How To Overcome Shyness?

"With The Right Treatments And Strategies You Can Beat Your Social Anxiety And Throw Away Your Shyness Tag"

You're quiet. You don't say much. He/she's shy.

I bet you've heard of these before, and I bet you're sick and tired of hearing those same old statements, kind of annoying aren't they.

When people keep on calling you shy and quiet. It can evoke two kinds of reactions.

It may motivate you to push yourself, talk more and join in more. Or you might, play along with the character role that you have been given.

You may feel like what you have to say isn't worth saying. But, what you would like to say and contribute, is just as valuable as anybody else.

First of all. There is nothing wrong with being quiet or wanting to spend time on your own. But, only if it is of your choosing.

You should not have to be quiet or avoid social situations, just because your fears, insecurities and your shy tag.

You may have asked yourself many times. Why am I shy, why can't I be more socially confident.

There are many theories to why people are shy, but it is probably down to a combination of things and a result of you embarrassing and negative social experiences.

Some people, think it is because of their genetics.

However, you can have two brothers or sisters, with the same parents and genetic makeup. Yet one is shy, but the other is more outgoing, confident an extrovert.

If one of your parents, was a negative person, this can affect you as you were growing up. 

Because, as a young child. You may have picked up on your parents' fears, negative beliefs, negative energy and insecurities, and you may have kept hold of this negative energy and thought processes.

The beliefs you inherited as a young child. Such as you are quiet, shy or you don't say much, can shape your limited belief systems and help you to form a negative self image of yourself as being shy and timid.

Maybe you were slower than the other children at learning how to talk, which started the tag that you don't say much.

The chances are you are an introverted person. There is nothing wrong with that, as introverts are usually very intelligent and creative, nice people.

But, sometimes, it is no fun being shy and quiet, because you can miss out on so much of the joys of socializing and secretly, most shy people would like to be more extrovert.

The real root cause and source of your shyness is social anxiety and fear.

Because, even if you are an introvert. This does not mean that you should live your life in fear or miss out on all the joys of socializing, career advancement and forming close and loving relationships.

One of the reasons people feel socially uncomfortable is because they spend too much time worrying and thinking about their social anxiety and shyness.

The more aware and sensitive you become of your social anxiety and your uncomfortable feelings. 

The more you will learn to fear them and the more you will want to avoid any social situation that makes feel uncomfortable and anxious.

All people feel uncomfortable at times. The difference to them and you are. They don't care about feeling a bit comfortable and they certainly don't try and avoid their feelings or allow them to hold them back.

As you have come to realize. Shyness and social anxiety won't go away by themselves.

Probably the real root cause of your shyness and social anxiety is down too.

The way your mind has learned to react with fear and associate your fight, flight, freeze response to different social situations, triggers and people.

Although you logically know. It does not make any sense to be scared of socializing, being made the center of attention, being judged or speaking to groups of people, to name a few.

Your subconscious mind. Which stores all your negative memories, emotions and belief systems has somehow learned to associate all your social fears with being dangerous.

These uncomfortable responses are being driven by your past conditioning, your negative emotional experiences, your limiting beliefs and your learned fearful responses and associations.

Which have been left unchanged for years, and which are controlling the way you feel, behave, react and respond.

To overcome your shyness, you have to overcome your social anxiety.  

You can only achieve this by taking action, and changing your negative thought processes, beliefs and learned fearful responses.

All the time you are focusing on your shyness, you are reinforcing the beliefs that you're shy.

And because you spend so much time thinking about, worrying and trying not to feel uncomfortable, you are actually feeding the fear and anxiety and making it stronger.

It will be far better for you to waste less time and energy on worrying about, thinking about and focusing on your shyness and social anxiety, as that just makes you more self aware of it and more anxious. 

Instead, it is much better, to put all your energy on to focusing on and doing things that are more interesting and which will express your creativity in many positive and beneficial ways.

The only way to overcome your shyness and social anxiety is to change your negative and limiting beliefs and learn how to change the way you feel and break the endless cycle of social anxiety and fear. 

The reality is. Unless you change and treat the root causes of your shyness, anxiety and negativity, then you will carry on getting the same results, feelings and fearful reactions.

When you feel tense and socially uncomfortable. You can never be your true self. Anxiety keeps you stuck in your shy comfort zone and it prevents you from relaxing, being spontaneous and flowing naturally.

Being the best version of yourself

Shyness and social anxiety are linked to insecurity, learned behaviors and societal conditioning. 

The seeds for your shyness and insecurity were probably sewn in your early childhood, maybe you were a little withdrawn and timid as a young baby, which got you the quiet and shy tag.

Once you have been conditioned and programmed to be shy and quiet, it then becomes hardwired into your brain and you automatically take on board this unwanted and self limiting personality.

Many shy people are also sensitive and insecure and you have probably picked up many further insecurities from your life experiences up to date.

You may even think that you're not good enough or equal enough which can all have a negative affect on your self confidence. 

Another root source of shyness, anxiety and insecurity, and they are all linked, is. 
  • When you are comparing yourself unfavorably to others 
  • When you feel your inadequate 
  • When you think that you don't measure up 
  • When you think that you're different or there is something wrong with you
The truth is. You are good enough, and none of the above are true, neither have you got to improve, you just need to work to become the best version of you.

If you are shy or socially anxious, life can seem like a real struggle and sometimes the easier option can be to want to isolate yourself.

Having to put up with all the same old thought patterns and negative emotions can be very tiring and morally defeating.

When you cannot seem to break free from those feelings of insecurity and negative emotions it can leave you feeling very frustrated.

But if you want to break away from your shy personality and you want to be free from your feelings of anxiety and social limitations.

Then it is very important that you change your old programming as well as changing the way you think and feel.

Once your shy, self image and your insecurities have become hardwired into your psyche, it is not always easy to change and overcome unless you have the right information, tools and techniques.

The thing to be aware of. 

