Overcoming Relationship Insecurities 

Release Your Insecurities And Enjoy A Better, Loving And Happier Relationship

How you perceive and filter your partner's actions and behaviors, can negatively or positively affect you, the quality of your relationship and how you feel.

Are you always worried about your relationship. Are your past insecurities tormenting you, and sabotaging your current relationship, or your ability to form a new relationship. 

Do you feel the constant need for reassurance from your partner do you tar all men/woman with the same brush? 

Are your relationship insecurities so strong that you feel the urge to question and doubt what your partner is up to or where they are. 

Is your imagination filling your mind, with the worst case scenario syndromes, even though, everything is OK?

Are your, hidden and unresolved insecurities putting a strain on your relationship to the point where you risk pushing your partner away.

Did you know that you can use your relationship insecurities to help you become a better you which can make your relationship stronger, better and more passionate.

Insecurity in a relationship is very common, at it is the root cause of many problems in many relationships.

You might not even beware that you have these hidden insecurities and patterns that are damaging your relationship as well as hurting you.

You may have done your best to think positive, but you find those thoughts and feelings of insecurity keep on returning.

How often, have you allowed your doubts, insecurities and suspicions, even if you have no real evidence to back them up, push you into saying or doing things that caused a heated argument or resulted in something that you later regretted?

Your past insecurities can also block of your chances of enjoying a normal, healthy, loving and fulfilling relationship, both on a physical and an emotional level.

Relationship insecurities, can spoil a happy and normal relationship.

Or if you have been involved in a bad or abusive relationship, they can prevent you from starting a new loving relationship for the fear of having to go through the same bad experience again.

Bad relationships, can lead us to stereotype, all men/woman as being the same.

Become mindful to the thoughts that are driving your insecurities

The first step that you need to take is to learn to be aware of those intrusive and obsessive thought patterns that are driving your insecurities and impulses to seek reassurance or feel the need for certainty.

Once you have become mindful too those repetitive thoughts, you can begin to challenge and question them, so you don't allow them to push you into a confrontation or cross examination of your partner.

The last thing you want is to have a heated and argument, because they cause more damage than good, and there is little to gain, but a lot to be lost, by having an argument.

If you feel insecure, you are probably always seeking reassurance, but when you fall into the insecurity pattern, it does not matter how much reassurance you receive. 

Fear and insecurity thrive on the need for certainty and the knowing everything will be OK.  But you can never have the complete certainty that you're seeking. 

Most of the time you already probably know, that your thoughts of jealousy and insecurity are not even realistic and you have no real evidence to back them up, except for your overactive imagination.

However, that does not necessarily, stop the bombardment, of negative and insecure thoughts and perceptions.

To begin to suffocate and reduce your relationship insecurities. It is best to accept the worst case scenario could happen. 

Sometimes, even though you want the certainty that your relationship will last forever. You have to accept, that you cannot have that guarantee, and if it did happen. It is not the end of the world.

Let you know that. If your relationship was to end, you will be alright. Because by welcoming a bit of uncertainty, you will have less feelings of insecurity, which will actually increase the chances of your relationship lasting and flourishing.

Sometimes having a care less type of attitude, can actually end your fears and worries, which can actually have a positive effect on your relationship. 

Of course, you don't want to spend much time thinking about your relationship ending. The reason, why you're accepting the worst and being OK with it is because. 

You want to ease all your worries and insecurities, so it will make your relationship better. Otherwise, you will feel that you need to be with your partner, or know their every move, just to make sure everything is fine.

This will put pressure on your relationship, and prevent both you and your partner enjoying doing their own things.

Turn your insecurities into positives. Use them to motivate you to solve your own worries and relationship insecurities, so you can harness all that energy to help you make you and your relationship better.

Because when you feel content and at peace this is going to reflect itself, back out into your relationship in many positive ways.

Of course, you want to have a happy and loving relationship, but once you know you can handle a relationship breakup, you can put all your energy and focus on having a great relationship.

Because your relationship is not meant to make you feel unhappy, worried and anxious, 

You should be enjoying a fun and passionate relationship experience with all the many positive physical and emotional benefits that a good solid and loving relationship can bring you.

Although we blame our partners for our current relationships. Sometimes this may be justified, other times it is not.

Before you can go about having your ideal perfect loving relationship that you desire. You may need to resolve your own insecurities and emotional issues first.

