Experience The Difference Of Having A Healthy Level Of Self Esteem 

Before you can set about building your self esteem. It is important to understand what self esteem really means.

To define self esteem. It is how much you like yourself, how much you value yourself and you much you believe in you and your limitless abilities to learn and achieve great things.

You can have what may appear to be the ideal life and the perfect relationship. You can have a good career and you can have all the best and most expensive material possessions and the seemingly perfect life.

But, if you have low self esteem, because, deep down you do not like yourself, you do not think your good enough, you do not value yourself or you do not believe in yourself. 

Then all the material stuff and the perfect lifestyle, will means very little.

If you want to build your self esteem. The first step is do repeatedly tell yourself every day.

"I like myself"

When you start to like yourself, your self confidence in your self and your abilities, will increase.

Others people's nasty comments or negative suggestions can make us feel bad, if we accept them as being true.

But, what you say or tell yourself

Because if you don't like, value or accept yourself, including your perceived faults and weaknesses or you think your not good enough. 

Then you will feel the need to be liked by others. 

Not liking yourself can also make you want to seek approval or be complemented by others or make you want to be liked by others, just to give you a self esteem boost or to make you feel good about yourself.

This can cause you to feel as if you have to please, impress, agree with or conform with others, so you can feel liked. 

When you accept and like yourself unconditionally. 

Even though you should respect and treat others well, you won't have to go out of your way to please everybody else and you won't feel the need for others to make you feel good about yourself.

What is self esteem

Your self esteem is the very essence of your true identity and capabilities, it is who you are as a person and how you feel about yourself.

It is also everything that you have come to believe and accept about yourself and who you are and how you regard yourself internally.

If you want to feel naturally confident, then you need to have a good solid and healthy level of self esteem.

Many people try to fake their confidence until they make it, but that does not really work and it is hard going.

Because if you don't really believe at a deep and influential level that you're confident and good enough, then confidence won't come naturally as it should do.

True confidence is an outer reflection of inner confidence, where you like yourself and you respect yourself for who you are and the way you are.

Your self esteem is the foundation and the formula for a successful and happy life, it consists of your belief systems and the self image you hold about you. 

You or the opinion of others will create your beliefs about who you think you are and what you think that you're capable of.

What you come to believe about you and your abilities will either make you or break you. 

The benchmark for your self esteem is set at a very early age, as young children, we a very susceptible and receptive to what others say. 

Your level of self esteem is set by how you have reacted to your previous experiences, both successes and failures, however it is not fixed and it can be changed. 

Your self-image is neither true nor false, but it is true to you, it is what you have become based on how you view yourself at this present moment of time. 

Your self image is formed on how you gauge yourself and it is a reflection of your own personal beliefs and inner self talk, or the opinion and behaviors of others. 

Your self esteem level is totally set by and dependent on whether your opinion of yourself is positive or negative.

Your level of self esteem is set by how you have reacted to and how you have handled previous experiences, both successes and failures however it is not fixed and it can be changed. 

Your self-image is neither true nor false, but it is true to you, it is what you have become based on how you view yourself at this present moment of time. 

Your self image is formed on how you gauge yourself and it is a reflection of your own personal beliefs and inner self talk.

Unleash the greatness within you

Low self esteem can affect people and surface in many different ways, therefore each persons case of low self esteem will be individual to them, depending on to their conditioning, experiences and beliefs.

You often hear that people who have low self esteem tend to underachieve, and in general, they are less successful. 

I would rather put it, they don't always maximize their true potential.

This is mainly because they lack the confidence in themselves and they lack belief in their own abilities and potential.

Your self esteem sets the foundation for how successful you go on to become in your life, and even if you do manage to become successful with a low self esteem, the chances are you will not really enjoy that success as much as you should do.

Why you need a good healthy and solid foundation of self esteem is because, it can help you to be more confident in many area's of your life and give you the strength to take on new challenges and go for the opportunities that come your way.

Not all people with low self esteem are underachievers.

Sometimes, low self esteem and inner insecurity can drive people, sometimes to the point of obsession to be successful, just to prove themselves, for others their lack of self esteem can inspire and motivate them to be more confident. 