If you are shy, insecure and socially anxious, it is not your fault, and because you were so young at the time, you did not even have a choice, you just accepted the label that you were given by others. 

After all. When you were a young child, you did not ask to be a shy person and you had no idea that you were being programmed to be shy and you weren't aware of what was happening to you.

Many insecure children, pick up the worries, negative energy and insecurities of their parents, and once they get stuck in these negative thought processes, learned behaviors and negative feelings.

These negative feelings, worries and thought processes, become your normal state of being, this can be very damaging to you emotionally.

But even though it is not your fault. There is something that you can do about getting rid of shyness and eliminating your social anxiety.

Did you know, that you will become what you repeatedly convince yourself, therefore, isn't it wise to say positive and great things about you.

When you change your shyness label and you let go of your anxieties and insecurities that are currently keeping you small and stuck in your comfort zone.

You can begin to aim higher and want and get so much more out of your life.

Good wellness is essential for reducing social anxiety

If you are shy and you suffer with social anxiety then you are probably struggling to make conversations and cope with your emotions.

Feelings of emotional overwhelm and anxiety, can make you hesitate and prevent you from being yourself and putting your point of view across, expressing yourself or saying all the things that you want to say. 

They can also leave you feeling terrified of speaking, being put on the spot or being made the center of attention.

To begin to overcome this. It is important to learn how to manage your state and control your emotions, so instead of worrying and focusing on how you are feelings and coming across.

You will feel more spontaneous and outwardly focused, so you take your attention off yourself and put it on enjoying your social interaction. 

Because, socializing should be something that you enjoy, not something that you dread and something that holds you in the grip of fear.

Shyness tends to keep you imprisoned and locked in your own little world and your imagination and perceptions are far more scary, than your outer reality.

When you stop fearing the worst, and you begin to relax and enjoy the present, then you will start to feel much more comfortable socially.

Then this program will help you to ditch your shyness label and make you feel more relaxed and at ease socially.

Self confidence is not all about being loud and extroverted. 

It is more about, feeling comfortable, feeling relaxed socially, being comfortable in your own skin and not caring too much of what others think about you.

If you're the type who feels socially awkward, anxious and emotionally tense. Then you will struggle to relax and flow naturally and spontaneously.

Negative emotional and stressful physical states will keep you stuck in survival mode and keep you internally focused on yourself. 

In the end you reach a point, where because you expect to feel anxious you do.

People think anxiety and shyness are all in the mind. 

But what most people still do not realize is, the mind and body are an intricately designed system which is all connected together, and all parts work together and affect each other simultaneously.

Everything is linked to your fight, flight, freeze response and your nervous system, which involve your muscles, brain, lungs and your other organs.

When one of this is out of sync or harmony with your natural calm and balanced state, then it will have a negative effect on all the others, and you will struggle to function properly and efficiently.

This means. When your mind is anxious, your body will respond with tension and symptoms of stress.

And, equally, when your body is tense and experiencing symptoms of stress. Your emotional mind will become aroused to danger, and your mind will become scared and it will go on high alert.

An anxious or worried mind or a tense and stressed body will cause your nervous system to react as if something bad is about to happen, making you feel uncomfortable and it will be very hard for you to relax socially.

Looking after yourself and taking care of yourself, physically and emotionally, is an important part of your recovery.

This means it is important to deal with all the essential aspects of yourself, including. Eating healthy foods and getting the adequate and daily requirements of the essential vitamins and minerals.

As well as reducing your stress, finding time to relax and incorporating, plenty of activity and movement, as well as focusing on doing things that help you feel good and bring you joy.

By taking good care of yourself, and avoiding too many bad foods, you will begin to feel much better and you will be heading in the right direction to become the best version of you.

There is a lot of advice about shyness and social anxiety.

But the only sure way to feel more socially confident is to work on calming and stilling your mind and keeping your body in a relaxed, calm and balanced state of being.

At the moment your anxiety and your shy conditioning, are affecting your physiology which is making it very hard for you to be the best version of you.

But, once you have mastered those all important aspects, you can then begin to work on improving your social and conversation skills.

Getting rid of the limitations of your bad suggestions

On your journey to becoming less shy and more extroverted. The first step is to put all your bad suggestions in the recycling bin of your mind.

The next thing to do, is replace any limiting beliefs that you have with positive and helpful supporting ones.

Although you may be the introverted type by nature, this does not mean that you should have any social restrictions, cast on yourself.

You were not born shy or underconfident and you were not born nervous or socially anxious. 

All you your shy tags and the negative self image you might hold about yourself that you're living and conforming to, were bad or limiting suggestions that you were given to buy others.

You don't just happen to be shy and you don't just happen to be a nervous or anxious person. 

These are traits and learned behavior that you have either been conditioned to believe or you have learned to be nervous or anxious, in certain social situations, because of your negative experiences.

Once you buy into these negative and bad suggestions, you take these on board as self beliefs, which form your self image, personality and character.

These then contribute to whom you become, what you do, how happy and successful you are and how you go on to live your life.

If you have a poor opinion of yourself and you buy into the belief that you are shy and you feel that you lack self confidence.

Then this can lead to anxiety, isolation, struggling to mix socially, loneliness and the belief that you're not good enough, deserving enough or worthy enough.

Once you have been conditioned to believe a negative tag about you or you have learned a negative pattern of behavior and way of responding and behaving.

That inner voice and self critic, which is not the true reflection of who you truly are, will then keep on reminding you of your predisposed shy labels and limiting beliefs.

Everytime that negative inner voice, pipes up its old beliefs and limitations. Remind yourself that, first it is an outright lie.

Secondly, it is someone elses opinion and belief, that was given to you, and therefore it is not true to you, it is not accurate and it is not yours.

Once you become aware, that the inner negative and critical you, is not you. Then you can start to override, dismiss and change your inner self talk and language.

Many people try to analyze their childhood or they try to work out, why they're shy or anxious, socially, or they ask themselves, what's wrong with them.