How a happy relationship, might add, on years to your life?

According to research by the American Psychological Association. A good happy and loving relationship can do wonders for your health and mood. And it may even help, to add on years to your life.

The report states, that isolation and loneliness, maybe linked to health and well-being issues.

The study suggests that. When you have two people who are working together to have a good and happy relationship. Then it can lead to many positive health and well-being benefits.

Close personal connections, can have a positive impact on our health and state of being. Whilst a bad or toxic relationship can have the adverse effect, causing you endless worry, anger and stress. 

This is why it is of utmost importance, that you release your relationship insecurities that are toxic to your relationship and bad for your health and well-being.

If you suffer from chronic relationship insecurity, then you have a major disadvantage with your relationship and your levels of happiness.

Relationship insecurities will simmer and boil within the confinements of your mind. They can make your life hell and they can make life a misery for your, probably confused, partner.

Obsessive thoughts and fearful emotions that come with insecurity, can be so powerful and overwhelming. 

Although at heart, you just want a happy and loving relationship. Your obsessive thoughts can push you into doing and saying things that can potentially damage and destroy your relationship.

If you leave your insecurities untreated, they will fester under the surface. In the end, you will run the risk of destroying the very thing that is most important to you and your happiness.

But it is not just you that suffers, your partner will also feel the pain and if you have children, then it can affect them as well.

Your relationship insecurities, can make life unbearable for you, but they can also make life unbearable for your partner.

Yet, if you overcome your relationship securities. You and your partner can return to a normal life so you can go on to enjoy all the positive benefits and bliss, that a happy and intimate relationship can bring you.

However, if you leave your insecurities to carry on doing their damage, then it can lead to serious relationship problems, further on down the line. 

Because, no matter how hard you try to suppress your feelings, thoughts and insecurities. The chances are, the strong feelings and emotions will keep on resurfacing and get the better of you. 

Emotions and feelings can be so overwhelming, that you won't be able to help yourself, from seeking reassurance or constantly analyzing and checking your partners every move.

Your relationship matters to you. But your relationships are meant to bring you pleasure and happiness, not pain and emotional suffering.

A happy and loving, healthy relationship is one of the human's basic emotional needs and desires. It is the foundation for a happy, peaceful and fulfilling life experience. 

When your relationship is good. You feel good, and life becomes wonderful, blissful and easy. 

But, when you have niggling relationship insecurities it negatively affects your life and it becomes difficult to enjoy a loving and fulfilling relationship. 

But it is not just your emotional well-being and relationship that is at stake. All the worry and stress can take its toll on your health.

Relationship insecurities cause you to ask many intrusive questions, in your quest to seek reassurance and quell those underlying fears and doubts. 

Your forever anxious and insecure mind pushes you into analyzing, questioning and doubting your partners every move.

When your insecurity takes over. You will ask those questions like. 
  • He/she, doesn't find myself attracted any more. 
  • Does he/she still love me? 
  • It is not the same as it used to be 
  • Is he/she going to leave me? 
  • What is he/she up to? 
  • Why hasn't he/she answered my text?  
  • Have I done something wrong?
  • This is too good to last 
  • Everything always goes wrong for me 
  • I am driving him/her away 
  • I cannot stand the thought of losing him/her 
  • He/she, is losing interest in me
  • He/she is more interested in their friend/hobbies 
  • Has he met someone else 
  • What's he/she up to/planning? 
  • Why is he/she so quiet? 
  • What can I do?
The next thing that tends to happen is. Once you pose your mind those questions of insecurity and doubt.

Your mind will try and come back with an answer, and it will usually paint a picture and tell a story of what you fear the most.

This will trigger an internal investigation and analysis, which will be based on your inner perceptions rather than real life facts.   

Low self esteem leads to insecurity

Many insecure people also suffer with low levels of self esteem and self worth. If you think that you're not worthy or good enough, it can prevent you from enjoying a happy relationship.

Low self esteem and low self worth, can leave you always feeling the need to be reassured. It can also make you feel, that your partner, does not find you attractive or they do not really love you or want to be with you.

But this is not always true. Because, your partner chose to be with you in the first place and if they're still with you now, then this indicates that they still want to be with you.

What you're thinking and perceiving, does not necessarily reflect, what they're thinking and feeling.

Yes, some relationships run their course. But at the same time, many good relationships are ruined by inner underlying insecurities.

