Overcoming Relationship Insecurities
- He/she, doesn't find myself attracted any more.
- Does he/she still love me?
- It is not the same as it used to be
- Is he/she going to leave me?
- What is he/she up to?
- Why hasn't he/she answered my text?
- Have I done something wrong?
- This is too good to last
- Everything always goes wrong for me
- I am driving him/her away
- I cannot stand the thought of losing him/her
is losinginterest in me
- He/she is more interested in their friend/hobbies
- Has he met someone else
- What's he/she up to/planning?
- Why is he/
- What can I do?
- Seek reassurance all the time
- Make you clingy
- Cause you to doubt and check up on your partner
- Lead to arguments
- Trying to figure out what your partner is up to
- Questioning the fact, has he/she
off me or does he/she still love me gone
- I am good enough
- I am worthy enough
- I like myself
One of the reasons why you're feeling insecure is because you think there is a consequence or a price to pay.
The consequences usually resolve around
- The fear that your relationship is breaking down
- The fear that your partners are having or they might have an affair
- The fear they are losing interest in you
If you're feeling insecure about your relationship then there is little point in torturing yourself, perhaps it might help you to ask yourself?
Although you want to improve your relationship, if you can take away the consequences, by accepting the worse case scenario, and know that, you'll be fine, then you will begin to take away the fear.
Would it be the end of the world if your relationship broke down, because in some cases, people can find more happiness after they split up and they go on to find a more suitable partner or it leads to a better life.
This does not mean that you should give up on your current relationship, but just by accepting that your relationship might end and you're OK with that, can ease some of your insecurities.
Anxiety is fuelled by the need for certainty, but you cannot always have the certainty that you're seeking.
The need to have the certainty that you and your partner will stay together forever, can be the very thing that ends up destroying your relationship.
If you accept, you cannot have the relationship certainty that you're after, but you let yourself know whatever happens, you'll be OK, then you will begin to take away some of those feelings of insecurity.
Then you will have taken a big step in dealing with your relationship insecurities, and the good thing is, because you will be feeling better you'll relationship will actually benefit from this.
You feel insecure because you cannot look beyond the consequences of a break up, and although you don't want to split up, by letting your mind know you can handle and cope with it you will actually be giving your relationship a much better chance to flourish and sparkle.
By accepting the worse case scenario and dealing with it, you will show to your mind that the consequences are not that bad, and if the worst scenario, did happen, you can handle it and it's not the end of your world.
Just by doing this it can calm you down, leaving you to focus on better things, and very often what you will find when you cease worrying and thinking about your relationship.
This will take all the stress and pressure off you and your partner, and you will probably find, that, your relationship will grow stronger.
The breeding ground for anxiety and insecurity, is all the uncertainty, self doubting and the not knowing, but sometimes in life you cannot always have the guarantee you're seeking.
But if you can reassure your mind that, you can come through, the breakdown of your relationship and you can still enjoy your life, then this will allow you to enjoy the time you have with your partner.
If you have been previously cheated on or you have been let down or hurt before, then this can drive and fuel your fears and insecurities.
One of the root causes of insecurity in relationships is having a negative past relationship experience.
If you have been hurt, deceived or cheated on in your past or your present relationship, then that is bound to make you feel a bit insecure because it is a very unpleasant and painful experience to endure and go through.
There is usually an after effect of being cheated on, if it has happened to you before then you will be on your guard in the future, you will know how to spot all the signs so if a similar incidence occurs you will pounce on it straight away because of your now new suspicious mind.
This is not your fault, you were not the one who cheated and because of all the hurt, then you naturally don't want it to happen again.
The only problem is, just because it happened once does not necessarily mean it will happen again.
But our past bad relationships or our negative experiences in our current relationship can leave us feeling vulnerable or insecure.
Anxiety and insecurity thrive off the fear of something bad happening, but if you tame down the consequences, then you will cut off the fuel supply to your fears.
Anxiety and worry will rob you of living your life in the peace and happiness of the now, our bad experiences can make us live our lives in the past and they can make you afraid and insecure about the future.
When you're feeling insecure and anxious then the part of your mind that deals with emotions will begin to increasingly exaggerate the risks and keep you stuck in a negative state of blowing up everything out of proportion.
This is why it is just as important to solve your own insecurities and work on yourself as it is to work on your relationship.
If you believe something to be true, regardless of whether it is true or false, then your mind will search for evidence to support those beliefs.
If you don't know exactly what they're doing, it can make you suspicion, causing your mind to fill in the blanks.
This may cause you to constantly monitor your partner and question what they're doing, what you think is wrong or what they're up to.
But remember you're not a mind reader so be careful not to read into something that is not accurate or even true because the human mind is very good at making things up.