There could be an underlying reason for this, like they fear what others think about them, someone has told them they will never amount to anything, 

Maybe, they have become sick and tired of all their negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors or they are trying to replace their shy and quiet tag or they have been told that they won't amount to much.

Some people may have low self esteem because:

  • They have been rejected 
  • They have an inferiority complex, 
  • They have a fear of failure  
  • They have been conditioned by themselves or others that are stupid or not good or worthy enough

What causes low self esteem?

Low self esteem issues are often born on our childhood, when we are very young we absorb and buy into the opinion and judgements of others.

Whether you get off to a good start in your life, can have a lot to do with your parents and family.

For instance, if your parents, were worriers or quite negative and unhappy, then you will have picked up on their energies and mannerisms.

Your early stage of our development is very critical, at this young age, your mind is like a sponge, and because you were too young to be able to form your own beliefs or reject the remarks of others

You would take on board and believe without questioning, all the suggestions, statements and beliefs of others, which form your belief systems and shape your inner self image of yourselves.

As you got older, you can still rely way too much on the opinions, perceptions and the approval of others to shape your self image.

If you're still influenced or you still need the approval of others or you allow other people's opinions to influence you and affect how you feel, then maybe it is about time you stopped accepting and buying into their beliefs, suggestions and opinions, unless they are generally helping you.

Although it is good to listen to advice sometimes, so long as you're being fed the right and correct information, there comes a time when you have to make your own decisions and opinions.

You make benefit from your own decisions, and sometimes you might have to live with the consequences, but at least you will be yourself.

As the saying goes

"It is better to try and fail, than fail to try"

You have to bear it in mind, that other people's opinions are not always true, they are just opinions and remarks that are based on their ideas and beliefs.

If you were told negative things about yourself, then this can have a damaging impact on your self esteem, such as 

  • If you were put down 
  • You were, repeatedly told you're not good enough  
  • Told you are stupid 
  • Told you were ugly
  • If you were heavily criticized by others, especially during your early years 
  • Heavily teased or bullied 
  • You were made to feel unvalued

Then the chances are you bought into the negative or harmful opinions of others, and these beliefs are probably still affecting your thought patterns, how you feel, your actions and your behaviors, today.

This can condition you to think and believe that you're not good enough as well as programming you to feel bad about yourself, so you see the bad in you instead of all the good.

Even if you go onto to becoming successful and you have a great relationship, a loving family and career. 

If you were conditioned as a child or a young adult to feel bad about yourself, then no amount of material or physical things are going to make you feel better about yourself, until you start to address your low self esteem issues.

Your emotional and physical state

Sometimes your self esteem and confidence levels will match your current state and mood, a normally confident person, can suffer with low self esteem and confidence if they are feeling low, tense and negative.

Tense and stiff postures or slouching and leaning forwards, can have a negative effect on your mood and your thought processes.

Whilst a person who suffers with low self esteem and low confidence, can feel more confident and have a higher level of self esteem if they are feeling calm and happy, so your current state will have a big influence on your self esteem and confidence levels.

When your body is in balance and your mind is calm, then this can raise both your confidence and self esteem levels.

Too much criticism

If you put yourself down or you're self critical of yourself, then this needs to stop, right now.

Although a little bit of constructive criticism can help to motivate you to do better, persistent negative criticism and harsh comments, by others or yourself, will damage your self esteem levels.

Negative or unjustified criticism, can diminish you and pull you down.

As humans, we tend to far too easily buy into and accept, the hurtful and nasty suggestions and remarks others say about us.

There is an old saying that goes like this

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me"

But nasty remarks and comments, can psychologically hurt and scar us, for life, if we accept them as being true. 

People with low self esteem, tend to be overly hard and critical of themselves, yet they are nice and polite to others.

You decide how you wish to perceive yourself, because when you stop pulling yourself down and you start to praise and build yourself up, then nobody can diminish you. 

Trying to be perfect

We all like to come across well when we're socializing, and we all like to excel and be at our best, and there is nothing wrong with setting yourself high standards and having high expectations.

But no one ever achieves perfection, if you chase it, then you will struggle and live an unhappy life.