Your anxious mind, can see and imagine a problem that don't really exists in your actual reality, often making a problem out of noting or finding a problem that does not really exist.

Ironically, all the worrying and fear, of a relationship breakup, creates a breeding ground for more insecurity, that can sadly, lead to a problem or relationship split. 

Even though, you probably already had a perfectly good and healthy, loving relationship, where there was never, initially a problem.

Insecurity is linked to fear, and fear is linked to uncertainty. This can leave you always wanting to be reassured, but as you know. 

No matter how many times your partner reassures you, it is never enough. The reason for this is because an uncertain and insecure mind, is never a settled, satisfied or content mind.

Insecurity and uncertainty, keeps you focused on the worse case scenario, which will prevent you from experiencing all the good, that a happy and loving relationship can offer you.

This can lead to chronic stress, anger, tension and emotional pain.

Treating the root cause of your relationship insecurities

Relationship insecurities cause friction and conflict, they will eat away at you and they can destroy a perfectly good relationship. 

Very often, people who are insecure look on the outside to try and fix their problem, hoping it will calm their fears and their emotional needs, will be met.

Unfortunately, this leads you to seek reassurance from your partner all the time. Leaving you always relying on their behaviors, actions and affection, to calm your worried mind.

The trouble is. When you fail to treat to root source of your problem. You will always be relying on your outside circumstances to change, to make you feel at ease. 

When you're totally reliant on your partner to quieten your insecurities, at best. This will only give you temporary relief.

Insecurity is an internal problem and inner conflict which is going on within your mind, which creates all those unpleasant feelings, thoughts and emotional attachments.

Many of your relationship insecurities are born from your past negative experiences and beliefs, these bad experiences, when left untreated, will carry on influencing your now and your future.

What has happened in the past, does not necessarily reflect your current situation.

The major fault with our minds is. Our brain uses our past experiences, to try and protect us and make sure we don't suffer the same emotional pain again.

This can cause you to perceive a present situation, through the lens of a past bad experience, causing you to imagine the worst or sabotage what is good.

The more something matters to you, the more, emotionally significant it becomes to you. 

What happens then is. Your emotional brain will fear the worst and ignore the good. Causing you to think about what you suspect or what you don't want to happen more often. 

Your inner critical voice will seize on this, and if you're not careful, you will believe your negative inner critical voice, more than your partner and more than the real actual truth.

Insecure people are too influenced and dictated by their thoughts, feelings and perceptions and they live their life in the emotions of their sometimes, make believe inner world.

Sometimes, our perceptions of what we think and believe to be true, is nothing more than us, playing along to a bad nightmare.

Some people might say there is no smoke without fire. But it all depends on who is lightening and stoking the fire.

If you can accept the worst case scenario and deal with it and let you know that, "Whatever happens you'll be Ok. Then that can put an end to your fears and anxieties.

You have to try and distinguish between what is a damaging negative believe, thought or suspicion and what is fact. 

Otherwise, you will be at the mercy of that self doubting, self critical and self sabotaging inner voice.

Your inner critical voice will make things up and flood your mind with thoughts of pessimism, doom, doubt and disaster. 

And then it will turn on you, and it will viciously attack your self worth, self esteem and your self value.

Until the inner critic is silenced and your insecurities are released or changed, rarely will things get better.

This is why it is so important to fix the real root cause of your problem, and you do this, by treating your inner insecurities from the inside. 

Once you do that, as your mind will begin to settle and you will find that you begin to feel less insecure and more balanced.

What you will probably find is. Once all the pressure, the dark clouds and the stress and anxiety have been lifted. 

Your relationship will automatically start to get better, which will greatly benefit the both of you.

If you want things to return back to the way they used to be during the good times, visit the website below.

Is your imagination a reflection of the truth?

If you suffer with relationship insecurities, then sometimes no matter how many times your partner reassures you, it is never enough.

You want to stop worrying and fretting about what your partner is up to, or why he/she has not immediately answered your latest text.

But yet again, you find that your imagination is taking over you and filling in all the blanks.

But can you really trust your imagination, let alone act on it?

Do you always think the worst case scenario and then believe it, instead of looking at the more realistic reasons first?

Your imagination is very good at creating the story and scenario in your mind that you fear and worry about the most.

The solution is not to try and make your partner change or constantly text you and reassure you, the solution is, to change the way you react and perceive your situations.