But, that really is not necessary and it often does not help. 

Therefore, instead of allowing your worries, anxieties and shyness, to pull you back into your past or project, everything going wrong in the future.

It is better to skip all the why's and self analysis. And instead, try to get out of your head, say, so long to your negative and critical self. 

And put all your efforts and energy into enjoying the now and becoming a better and better version of your true and unlimitless, highly capable authentic self.

It can take time to replace all your limiting beliefs and free yourself from what you have been conditioned to believe about you.

But the sooner you, say goodbye to your old negative inner voice and self talk, and you take control of your inner talk, the better.

From now onwards. Question, challenge, dismiss and change your negative self talk and limiting beliefs, and change those negative images in your mind to positive ones.

Some people, when they're playing negative what if imaginings, turn the contents of their mind white, and then they create a new colorful, positive self image or scenario, of how they want to be, or how they want things to go

If you find that put yourself down, or you put limitations on you, then that needs to stop.

The more you fear your anxiety, the worse it will get

It is good to enjoy your own company, and it is good to spend time by yourself, doing the things that you like doing.

But you should not have to isolate yourself, avoid social gatherings or feel uncomfortable and anxious when you are in a social environment.

Even if you prefer your own company. Or you only feel comfortable with one or two close friends.

It is not always appropriate. To avoid larger social groups. We all have to work, attend school or mix with people.

But shyness and social anxiety can turn ordinary, everyday social events, into a major traumatic  ordeal. 

Socializing, should be fun and enjoyable, an occasion where you can relax and feel comfortable in the presence of others.

If you're too afraid to speak up or join in the conversations. Then this can severely restrict you and stop you being yourself.

You may have been told to, just be yourself many times.

This, however, is probably not the advice that you want to hear. Maybe you think. That you're already being yourself, which you may think is the problem in itself.

But are you really being your true authentic self. Or are you playing the role of the character, others have given to you.

One of the first steps to overcoming shyness, insecurity and social anxiety. Is to self acceptance.

Accept who you are, accept your weaknesses. Then work on bettering the things about you that you can change.

If you suffer with social anxiety. You certainly aren't being yourself.

Ask yourself, and imagine. What would you be like, if you had no fear or you had no shyness label.

Maybe a better way to put things, could be.

Be yourself, but be your best version of yourself.

You, see. You have not got to change and there is nothing wrong with you. All you need, is to push yourself to be a bit more talkative and learn how to relax more socially.

Because, being confident. Is not all about being loud and extroverted. 

It is more to do with, feeling comfortable socially and not caring what others think and not caring if you embarrass yourself or make mistakes.

If you want to overcome your social anxiety. Then you will have to start stepping out of your comfort zone.

The reason why people get stuck in the endless anxiety loop is. They won't accept or they dislike the feelings that make them feel uncomfortable.

Everybody feels a bit uncomfortable at times and everybody has anxious thoughts. But, most people either shrug them off, or accept them and forget about them.

Some people. Know, that they will feel moments of discomfort, in certain social situations. But they just carry on as if nothing is happening, and the feelings quickly subside.

Sometimes, you have to go through it, to process the emotion to grow.

For the shy or socially anxious person, however. 

They won't accept any feelings of discomfort and they devote all their attention to try and defeat their feelings of discomfort or find ways to avoid the situation, completely.

This approach of not wanting to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, is what causes the vicious and endless cycle and loop.

They become so obsessed about their anxiety, that they start to create a fear of the fear itself. Because they fear the actual sensations of fear, they create a vicious fear cycle.

When you're feeling anxious. Your confused mind, thinks something bad is about, which triggers more sensations of fear.

After a while. They feel fearful, merely because they fear it. Fearing anxiety only serves to making it worse.

You can begin to flip the negative energy around. Try to break the pattern. If you're having those what if thoughts. Immediately reply with. "So what"

When you find yourself worrying, Reply to your mind, with. 

"What If nothing bad happens, what if everything goes well, how do you know for sure."

Reassure your anxious mind. Let your mind know. "Everything is going to be OK"

It is far better. To embrace any feelings of discomfort, and allow yourself to feel and observe the feelings, without reacting to them, instead of carry on fearing the feelings. 

Just see them as feelings, and let you know, they will soon subside, if you pay them no attention.

I know it can feel a bit scary and overwhelming to have to face your fears. But once you take those first brave steps. 

You will soon realize that your fears cannot hold you back or prevent you doing or saying anything you want.

Once you learn to feel the feelings and carry on, despite feeling a bit of discomfort. You will start to feel more liberated and you will begin to take back control.

When your shyness can work against you

It is important to try and overcome your social anxiety. 

Because there will be times when you find yourselves in a situation where it is a huge advantage to flow naturally and to feel in control of your feelings and emotions.

A situation like a job interview, or a first date, where your ability to impress is dependent on an outgoing, fun, extroverted attitude.

Relationships, job interviews and getting the best jobs or being promoted can depend a lot on your personality and character.

Many shy people struggle to start a relationship and keep that relationship going, it shouldn't be that way, but sadly it is, the same applies to your career prospects and social life.

Most shy people, accept their shyness as, they way they are. Many feel, it is something that they were born with, which they cannot change.

I'm sure you remember being told as a child not to talk to strangers, little children should be seen, but not heard or not to speak out of turn. 

These are taught behaviors, which have been ingrained into our subconsciousness.

Once the shy label has become a part of you. It can appear to be a difficult habit to break. 

However. You were not born shy. Things could have turned out completely different for you. Under different circumstances and different, learned experiences.

Once your shyness, becomes a part of your self image. You can carry on with the shy theme, merely because you're acting out of habit.

Your history of learned, negative experiences and your previous taught conditioning and self limiting beliefs, can go on to be the root causes of many of your anxieties, insecurities and fears, that you have today.

The good thing is. Nothing is set in stone, nothing is permanent and all your negative conditioning is reversible. Unless, you decide not to take any action.