This may lead you to constantly question and probe your partner and to seek reassurance that they still love you or everything is fine.
Emotional Neediness And Being Addicted To Love
When you become too insecure in your relationships it can indicate that you have become addicted to love where you may have reached a point of coming across as too needy, clingy and desperate which can be very unattractive to your partner.
Love is a very powerful emotion and it becomes even more powerful at times when you have become separate from a loved one or you think you're about to lose the love of your life.
This can drive you to desperate measures and irrational thinking patterns, actions and
Some of the reasons that can make you become addicted to love is because somewhere along the way you may feel some of your emotional needs were not properly met or you do not like or love yourself as much as you should.
This can cause you to seek constant reassurance and security from your partner because it is the only way you have to balance and stabilize their emotions.
- Not wanted
- Not lovable
- Not worthy enough
- Not deserving of love
- Not good enough
- Not attract enough
- A bad person
- I don't like myself
Channel Your Love In Other Ways
You cannot always rely and depend on your partner to give you the full undivided attention and emotional security that you seek.
The reason being is, they are far
Love is a very powerful emotion to a point where the need to feel loved and wanted can start to disrupt your whole life where you might reach a point where you get to the stage where
Maybe you have been hurt in the past or maybe you have lost someone you love and
Your desire to be
To make matters
Before you can have a happy and secure relationship you need to have a good relationship with yourself first and if you're a person who craves to be loved then you should first start to channel some of your love in other directions including on yourself.
Turn your inner passion, love and creativity into pursuing your true purpose, many famous writers, artists and musicians use their inner feelings to drive them to success and do more things of the things you love.
You will often find that when you come to terms with your own insecurities and you be yourself and you put more attention into loving yourself and feeling good without having any external conditions attached then your life will start to improve.
Because when your relationship with yourself improves your relationship with your partner or the opposite sex will improve as well.
And although your goal is to have a loving and
Give Up The Need To Try To Control Everything
Your relationship insecurity can cause you to try to control your partner making you come across as bossy and to
When people are insecure and because of its links to anxiety, it can cause you to want to have a feeling of certainty that everything will always be OK.
But unfortunately the need for certainty can lead to more worry, stress and tension and even anger which can cause even more problems in your relationship.
You have to accept that you cannot have everything on your terms and the more you try and control your partner and your outside situations the worst you tend to make things.
It is far better to learn how to control your internal world and dialogue because when you master how to control your thoughts and emotions, then you will find that you will begin to calm down which will have a positive impact on your relationship.
Sometimes the insecure person will issue about their looks and their bodies and because they are insecure about their looks they will constantly look to their partners to seek approval and validate how good they look.
Even when their partner tells them that they look great, the insecure partner will not accept the nice comments.
They will often instantly dismiss or contradict the compliments by saying things like, no I don't, I look fat or I look ugly, this does not suit me.
It can be very frustrating and annoying for your partner, especially when their compliments are genuine and sincere, so accept all the nice things they say to you.
Yet if you are happy with yourself and happy in your own skin you won't need or seek out reassurance all the time with your partner.
The key is, accept what you cannot change and improve on the things you can.
If you keep putting yourself down and being harsh on
So isn't it time you started being nice to yourself and when you love and accept yourself
Remember the thoughts you have about yourself and your relationships will determine your actions and decisions that can determine the future outcome of your relationship and your life.
Trust Your Intuition, Not Your Imagination
The trouble is, our mind hates the not knowing, so when we feel a bit insecure or unsure about something then our mind and our imagination will try and second guess and fill in the blanks for us.
The only trouble with our imagination is, it is not very accurate or reliable, most of the time it blows things out of proportion and it makes things up based on the information it is fed or the data it has collected from your previous experiences.
When we believe something is not right, regardless of whether we're right or wrong, or if we believe what we think or suspect is true.
Then our mind will search for evidence to back up our claims and suspicions, things that conform to our beliefs. Our imagination will use this information as feedback and then it will just make things up by creating negative stories in our mind.
The things to remember is, do not always trust or follow your imagination, otherwise it will endlessly torment you and cause you grief and stress.
Try to listen to and follow your intuition rather than your imagination. If you find your imagination is starting to create a story in your head to match your uncertainty over a situation regarding your partner, then just pause for a minute or two, and say to yourself.
What am I creating here, what evidence or grounds in reality do I actually have to back up these beliefs and idea's.
Then, instead of winding yourself up, take a break, go and relax and then reassess the situation or try and look at it from a more objective perspective or a different possibility or let it go. If you're still concerned, when you have calmed down, have a talk with your partner.
Don't allow your own relationship insecurity and doubts from robbing you of a perfectly good and healthy relationship.
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