The thing to be aware of, your imagination is not real, it is just a projection of possibilities that often are not backed up by any evidence.

Again, learn to be mindful to the thoughts and imaginings that are causing you all your stress and your negative emotions.

Instead of judging without real evidence, and instead of becoming engaged in the stories of your mind, decide how you want to respond to your thoughts and feelings.

We all have our own thoughts and perceptions, engaging in thoughts of doubt and insecurity lead to strong negative feelings and emotions.

Once you learn how to change the way you respond to your experiences and your imagination, then you will be left feeling calmer, more in control and more at peace.

And when you are at peace with yourself and your relationship, your partner and your relationship will benefit, greatly.

All you have to do is to practice changing the way you respond to your thoughts and beliefs, this takes a little bit of practice, but you will soon be left feeling calmer and more in control of your feelings and emotions.

When you sense an emotion, and you either try to suppress it or resist it, then you will not process that emotions, so your problem and your insecurities will persist and you won't overcome it or let go of it.

Many of us hold on to negative thoughts, feelings and emotions instead of releasing them.

The thing to do is to acknowledge the emotion and thoughts, feel the emotion and feelings, without reacting, and then choose what you're going to do about your fear, concern or worry, or just change it, dismiss it or release it and let it go.

Is a previous bad memory, causing your insecurities

The reason why many people suffer with relationship insecurities is because they have previously been in a bad or abusive relationship.

Bad relationships, experience where you have been hurt, treated bad or cheated on, can stop you enjoying new relationships.

It only takes is one bad relationship experience to negatively affect your future relationship.

It is bad enough having your ex partner cause you all the hurt and pain, but you cannot afford to allow them to spoil and jeopardize your future happiness.

They may even put you off starting a brand new relationship,

What you have to ask yourself, are you going to believe and accept that every relationship that you have now or in the future is going to be the same as your bad experience. 

Bad memories can act as fuel for insecurities and negative thought patterns.

If you think that you have a bad memory that is the reason behind your insecurities and fears, then you do not have to let your bad memory rob you of the love, joy and happiness that a relationship can bring, and the happiness that you deserve.

The strong emotions, such as anger, anxiety, insecurity, suspicion and frustration, can cause you to  

  • Seek reassurance all the time 
  • Make you clingy 
  • Cause you to doubt and check up on your partner 
  • Lead to arguments 
  • Trying to figure out what your partner is up to 
  • Questioning the fact, has he/she gone off me or does he/she still love me
Feelings and emotions that are linked to insecurity can be very powerful and dictating if you allow them to simmer and gather momentum.

Because of these strong emotional drives, you won't be able to help yourself and you will probably end up saying things to your confused partner that you later regret or things that can damage your relationship.

If you feel insecure in your relationship, your mind will constantly search for evidence to back up your insecurities and your mind will find problems, even where problems don't actually exist.

Some of you may ask the question, there is no smoke without fire? 

So far we have focused on the person who feels insecure and pointed out how most of the time their insecurities are just a figment of their imagination, feelings of unworthiness or the after effects of a previous bad relationship experience.

But not all relationships are perfect and bad things do happen, sometimes there might be a valid reason for your worries, suspicion and concerns, even though most of the times you will probably be worrying over nothing.

Many experts only focus on the perfect scenarios, but sometimes you need to be able to deal with the imperfect situations, accept the worse case scenario, (But do not put up with it) to take you closer to having the perfect relationships.

We cannot totally ignore the fact, that there are some unscrupulous people who cheat, treat people bad or they spend just a bit too much time with their mates, at work or doing their hobbies.

Sometimes you may have to try and distinguish between your imagination, your ego, your insecure self and your intuition.

It is your intuition that you need to listen to and not your ego.

If bad things do happen to you, then do not allow anyone to diminish you or knock you down.

Let yourself know, that you're are amazing and great.

Sometimes you have to stop caring any more, to free yourself of all the inner pain, this does not mean that you should have to put up with being neglected, unappreciated or cheated on.

But for your own sake and peace of mind, you need to put a bit more focus on doing what is best for you and making the most of your talents, instead of beating yourself up all the time over your partner.

Your own happiness is the most important thing, and the reality is, others can hurt you, but only you can defeat and diminish you.

If you feel that you have been treated badly or unfairly, you need to avoid going rushing in with all guns blazing, just in case you have totally misjudged the situation or you overreact, when it is not justified.