All behaviors, habits and patterns are learned. Often, through a lack of understanding and awareness, most people just carry on and struggle the best they can.

But, that is not a good way of living.

The good news is. Once you pinpoint and identify the root source of your problem. All you have to do is work on fixing the problem.

Because of the fact that most shy people do not know how to free themselves of their social anxiety and shyness.

They will often resort to and rely on alcholol to try and relax them so they can release their real self or the person they desire to be.

We all feel more relaxed, more open and confident after we have had a few drinks.

There is nothing wrong with a little bit of social drinking. But, if you convince yourself that you need it to relax you, then you will come to depend and rely on it.

The trick is to start to convince yourself that you can enjoy yourself socially, without needing a drink.

The reality is. You cannot participate in a drink, everytime you have to deal with a challenging social situation.

Plus, when you rely on drink. You will not be teaching your brain new ways to behave and it won't help build your confidence and social skills.

It is not wise to attend an interval, smelling of alcohol and you cannot drink, whilst you're at work.

Many shy people need a drink to talk to the opposite sex, especially if they are looking for a girl or boyfriend.

If you do drink too much on your first impression. It might turn you into the life and soul of the party.

The downside of this is. When you have to meet up sober. You, won't be that same person.

Coming out of your shell

You were not born shy, that means that it is something that you inherited and something that has been installed into you.

This means that you have picked up some limiting beliefs, that have been conditioned into you when you were a young child and then carried into your adult years.

Once you buy into these limiting beliefs like you are shy, not very confident or you do not mix very well have been engraved into your system, you will start to conform to them.

Your limiting beliefs can lead to many worries, self doubts and fears, like the fear of embarrassment, being made the center of attention, caring about what others think or say about you or making a fool of yourself.

You need to stop telling yourself things like your shy, quiet, introvert, not very good at, what you have to say is not worth saying and so on, otherwise they will forever block your natural confidence.

Other things that can keep you shy and socially anxious are, all your bad and negative social experiences, as these can keep you introverted, anxious and shy.

Things that can create bad memories are, being embarrassed or shown up, things that your friends have said or other children, your brothers and sisters said or teased you a lot when you were young or how your parents treated you.

Or maybe something happened to you at school, perhaps somehow you managed to associate being the center of attention as being threatening, all of which can force you inside your shell or made you feel insecure.

Try to identify your limiting beliefs in all the areas's where you feel insecure and ask you, why you feel underconfident, then dismiss them, challenge them or try to change them. 

You can write your limiting beliefs down on one side of a piece of paper, and then, on the opposite column, by each limiting belief, write down the opposite positive alternative belief and write down by each belief how you would like to be and how you could be.

Think about how a confident person would act, behave and think in the situations that you feel insecure, then imagine yourself thinking, acting and behaving like the confident person would.

Ask yourself what is the logical reason behind your beliefs that make you feel insecure and anxious.

Remember, these are not your beliefs, they were given to you when you were younger, and they can be changed.

We fear the situations that we think we cannot handle or cope with or what we dread happening, so let you know that you can handle or cope with your worry situations.

The more you focus on what you don't want or don't like, them more emotional significance you will attach to that situation.

Change your limiting beliefs and the things you don't like into things that you do like, to stop the emotional arousal.

Lets say, you have a fear of being the center of attention, change it to, I enjoy/love being the center of attention.

If you keep telling yourself that you're shy or socially anxious, tell yourself things like, 
  • I love socializing 
  • I enjoy talking to people 
  • I like meeting strangers
  • I love being outgoing
Just identify, your insecurities and change them to enjoy/like/love.

Before you fall asleep at night and the first thing on awakening, affirm these to yourself for a few minutes and add some power affirmations like the ones below or create some to suit you.
  • I am good enough 
  • I feel calm in all social situations 
  • I am powerful 
  • I am courageous 
  • I am calm and assertive
  • I am reducing all my social fears and insecurities 
  • Each day I am getting better and better
Then start to imagine and visualize yourself, in the situations where you feel insecure, but this time see yourself being calm, cool and composed.

Introverts are inwardly focused, that is fine if you're focused on positive thoughts and statements about you, or you're thinking good feeling or creative and constructive thoughts.

But if you're the type who worries a lot or you self critical and negative, then you need to start seeing things going well for a change or you need to take your focus off yourself and on to what you're doing or observing your environment.

Another technique you can try is.

If at any time in the day you notice yourself feeling anxious or nervous in a social situation, jot the thoughts down, that were triggering the stressful response or remember them.

Be aware it is not the situation that is causing you all the stress and fear, it is the thoughts that you're having about the situation.

When you're at home, find somewhere quiet where you can relax, then when you're feeling calm, bring back those thoughts and imaginings, but train your body to stay relaxed around those fearful thoughts and imagings.

Just detach yourself from the thoughts and images, and allow them to carry on, whilst you relax, do not get emotionally involved, so you can begin to reduce the fear responses, you can also do this, if at any time during the day, you have any anxious thoughts.

You are enough

Sometimes the underlying cause of shyness and social anxiety is because, deep down you think that you are not enough. 

Many shy people are crippled by fear and self doubt, which destroys their self confidence purely because they believe that they are not good enough, not equal enough, not smart enough, not interesting enough, what they say is not worth saying and the list goes on.

Or perhaps you think or tell yourself, that you no good at things. 

If this applies to you, then you're not good enough believes need changing too, you are good enough, you always have been and you always will be until that old negative you no longer dictate your life and thought process.

Each night, just before you go to bed, and when you first wake up in the morning, start to affirm your new beliefs repeatedly, like.
  • I am good enough 
  • I am capable enough 
  • I am interesting enough 
  • I am confident enough 
  • I am powerful enough 
  • I am worthy enough 
  • I am courageous enough 
  • I am secure enough
Another root source of your shyness or social anxiety can stem from having developed an inferiority complex.

We tend to feel inferior when we compare ourselves unfavorably to others or we seek to be like somebody else, usually somebody who we think is confident and outgoing. 