In a way, perfection is not really achievable, because even those who get somewhere close, always think that they could do better or they believe that they haven't reached the levels that they think is possible.

When you try to be perfect, you will become annoyed, frustrated and upset when things don't go as well as you would like, when you make a mistake or when you embarrass yourself, this can lead to anxiety and insecurity issues.

Some other causes of low self esteem are
  • You lack faith in your own abilities 
  • You have a low opinion of yourself 
  • You do not trust your own opinion
  • You have a fear of failure 
  • You accept and listen to your negative self 
  • You have to much inner conflict and anxiety going on 
  • You would rather play it safe than step out of your comfort zone 
  • You fear taking on new challenges
Mastering your inner self talk

Your current levels of self esteem will have a lot to do with how people around you, treat you, or how they have previously treated you. 

But the biggest influence anybody can ever have on you, is yourself. You hold the power to make yourself great, you also hold the power to beat yourself to the floor.

Without you even knowing it, as you were growing up, you were taking in all the opinions and comments from the people who are significant to you, ranging from your family, friends and authority figures. 

If you were loved, and you received plenty of praise and word of support and encouragement, like you’re adorable, special, and good enough, and you felt wanted and loved, then that would have had a strong influence on your self esteem levels. 

But if you were neglected, and told things that made you feel inadequate, like you're worthless, stupid or not good enough, then this would have a very damaging effect on your self confidence and self esteem levels.

If your parents kept on telling you that, this is dangerous and that is dangerous all the time, then you are likely to grow up thinking that your world is a dangerous place.

A common was, you cannot trust or it is not safe talk to strangers, although our parents meant well, they were actually learning your mind to fear all strangers, no wonder so many people feel uncomfortable talking to strangers or people they have never met before.

You cannot change the past, but you can begin to release and let go of any negative beliefs that you have created from your life's experiences, or any of the limiting and unhelpful beliefs that we given to you when you were a child.

Start to replace the negative and damaging beliefs and install some new supporting and positive ones.

Keep on telling yourself that
  • You're good enough 
  • You're worthy enough 
  • You're capable enough 
  • It's safe for me to
Say positive words and statements about yourself, to yourself and quickly dismiss and negative or critical self statements.

Instead of saying negative and limiting statements like

"I can't seem to do anything right"

"Everything always goes wrong for me"

Change them to something like

"I can learn to do anything I put my mind to"

"I can figure things out"

Practice praising yourself, instead of being hard on yourself, praise yourself for every little achievement you do, even praise yourself when you fail or things do not go as well as you would have liked.

Sometimes to find out, the reason why you feel like you do or why you're struggling or how you can move forwards, you need to ask yourself some soul searching or problem solving questions.

  • How you have been conditioned and influenced by others and yourself
  • Why you are struggling and getting the results you are getting 
  • Why you feel bad about yourself
  • How you can change the way you feel about yourself and your abilities
  • How you can change our way of thinking or your conditioning 
  • What can you do to make things better
Overcoming feelings of inferiority

One thing that you should avoid doing is comparing yourself to others or wishing you were like them.

When you do this, you're basically telling yourself that you're not good or adequate enough.

There are two types of people, positive minded people, and negative minded people.

Everytime you say a negative statements about you, your subconscious mind will take that negative belief on board and it will do everything it can to make that come true, the same applies if you say positive things about yourself.

You cannot be somebody else, but you can focus on all your good qualities and work on becoming a better version of you, and how do you know how they think and feel on the inside.

Often we focus more on our bad points and things that we cannot change or control, rather than focusing on our good points.

Millions of people have body image issues, and although you can work on things like losing a bit of weight and toning up your body, there are some body characteristics that you probably cannot change.

You will gain nothing by wishing to be somebody else, if you're over 18 or so, then you cannot grow and taller, the same applies about other body issue's that you may have.

It is far better to concentrate on all your good points and what you can do, than dwell and upset yourself over things that are out of your control.

Again, tell yourself that you are good enough in every way and think about all your good qualities, that you have.

Learn to like and approve yourself, and just remember, the only thing that can limit you and hold you back, is your own imagination.