When we feel our boundaries have been crossed or we have been treated badly, it is very easy to get hooked up into our negative emotions such as feeling angry or resentful.

Once you become engaged with your emotions and the stories in your mind, you will be heading for trouble and suffering.

Again, you need to make sure you don't allow your anger to simmer and gather momentum, until you reach boiling point.

If you have to confront your partner or deal with a situation you want to be able to think clearly and rationally, instead of going with your emotions.

At the onset of anger, again, embrace the emotion and let it run, until it passes, then when you're calm, you can analyze your situation, and deal with it calmly or let it go.





Stopping your past from ruining your now

Don't always judge your current partner or circumstances by your past negative or unpleasant experiences, otherwise you will live your now carrying the emotional pain and baggage of your past.

If you allow it, your negative past can rob you of your deserved right of feeling happy now and leave you feeling insecure about your future.

A typical insecure pattern of thinking can something like this

"My Husband/boyfriend-wife/girlfriend, left me- No men can be trusted!"

"I was cheated on by my lover, so you now stereotype all men/woman as being the same, so you convince yourself,  how can you ever trust any man/women again"

"My partner who I loved and who I have been with for a long time left me. Therefore, I will never allow myself to fall in love again, because you only end up getting hurt!"

This type of generalizing can leave you feeling guarded and it can prevent people from being able to trust and commit into forming a new loving relationship.

Merely because of all the fear and anxiety of making the same mistakes again, or you now have the attitude of, is it worth the risk of getting hurt again.

This can also lead you into putting up your barriers and maybe becoming a bit too defensive and judgmental.

Love is a very powerful emotion and driving force, it can be great when love is blooming and everything is running smoothly, but it can crush you and bring you down, when it goes wrong, or more importantly, even if you think it is going wrong.

You must not allow your past to prevent you from having a happy relationship, what you have to be aware of is, all people and circumstances are different, so try not to let what has happened in the past to condemn yourself to live an unhappy life.

We learn to avoid anything that might cause us emotional pain, but not everybody is the same, so why allow somebody else that is no longer a part of your life, to make your life unhappy now or in the future.

If you find that your relationship insecurities and anxieties are getting the better of you, then you might benefit greatly by learning how to manage those anxious thoughts that are fueling your insecurities.

Do your insecurities run deeper

If you are feeling insecure about your partner, then it can also force you to try and control them and get them to think and act how you want them to be.

Your insecurity in your relationship could be a by-product of some other deep insecurities that you still have about yourself that maybe you're not aware of.

It may be an indication that there may be many other parts of your life that are not reliable and it may mean that you do not have a very good relationship with yourself.

Life is full of insecurities and we often make the mistake of relying on material things such as our relationship, our jobs, money, and other material possessions to make us feel happy and secure.

This however is a recipe for disaster and hurt, because we are handing over all our power and happiness to others and other things and this breeds feelings of anxiety and insecurity.

Nothing in the physical world is guaranteed or secure and you can lose things at any given moment, including your partner. 

Because, if you allow your life to resolves around relying on your partner for all your happiness more than feeling good about yourself then this will breed insecurity.

Most people who are insecure in their relationship tend to hold many insecurities about themselves.

Many deep down, think that they are not good enough, worthy enough or deserving. 

If this is the case, then, it will need addressing, each morning and before you go to bed, stand in front of the mirror and say ten times, 
  • I am good enough 
  • I am worthy enough 
  • I like myself
Although you would like to have the certainty that you and your partner will live happily ever after, you simply cannot have that guarantee and if you totally rely on your partner to determine your happiness then you run the risk of a life of more emotional insecurity and suffering.

What you cannot ever lose though, is your ability to feel good regardless of any outside person, situation, thing or possession. 

You may stop together with your partner for the rest of your life, but this is not just about your relationship, it is also about you as well.

If you want to invest some time in feeling more secure and happy, then some of that time should be spent on working on feeling good about yourself and growing. 

Because the only thing that is ever secure is the love that your inner being has for you, and when you're feeling insecure your going against what your inner being knows is best for you, so make peace with yourself and your relationship will take care of itself. 

Learn to love and form a good relationship with yourself because your inner being is the only thing that you can truly rely on, and nothing can ever take that away from you.

What you do have full total control over is, your own happiness, your future, your thought processes and your feelings and it is equally important to love yourself as much as you love your partner.