When you desire or wish to be like somebody, you're basically telling yourself that you are not good enough.

It is alright to be inspired by others, to push you into motivating yourself to be the best you, but you should not tell you, that you want to be somebody else.

Always accept who you are and be true to yourself, then work on being the best possible you.

Create the new self image of yourself

Over the years you and others create our own inner self image of yourself, and this reflects out the type of person that you are to the rest of the world.

Your self image is basically the perception that you have about yourself, which includes your identity, your abilities, how you value yourself, your feelings of self worth and all your other characteristics, mannerisms and personal traits. 

Your self image also determines your self esteem and confidence levels, and it essentially determines who you are and what you become, so it is pretty important.

Most people, especially shy and underconfident people, have just accepted the self image, that was created by others and essentially given to you by others at a very early age, where you did not even have the ability to question, change or challenge it. 

Because I am sure, that if it was down to your choice, then you would have chosen to be more socially confident and outgoing, after all, nobody deliberately chooses to be shy, because being shy in no fun and it can be very limiting.

Once the quiet or shy, self image of you was created, you have simply carried it on, and added to it by your own beliefs and experiences, as you continually create more and more evidence to support it.

It is a bit like, you have been given a character role to play in the film of your life, and you are playing out that role.

If one of your parents were shy or negative, then you might have also picked up their negative energy and mindset.

You can, you know, start to change and redesign your self image and begin to install and brand new positive and confident self image of you.

If you want to be the type of confident person that you would like to be, start to see and affirm yourself as the new outgoing and socially comfortable you, see yourself as that person whom you want to be.

Confidence Trigger

Extroverts live happier lives

It has always been well known that extroverts generally live much happier and more successful lives and there have now been studies conducted to prove this.

Edward C. Brewer, an associate professor in the Department of Organizational Communication at Murray State University, ran a study where he discovered that extroverts have a better chance at succeeding in life and in business. 

His studies revealed that in the highest executive ranks of Fortune 1000 companies, you are more likely to find extroverts than introverts.

This demonstrates that extroverts are not only more socially confident plus they find it easier to approach, attract and keep the opposite sex, but on top of those advantages they are also more successful in their careers and they have a better chance at landing the higher paid jobs.

Becoming an extrovert will help to boost your overall happiness plus it will also help to further your career and job prospects. 

But the advantages does not end there, because two professors at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina co-authored another study.

There aim was to determine whether introverts or extroverts achieved a better overall balance between work and family life. 

The research revealed that the extroverts experience the most positive connections between work and family roles, they had a more positive attitude and outlook on life and overall they were far happier and confident than the introverts.

Get out of your own head 

Introverts and shy people are deep thinkers and there is nothing wrong with that if your thoughts are good feeling thoughts. 

You may often find yourself drifting into a trance like inner day dream state even whilst they are in the company of other people. 

If you're shy you probably spend a lot of your time living your life around your internal world exploring your thoughts and feelings.

This often has a negative impact on your life because sometimes introverts can over think situations. 

They will try and plan and run through every eventuality in their minds first for every situation conceivable, especially social related ones instead of being more spontaneous and outwardly focused just doing things and taking things as they come. 

The trouble is, most of your planning is worry based which leads to apprehension, anxiety and nervousness. 

Their forward planning of events can lead you to hesitation, avoidance or wanting to avoid social situations causing missed opportunities. 

If you are an introvert then you probably spend too much time in your own head because shy and socially anxious people tend to worry and struggle with anxious and negative thoughts.

If this is the case, try to keep out of your own head. Find new hobbies and interests or read more or just observe your environment, just do anything to take the focus off yourself. 

The only exception to this rule is if you're saying positive and constructive encouraging and empowering statements to and about yourself and you should do that more often.

Give up the struggle with your fearful thoughts and feelings, because in most cases, fear does not protect you, in fact, it can draw you into an inner battle with your thoughts and feelings.

If you persist in fighting with your thoughts and emotions, then you will enter a long battle that you can never win, but once you learn to embrace your fearful thoughts and feelings you will soon become a master and victorious over them.

What protects you from fear is

  • Enjoyment 
  • Being in the moment 
  • Inner peace and balance 
  • Focusing only on what you do want 
  • Love and all the positive emotions 

So try not to monitor, deal with and control all your fearful thoughts and feelings because when you try to deal with your fearful emotions and thoughts this means that you're reacting to them and when you react to them you cause a resistance to them and we all know what we resist persists.

The way to feel less anxious is to freely allow and encourage your thoughts and feelings to continue whilst you just observe them and stay calm and not bothered by them because they only become a problem when you react badly to them.

Practice putting your attention outwardly, listen carefully to what others are saying, watch television or get out and observe nature and make sure you concentrate only on what's going externally to help improve your outward focus. 

Your goal should be to feel good and you can start to feel good right now once you pay less attention to anything negative or anything that makes you feel bad and you pay all your attention to feeling good.

Redefine yourself 

If you are shy then it is a lot to do with the fact that you and others have conditioned you to be shy and quiet, which has become your self image and your self image is how you imagine yourself to be and behave.

More than likely up until now you have probably spent most of your life accepting and living your character by the external shy labels, factors and perceptions you, your experiences and other people have given you until you bought into the belief that this is who you are. 

The good thing about beliefs is they can be changed and when you change your beliefs you will change your behaviours and you will change with them for the better.

You have the choice at any moment to be more talkative, happy, outgoing and spontaneous and although it might take time for you to take on your new self image always, remember the person who you want to be is always available for you to access if you choose.

Your thoughts, actions and behaviours and how socially confident you are is what you have chosen to be and if you're not happy with the old you then you can choose to be a better version of yourself.

You do not have to make massive changes, be yourself, but just create a new positive socially confident, happy, courageous and self assured self image of yourself.

Start to redefine yourself with new positive tags and labels and begin to write down and focus only on your good points and the things you do well at. 