It is important to be the best version of yourself and it is important to make your own decisions and choices in life.

Boosting your self esteem

When you lose the belief that you are not unique and powerful, then you will lose your true creative talents, confidence and potential.

The difference between fear and happiness is, what you choose to focus your attention on.

We all have thoughts and emotions, and those who choose to embrace and let go of the bad feeling thoughts and emotions and practice picking thoughts that offer no resistance, win in every area of their lives.

You have the ability to let go of all bad stuff, or figure things out and you always have two choices to which you can give your attention to.

One will make you feel bad, the other will make you feel good.

During bad or negative times, the difference between how quickly you recover, will depend on whether you choose to focus on hope and optimism or you continue to pick and follow negativity.

Every human being has the choice and option, to focus on what they want.

Although it is important to pick very carefully the thoughts that you choose to focus on, life has its ups and downs.

We all experience bad and difficult times, but when things do go bad, you don't want to linger in that negative place for too long.

You cannot be positive and happy every single minute of the day, and it is hard to think positive when things aren't going well for you.

Try to learn to be more resilient when adversity strikes, acknowledge how you feel, then feel the feelings for a while, be upset and disappointed, but don't stay down for too long.

When you can remain strong, happy and optimistic in the face of adversity, life will no longer be able to drag you down.

When you hit a bad patch, let the thoughts and feeling and the bad moment run its course, just allow it, without you getting hooked up with even more negative thoughts, feelings and perceptions.

Just embrace the bad, accept your situation, allow it, then do something about it, because you don't want to stay negative for too long, start to introduce some thoughts of hope, optimism and new possibilities.

Do something to make you feel proud

Although it is important to do some emotional and mental work, sometimes if you have the belief that you're not good enough or capable enough, or if you feel as if you're just going through the motions of life, with no real direction or purpose.

Then maybe it is time to get motivated and inspired, set yourself some new exciting goals, something that is going to get your creativity going or make you feel better and proud.

Self-esteem is sometimes best demonstrated in actions. 

When you accomplish something new, or you overcome a challenge, then it can leave you feeling a sense of satisfaction.

So be proud of what you do and who you are.

Being happy will also help you to raise your self esteem, but you cannot just flip straight to feeling happy all the time, because it is something that you have to work on.

It is all about progression and integrating positive habits, routines and rituals into your daily life, which should also involve lifestyle changes like, 
  • Exercise or activity 
  • Good diet and nutrition 
  • Plenty of rest and relaxation 
  • Doing the things that you like or want to do 
  • Adding meaning to your life 
  • Using your creativity
  • But most of all, try and be happy, without a reason
One of the best ways to build your self esteem is to step outside of your comfort zone, if you avoid a situation to avoid feelings of discomfort, then this will lower your self esteem and increase your anxiety levels.

When you embrace, feeling uncomfortable and you feel the negative emotions and do it anyway, then you will grow and expand, and you fear will never be able to hold you back again.

Is there something that you've always wanted to do, sit down, grab a pen and paper, and make a list of goals or achievements that you would like to accomplish.

Having a goal and action plan, can give you a new lease of life, which can add a sense of meaning and purpose to your life.

Then, when you see all the good work that you've done and the progress that you've made, can do you self esteem wonders.

This list could include your personal and physical goals such as working out, doing the things that you want, breaking a personal best, getting a promotion or starting a new career, or starting a second source of income.  

These behaviors and actions will help to raise your opinion of yourself and your capabilities. 

Once you get the momentum going, you will have something that will grow and you will have discovered something that will stay with you for the rest of your life. 

Getting fit and toning up your body, can boost your self esteem, but what will really raise your self esteem, is having the belief that you can do anything that you set your mind to and your lifestyle choices are firmly your own hands, and you are not a victim to your circumstances and conditioning.

When you put your focus of attention on to, doing the things that you want to do, creating or doing something that will challenge you and give your life a sense of purpose and leave you feeling proud of yourself.

Just do your best instead of being hard on yourself, and your self esteem will start to increase.

Sometimes it is not the big things that make us feel happy, it is the accumulation of doing all the little things on a consistent and repetitive basis.




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