Your relationship should not be the means to your happiness, your happiness should be the means to a great relationship.

You might want to ask yourself?

Are you just feeling insecure about your partner or do your insecurities run much deeper. 

Because there could be some other underlying insecurities that you hold about yourself that could be the root cause of your relationship insecurities.

This can be thinking that you're not worth or good enough or it could be a sign that you undervalue yourself or you have a low opinion of yourself.

It is equally if not more important to love and feel good about yourself than it is to devote all your feelings and love to just your partner.

There is no one more important to you than you, and learning to like, respect and appreciate yourself are necessary ingredients for having a wonderful and loving relationship and life.

It is great to be in a loving and happy relationship, but what matters the most to you is the love that you have for yourself.

It is not wise to totally rely on your partner to determine how you feel, because they will have their own mood swings, issues and problems to deal with.

Feeling insecure is unattractive and a bad way to live your life, you will be more attractive if you start to feel good about yourself and your partner will thank you for it.

Release your insecurities so you can begin to enjoy your relationship

To avoid conflict and to reduce your insecurities, have a conversation with your partner about the things that you both like doing. 

If there is something bothering you, do not bottle it up, talk to your partner, in a calm manner, about what it is that is bothering you.

Once you find out what they like doing, so long as what they are doing is innocent, don’t try to change or stop them. 

Many experts suggest that you make sacrifices in your relationship, but this can cause resentment and add more pressure.

So sometimes it is better, to allow them to do the things they enjoy, as long as it is not excessive, and as long as you both, spend some quality time together. 

At the same time, spend some time doing the things that you like and enjoy. You have not got to spend, all your time together.

The key is, to meet each other halfway, instead of trying to be with your partner, or to constantly want to keep tabs on them, all the time, just to ease your own insecurities and doubts.

When you begin to release your insecurities, and you let go of the need to control, monitor and you stop becoming so clingy, then you will free yourself up, to enjoy doing some of the things that you like, which should work wonders for your relationship.

You're only insecure because you seek certainty and you fear the consequences

One of the reasons why you're feeling insecure is because you think there is a consequence or a price to pay.

The consequences usually resolve around 

  • The fear that your relationship is breaking down 
  • The fear that your partners are having or they might have an affair
  • The fear they are losing interest in you

If you're feeling insecure about your relationship then there is little point in torturing yourself, perhaps it might help you to ask yourself?

Would it be the end of the world if your relationship broke down, because in some cases, people can find more happiness after they split up and they go on to find a more suitable partner or it leads to a better life. 

This does not mean that you should give up on your current relationship, but just by accepting that your relationship might end and you're OK with that, can ease some of your insecurities.

Anxiety is fuelled by the need for certainty, but you cannot always have the certainty that you're seeking. 

The need to have the certainty that you and your partner will stay together forever, can be the very thing that ends up destroying your relationship.  

If you accept, you cannot have the relationship certainty that you're after, but you let yourself know whatever happens, you'll be OK, then you will begin to take away some of those feelings of insecurity.

Then you will have taken a big step in dealing with your relationship insecurities, and the good thing is, because you will be feeling better you'll relationship will actually benefit from this.

You feel insecure because you cannot look beyond the consequences of a break up, and although you don't want to split up, by letting your mind know you can handle and cope with it you will actually be giving your relationship a much better chance to flourish and sparkle.

By accepting the worse case scenario and dealing with it, you will show to your mind that the consequences are not that bad, and if the worst scenario, did happen, you can handle it and it's not the end of your world.

Just by doing this it can calm you down, leaving you to focus on better things, and very often what you will find when you cease worrying and thinking about your relationship.

This will take all the stress and pressure off you and your partner, and you will probably find, that, your relationship will grow stronger. 

The breeding ground for anxiety and insecurity, is all the uncertainty, self doubting and the not knowing, but sometimes in life you cannot always have the guarantee you're seeking. 

But if you can reassure your mind that, you can come through, the breakdown of your relationship and you can still enjoy your life, then this will allow you to enjoy the time you have with your partner.



Is your past robbing you of feeling good now

If you have been previously cheated on or you have been let down or hurt before, then this can drive and fuel your fears and insecurities.

One of the root causes of insecurity in relationships is having a negative past relationship experience.