Your focus of attention and how you react to outside circumstances will determine what energy you will feel and what energy you feel from within will reflect how confident you come across on the outside.

 Your roots of your shyness maybe you suffer with low self esteem and you may have some insecurities that you need to deal with. 

Your low self esteem and your insecurities may stem from your childhood.

Confident but poised body posture 

Your body posture and language plays a role in shaping who you are and how you think and react in external situations. If you are shy and you lack self confidence in yourself, then your years of shyness may have caused you to stoop and make yourself small.

Inner shyness and anxiety reflects itself in your body, when you hold yourself in a relaxed but upright confident posture you will feel confident on the inside and you will project confidence on the outside. 

Our thoughts, feelings and physiology are all linked together and they can all influence each other and they can influence our physiology and how we respond and how others respond to us.

This is a two way connection, your mind affects your body and our body posture can affect our mind. 

If you notice, confident people with an upright, poised and relaxed posture also tend to be more assertive and positive, they also take more risks and chances.

If you're shy or anxious then you might find yourself feeling intimidated by others or even socially threatened, especially if you see them as being the confident and strong type which can cause you to close up where your body collapses and shrinks.

This cowardly and submissive posture can change your physiology and emotional state where your breathing becomes restricted, your head drops down into your chest and where you shrug and crunch your shoulders which is the submissive posture of insecurity and anxiety. 

A guarded posture also signals weakness to others, it will also put you in a negative energy and a more negative mindset. 

If you find yourself doing this then you need to open up a bit to a positive body posture and make yourself a bit wider and bigger to make yourself feel more confident. 

However, this does not mean doing any tensing, stretching or straining into a stiff military posture either.

Because when you tense or straighten your spine, you will become less confident, so no sitting or standing to attention or trying to stand or sit up straight either.

Your aim in socially challenging situations should be to maintain a calm but assertive, relaxed, comfortable posture and mindset. 

If you overdo it and tense or overstretch your body into an unnatural rigid and stiff posture you will feel more stressful and frustrated.

There are various power poses where you can open your body up for about two minutes or so to give you a confidence boost. Smiling can also help you to feel more relaxed and happy.

Although you should avoid hunching yourself up, you must not stiffen your body in a ridged posture either otherwise your muscles will stiffen because relaxed is the key to confidence and feeling comfortable.

Keep your muscles relaxed this means no stooping or stiffening. 

Use your body to be more confident, happy and charismatic

We are all born with a confident and poised naturally body posture, where we sit, stand and move about easily and free of tension.

But over time, we can tend to develop bad, negative and tense posture habits which can reduce our self confidence and make us feel insecure.

It is well known that our body can have a profound effect on your mind and emotions.

The reason for our tense and bad feeling negative postures can range from bad sitting and standing habits, to psychological issues such as shyness and anxiety, or trying to stand or sit taller than your natural poised posture.

The trick is not to try and physically hold yourself up, but to let go of any of your negative and tension habits, so you can return back to your natural poised and balanced posture.

You can put an immediate stop to the stress response as well as keeping your anxiety levels down by learning how to control your breathing and taking some slow deep breaths when you face a challenging situation.

Although shyness is closely linked to social anxiety and some people suffer with them both, shyness does not necessarily stop you from socializing however social anxiety can.

What causes shyness

So what causes shyness? Some people wrongly assume they are born shy, they tell themselves this is the way I am and even worst they accept it and wrongly believe there is nothing they can do to change it. 

Your shyness is not your fault, it is a result of your conditioning, perhaps you were a little quiet and withdrawn when you were young, the chances are you were not encouraged to mix with other children as much as you should have.

If you were one of the youngest children you may have been pushed out a bit. Once the tag of being quiet was given to you, then you would have soon bought into this belief, after all we natural assume what others say about us must be true. 

The more your parents and peers kept saying how quiet you are in front of you the more the belief would be programmed into your subconscious mind. 

On top of this, your peers and teachers may have added to the belief, even our school reports focus on how quiet we are and whether we interact with other children. 

Young children soak up and believe what grown ups and others say about them, once the seeds are sewn we respond to those suggestions and we believe without questioning or challenging the comments. 

Once you believe you are shy, you play the shy character in your reality and that's what you become. It then becomes a part of your self image which sticks with you until you decide to change it. 

So without knowing it, you have been conditioned to be shy, your parents and peers probably started it and you have carried the belief on.

As you mature and because you have a developed a self image of yourself as being shy then it can make you retreat into your shell and cause you to play the character of a shy person in your version of your game of life. 

Do the things you want despite your fear

To move out of your shyness will involve stepping out of your comfort zone. This will mean you may need to spend more time outside and make more of an effort to speak to people and to speak more when you're in the company of others.

The old you will do everything it can to keep you in your comfort zone, including using emotions, but observe and feel the fear and carry on. 

Learn to meditate to reduce your stress, worry and anxiety.

The more things you do and the more little risk you take each day the stronger and more powerful you will grow until you do it naturally. If you do something repeatedly eventually you will become it.

Learn how to identify your social fears and either work on improving your confidence in those situations or just learn how to face and overcome your fears, because if you don't face your fears then they will become your limitations.

To chip away at your fears start to challenge the beliefs behind them and start to change your inner self talk.

These insecurities are holding you back, most false fears are based on the fear of your mind predicting a potential outcome, maybe you're worried about blushing or showing yourself up. 

Your fears and insecurities are still probably preventing you from saying and doing the things you want or causing you a whole lot of nervous anticipation and dread. 

Your fears are your mind's way of keeping you stuck in your comfort zone, but the truth is, if you don't start to take action your never going to be and do the things you want.

Never pull yourself down if you mess up, blush or make a mistake, just let it go and even praise yourself up even if things didn't go well. 

Tell yourself how well you handled it to prevent creating a bad emotional memory. 

Fear is your imagination tricking you into thinking that something bad could happen so you need to take some sort of preventive action. But you know that the reality is your social fears are unjustified.

