it is the case of, you don't know what good you had until it's gone.
You don't want a total separation where you lose touch and contact with each other, just a short period of time apart so you can both de-stress and calm down.
If you choose this route it can be beneficial to still meet up see each other once or twice a week just to keep in touch with each other.
Turn back the clocks and start to date each other, like when you first met, go to the cinema a restaurant or for a few days out.
Some people choose to take a holiday instead of a temporary separation to try and rekindle the old passion which has been lost with all the emotional strains some relationships experience.
We can all tend to become complacent and even begin to neglect ourselves so there is no harm in getting into shape and doing some exercise or going to the gym.
Although you may be convinced your marriage is falling apart and it is destined for failure, there are a lot of measures which you can both take to stave off the expensive counselling and the misery and hardship that divorce and separation can have on both of you and your children if you have any.
No matter what the circumstances and regardless of who is to blame there is very rarely such a circumstance of a hopeless case where the relationship cannot be saved.
Communication is a vital element in making your relationship work. Talking, rather than shouting, helps defuse conflict.
But it is not just about talking about your relationship difficulties and your difference of opinions either.
Sometimes, everyday small talk and everyday communication are missing in a relationship. Especially if the one or both partners have to work long hours.
We all get tired, and we all have our own interests or TV programs that we like to watch. But, it can really help, to spend a bit of quality time, have a discussion with your partner.
Another common problem that can damage a relationship is. When one partner tends to ignore the other when they are out socializing. It can be easy to start to neglect your partner, and leave them feeling left out.
Making an effort to involve them and listen to what they have to say, as well paying them a bit of attention, can go a long way to keeping your relationship alive.
If you're stuck for things to say. Ask them things like how their day went, what they have been up to or ask them how they are feeling, or just engage in everyday general chit chat.
The more you watch the same TV shows together and the more you share some of the same interests, the more you will have to talk about.
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