If you have been hurt, deceived or cheated on in your past or your present relationship, then that is bound to make you feel a bit insecure because it is a very unpleasant and painful experience to endure and go through. 

There is usually an after effect of being cheated on, if it has happened to you before then you will be on your guard in the future, you will know how to spot all the signs so if a similar incidence occurs you will pounce on it straight away because of your now new suspicious mind. 

This is not your fault, you were not the one who cheated and because of all the hurt, then you naturally don't want it to happen again.

The only problem is, just because it happened once does not necessarily mean it will happen again. 

But our past bad relationships or our negative experiences in our current relationship can leave us feeling vulnerable or insecure.

Anxiety and insecurity thrive off the fear of something bad happening, but if you tame down the consequences, then you will cut off the fuel supply to your fears.

Anxiety and worry will rob you of living your life in the peace and happiness of the now, our bad experiences can make us live our lives in the past and they can make you afraid and insecure about the future. 

When you're feeling insecure and anxious then the part of your mind that deals with emotions will begin to increasingly exaggerate the risks and keep you stuck in a negative state of blowing up everything out of proportion. 

This is why it is just as important to solve your own insecurities and work on yourself as it is to work on your relationship. 

Insecurity is a form of anxiety and when you feel anxious your mind will search for reasons and meanings to validate your fears and insecurities

If you believe something to be true, regardless of whether it is true or false, then your mind will search for evidence to support those beliefs. 

If you don't know exactly what they're doing, it can make you suspicion, causing your mind to fill in the blanks.

This may cause you to constantly monitor your partner and question what they're doing, what you think is wrong or what they're up to. 

But remember you're not a mind reader so be careful not to read into something that is not accurate or even true because the human mind is very good at making things up.

This may lead you to constantly question and probe your partner and to seek reassurance that they still love you or everything is fine. 



Emotional Neediness And Being Addicted To Love

When you become too insecure in your relationships it can indicate that you have become addicted to love where you may have reached a point of coming across as too needy, clingy and desperate which can be very unattractive to your partner.    

Love is a very powerful emotion and it becomes even more powerful at times when you have become separate from a loved one or you think you're about to lose the love of your life. 

This can drive you to desperate measures and irrational thinking patterns, actions and behaviours.

Some of the reasons that can make you become addicted to love is because somewhere along the way you may feel some of your emotional needs were not properly met or you do not like or love yourself as much as you should.

This can cause you to seek constant reassurance and security from your partner because it is the only way you have to balance and stabilize their emotions.

Channel Your Love In Other Ways

You cannot always rely and depend on your partner to give you the full undivided attention and emotional security that you seek. 

The reason being is, they are far to often tied up with their own issues and interests, so no one is going to devote all their attention and give you the love you want and you feel you need all the time. 

Love is a very powerful emotion to a point where the need to feel loved and wanted can start to disrupt your whole life where you might reach a point where you get to the stage where you're constantly yearning for love to much.

Maybe you have been hurt in the past or maybe you have lost someone you love and you are trying to recapture that love, connection and good times, perhaps you have been cheated on and that is driving your insecurities.

Your desire to be loved could stem back from your early childhood, perhaps you felt neglected or unloved when you were young and that has made you yearn and crave love now.

To make matters worse you may get envious of your friends and other people who you think are in a perfect relationship causing you to question, is there something wrong with you and asking yourself why does everything always go wrong for me. This can leave you stuck in a seemingly never ending negative cycle.

Before you can have a happy and secure relationship you need to have a good relationship with yourself first and if you're a person who craves to be loved then you should first start to channel some of your love in other directions including on yourself.

Turn your inner passion, love and creativity into pursuing your true purpose, many famous writers, artists and musicians use their inner feelings to drive them to success and do more things of the things you love.

You will often find that when you come to terms with your own insecurities and you be yourself and you put more attention into loving yourself and feeling good without having any external conditions attached then your life will start to improve.

Because when your relationship with yourself improves your relationship with your partner or the opposite sex will improve as well. 

And although your goal is to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with your partner is not going to be there all the time, so you need to enjoy and make the most of your free time and put it to good use instead of digging up your insecurities and torturing yourself.

Give Up The Need To Try To Control Everything

Your relationship insecurity can cause you to try to control your partner making you come across as bossy and to dominate

When people are insecure and because of its links to anxiety, it can cause you to want to have a feeling of certainty that everything will always be OK.