Behind your fears are untrue beliefs, try and work on why you have these beliefs and instruct your mind that there is no logical reason for these beliefs. If you begin to feel fearful, do what you want despite how you feel.

Once the fearful feelings have been activated, you cannot deactivate them, nor should you try.

The more you try to avoid the social situation that scares you, and the more you try not think about the things that scare you, the more the fear increases.

This also includes the fear itself, but when you embrace your feelings and just feel them and you allow your mind to think the fearful thoughts without you resisting them, then the fear will start to decrease and it will put you in control.

Just label the feelings as energy and allow that energy to peak and pass whilst you just observe and acknowledge the shift in energy and just again, keep your attention outwardly focused and the fear will soon pass, resist it and it will get more intense

Develop some new social skills

Your shy because you have not yet learned the confidence, skills you require and anybody can develop their social skills. The main skill to master is the art of speaking confidently.

Learn more about the interests of others in your social circles, learn more and find more things to talk about, like what is happening in the world, things on TV or in the news so you have lots of things to talk about.

Socially anxious people tend to speak quickly to get what they have to say out of the way, their anxiety can also cause them to talk hurriedly and you may get tongue tied and even feel like stopping part the way through a conversation. 

But don't, carry on even if you're not doing very well and in time you will get better, sometimes we have to fake it until we make it to become it which means doing more of the things you used to hold back on.

Remember what you have to say is important and valuable, so again control your breathing and deliberately slow your talking down and speak more slowly and clearly, if you notice your tone fading away raise it again so your speaking loudly and clearly.

Find a page on a book or magazine and then repeatedly practice reading out loud in front of the mirror or write down on a piece of paper what you want to speak about or write down a story about yourself and again read it out loud in front of the mirror.

Rehearse and prepare for challenging situations in your mind before the event, learn to control your breathing and body and be proud of who you are and what you have to say. 

Overcoming shyness is all about taking small daily positive action steps both internally and externally which will make a huge difference to you over a period of time.

You have to push yourself, make more of an effort to join in the conversations, if you keep on pushing yourself then bit by bit you will progressively get better and better. 

Don't allow fear to hold you back, fear cannot hold you back if you are prepared to confront it, but if you start to fear it, then it will control your life and actions, so do not be scared of feelings. 

Getting rid of your shyness 

The difference between confident people and shy people is. The confident and extrovert person will look forward to a social event or party, the see and imagine things going well, they feel excited about the forthcoming gathering.

This is preconditioning themselves to have a good time and to feel relaxed and at ease and they usually do. 

On the other hand, the shy and anxious person will perceive the same situations completely different. They will tend to worry and dread about everything that can possibly go wrong, 

This is mentally programming themselves to feel nervous and anxious about the event and when the time comes they feel anxious, which destroys their confidence and they do not enjoy the occasion, this can lead to relying on alcohol to give them the confidence to socialize. 

When you look forward to something it fills you with those good feeling positive emotions of excitement, joy, confidence and happiness which will suffocate those feelings of anxiety and nervousness, when your filled with excitement you cannot wait for the time to come. 

When you dread the thought of something it triggers negative emotions, more worry and anticipation and the urge to avoid the situation. 

Get into the habit of looking forward to social events, feel excited about them and replace words like I don't like or dread with enjoy, like and love.

Practice leads to confidence, make an effort to join in the conversations more, read and learn more because the more you know the more you will have to talk about.

Try not to be perfect because trying to be perfect leads to self consciousness pain and anxiety, be yourself and grow in confidence at your own pace. 

Get rid of all that negativity, learn to love and respect yourself. Change all that negative and critical inner self talk that makes you feel bad to positive and empowering inner self talk and notice how much better you feel.

Do not carry on feeding your mind with statements and stories that make you feel bad, because these self defeating thoughts are not you and they are not true they are just habits and bad patterns of thinking.

If people are nasty or critical towards you learn to let it go, do not buy into their harsh remarks otherwise you will feed your shyness and lower your self esteem and self worth. 

If you can stand up for yourself in a calm and assertive manner, but don't hold onto the emotional hurt.

The only person that can hold you back is you

Ask yourself the question what's really holding you back and limiting your self confidence? The answer to that is fear, conditioning and undervaluing yourself. 

What you have to say is worthwhile and matters, you know that you want to express yourself, but your feelings are preventing you from doing so, but you can override your feelings if you wish. 

Replace the negative what if thoughts to positive what if thoughts, like what if everything goes well, this will shift your energy to a more positive state, such as what if I make a fool of myself to what if I come across as calm, bold and confident.

If other people give you praise it makes you feel good and boosts your confidence if they say negative things about you it can knock your confidence, the same applies with how you speak to yourself. 

When you praise and say positive things to yourself it makes you feel good on the same token, if you say negative and self defeating things to yourself it makes you feel bad, so it makes sense to focus on more general and positive thoughts.

Human evolution has taught us to focus on the negative and if that's not bad enough, we then totally exaggerate and blow trivial things completely out of proportion to the extent where one negative experience can dominate and influence our patterns of thinking, our actions and behaviours and how we feel for days, weeks and years after.

So in future ignore the negative and only focus on the positive and the all that is good in your life and this world, because you will always find what you search for the most.

If things wrong for you or if you make a mistake, it's no big deal just laugh it, let it go off and move forwards. Ask yourself how do you want to live your life? 

It should be exciting, enjoyable and fun, if you're not living the life you want, then you have to do something about it.

 Get more involved

Do you get annoyed when people keep saying things like, you don't say much, you're quiet and so on, irritating isn't it. 

First, you have to want to change, don't change to suit what other people think about you, there is nothing wrong with being quiet if it suits you. 

Do not allow other peoples opinions to mold and shape your self image, you decide who you want to be and how you want to feel, you determine how you want others to perceive you, tell your mind how you want to be. 

Ask yourself what's really stopping you from being more outgoing and confident, the answer to that is probably fear and lack of self belief. But you are far more powerful than you think. 