But unfortunately the need for certainty can lead to more worry, stress and tension and even anger which can cause even more problems in your relationship.   

You have to accept that you cannot have everything on your terms and the more you try and control your partner and your outside situations the worst you tend to make things.

It is far better to learn how to control your internal world and dialogue because when you master how to control your thoughts and emotions, then you will find that you will begin to calm down which will have a positive impact on your relationship.

Sometimes the insecure person will issue about their looks and their bodies and because they are insecure about their looks they will constantly look to their partners to seek approval and validate how good they look. 

Even when their partner tells them that they look great, the insecure partner will not accept the nice comments.   

They will often instantly dismiss or contradict the compliments by saying things like, no I don't, I look fat or I look ugly, this does not suit me. 

It can be very frustrating and annoying for your partner, especially when their compliments are genuine and sincere, so accept all the nice things they say to you.

Yet if you are happy with yourself and happy in your own skin you won't need or seek out reassurance all the time with your partner. 

The key is, accept what you cannot change and improve on the things you can.    

If you keep putting yourself down and being harsh on yourself, that is what will become your self image which eventually will become a part of you and your reality. 

So isn't it time you started being nice to yourself and when you love and accept yourself completely, then the good thing is you will begin to feel more secure in your relationship. 

Remember the thoughts you have about yourself and your relationships will determine your actions and decisions that can determine the future outcome of your relationship and your life. 

Trust Your Intuition, Not Your Imagination

Sometimes there may be a valid reason or you may have an underlying niggling suspicion about what your partner is up to or how they are treating you, perhaps they're behaving oddly or acting differently and this could be why you feel a bit insecure.

The trouble is, our mind hates the not knowing, so when we feel a bit insecure or unsure about something then our mind and our imagination will try and second guess and fill in the blanks for us.

The only trouble with our imagination is, it is not very accurate or reliable, most of the time it blows things out of proportion and it makes things up based on the information it is fed or the data it has collected from your previous experiences. 

When we believe something is not right, regardless of whether we're right or wrong, or if we believe what we think or suspect is true.

Then our mind will search for evidence to back up our claims and suspicions, things that conform to our beliefs. Our imagination will use this information as feedback and then it will just make things up by creating negative stories in our mind.

The things to remember is, do not always trust or follow your imagination, otherwise it will endlessly torment you and cause you grief and stress.

Try to listen to and follow your intuition rather than your imagination. If you find your imagination is starting to create a story in your head to match your uncertainty over a situation regarding your partner, then just pause for a minute or two, and say to yourself.

What am I creating here, what evidence or grounds in reality do I actually have to back up these beliefs and idea's. 

Then, instead of winding yourself up, take a break, go and relax and then reassess the situation or try and look at it from a more objective perspective or a different possibility or let it go. If you're still concerned, when you have calmed down, have a talk with your partner.

Trust In Yourself And Your Life

Trust plays a massive role in the success of a relationship, this means trusting your partner and learning to have trust in yourself and your unique qualities.  

Learn to believe and value yourself, trust everything always works out right if you get out of the way and you allow things to work out without you trying to control everything including your partner. 

Trust is vital if you want to end all your relationship insecurities, things that cause you to lose your trust are, being the victim of an affair and having a low opinion of yourself. 

Try not to get too jealous unless it is really warranted, especially if your partner talks, admires or looks at the opposite sex. 

Everybody talks to the opposite sex now and again.

Remember beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and they have chosen to be with you for a reason. 

You will have a developed a special bond between you and your partner, the moment you show your insecurities is the moment you will begin to chip away at that special bond.

If you have deep insecurities then you need to address them and the sooner you deal with your insecurities the better otherwise you run the risk of causing a breakdown in the trust you have with your partner which can in time cause an unrecoverable rift between you. 

It is far better to work on improving your relationship instead of trying to destroy all the good you already have. 

Some people who feel insecure in their relationships wrongly presume that their partners have lost interest in them especially if they spend a lot of time pursuing their interests or working long hours. 

Your partner and you should be allowed to enjoy doing their own things and being too possessive is a sign of insecurity.

But everybody should be entitled to do their own things and it does not necessarily mean they have lost interest in you and you can have separate interests yet you can still have a healthy and loving relationship.

Don't allow your own relationship insecurity and doubts from robbing you of a perfectly good and healthy relationship.



 


Overcoming Insecurity In Relationships



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