Push yourself, start to speak a little bit louder and clearlyMake an effort to say more and to speak to more people, you have to sometimes force yourself to make more of an effort. 

The more you do an action through repetition eventually your mind will accept that new you, and it will become a positive habit. 

Don't just sit there waiting for people to speak to you first just make an effort to join in the conversations. Ask questions and direct the conversation onto others, try an be interested in what others like.

Stop caring what other people think or say

In order to grow in confidence and develop socially we sometimes need to think what the heck, then tell ourselves I know I can do this, I am not bothered what people think. 

Avoid giving your attention to anything that causes negative resistance and emotions, practice thinking only about things that cause good feelings. To be more confident you need those good feeling emotions. 

Keep pushing yourself bit by bit, it's all about conditioning yourself to be more bold and courageous, do and say things where normally you would hold back. 

Practice being confident in front of a mirror, just by observing yourself looking confident can do wonders for you, this is what successful people do.

We are also told as children not to show ourselves up or make a fool of ourselves or don't speak until your spoken to, grow up. All these kind of remarks would condition us to be shy and introvert. 

Shy and anxious people are constantly tormented and help back by their feelings of insecurity, sometimes we just have to be brave and say what the heck and then just do it. 

Try to stop monitoring and gauging how you're feeling and how you're coming across, remember they are only feelings, they cannot prevent you from doing anything unless you give into them.

Imagine how good it would feel if everyone wants a piece of you, you're the center of attention and you enjoy it. We fear the things we hate or dread the most and if you have conditioned yourself to hate being the center of attention, then you will have attached danger and anxiety to it.

A shift in your perceptions can help, if you can start to enjoy and like being the center of attention, then that can help replace the negative emotions with positive ones, see and imagine yourself enjoying the attention. 

The reality is your not actually scared of the attention, your scared of the negative feelings that you have attached to the situation, you see we only fear the things we attach emotion to. 

If you can learn to be calm and just observe your feelings when you first start to feel a bit uncomfortable then you will become less sensitive to fear.

The positive benefits of being more extrovert

Being more extrovert will not only boost your confidence, members of the opposite sex will want to be around you, when you're popular and charismatic everyone will want to be your friend, and secretly they will all envy your confidence, charm and wit. 

People will turn to you to seek your advice, they will want to indulge in your stories. You're strong, attractive, confident, radiating power will gain you respect, you will have the personality that everyone loves and adore.  

If that already describes you, great, you're well aware of how this rare ability affords you an incredible lifestyle, fun and thrilling social encounters, and open new doors to career opportunities closed off to shy people.

But if that's not you, pay attention, because your shyness can cause you to miss out on the enjoyment you should be experiencing. And what's more, you can be that person, almost immediately. 

In fact, if you're the type who shies away in the corner and tends to avoid social confrontation like so many people, the type who can't stand being the center of attention (but would love to) and is scared to death at the mere thought of standing up and speaking in front of a crowd of people then all is not lost.

Because you can turn yourself into a more confident person, for some developing confidence can take a lifetime, but if you are motivated and you put in the effort you can speed up the process. 

See, the reason you're shy and introverted isn't because you're any less social, humorous, intelligent or charismatic than others. Many confident people aren't smart or charismatic at all. The only difference from you and the extrovert is they just don't fear what other people think of them.

As a child, you were conditioned to keep your mouth shut. You were ordered to obey authority figures like parents, teachers, adults. As a grown-up, this "learned" behaviour is like a knife to your confidence, and it is no longer relevant to your life so it's time to shake it off.

The Fast Track Route To Becoming More Extrovert

This is a short article about the successful the "Extrovert Me" program written by leading self help guru and creator of many of the worlds leading self help products Bradley Thompson.

If you’ve suffered from shyness like me, then you know that it can be a major impediment to every activity in your life.

But you truly do not have to be suffering from shyness any more. Scientific studies have shown that shyness is a learned habit, and that it can be broken.

It’s easier than you think. Regardless of how long you’ve been “the shy one” at the party, or the “quiet one” at work, you don’t have to be left out or left behind anymore.

You don’t have to be a wallflower. You can be the one who gets the promotion, or the one who gets the date, or the one who people enjoy being with at a party. It’s not magic. It’s science. Let us show you how.

This is a short article promoting the "Extrovert Me" program written by leading self help guru and creator of many of the worlds leading self help products Bradley Thompson.

You've been invited to a huge party. Great! Or could it be ... 'oh no'? For shy people a party can be something to fear. Listen to what Sharon P. of Dallas, Texas told me about shyness.

"I was so shy! If I walked into a crowded room I felt everyone was looking at me. I would turn red trying to have the most basic conversations. My self-confidence would plummet and more than once I have run out of a room in tears."

The extrovert, however, is the polar opposite to the shy person. They happily attract attention. They even want to meet you. They're confident, friendly, fun and lively, heck, they're irresistible to everyone they meet.

Which are you? Are you an extrovert or are you shy like Sharon used to be? If you're a shy person listen closely.'You weren't born shy and it's not your fault.' Contrary to what you've heard you are not naturally shy or anti-social.

Nobody is born 'shy'. It's a developed conditioned response. Best news? You can easily unlearn shyness and become one of the extroverts. Imagine that! Bouncing into the next social gathering without fear and beaming with confidence. It is possible I know it for a fact.

How do I know? How can I speak with any authority on becoming an extrovert? My name is Bradley Thompson and I researched the topic extensively before designing the program "Extrovert Me". I designed it to bring out the extrovert in you. It works!

Frankly, it's one of the most rewarding self-development programs I have been involved with in the past 12 years. Why? Because when I designed this program I knew I was creating something to change people's lives.

It has, it does, and it will for you too. If you are the slightest bit curious about what it would be like to be one of the extroverts then do what Sharon did before she banished her shyness forever.

Please come and take a quick look at how you can change every day of your life, from this day forward, with this groundbreaking program.


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