Building Your Children's Self Esteem

Although your child may appear perfectly alright on the outside, on the inside things may be so much different, because if you dig deep into their internal world you may find out that they may have a low regard for themselves which has lead to low self esteem and feelings of insecurity. 

They might be struggling to deal with life's daily challenges while their young minds and emotions may be all over the place tormenting them and causing them endless worry and they don't even have a clue what to do about it. 

If these issues are not addressed, then they can go on to suffer with anxiety, depression and a lack of self confidence.

It is every parent's duty to make sure their children have the best possible start in life, a good place to start is to help them build their self esteem so they can go on to live a happy and fulfilling life. 

Children's self esteem is how they regard and value themselves in relationship with their school environment and their society, their accomplishments and their relationships with their family, friends and peers.

Their self esteem can have a big impact on their personal character as well as influencing how well they perform and interact in their social life and their career.

Children's self esteem will determine their self image of themselves, this will affect how happy, confident and successful they are which are without doubt the three most important aspects in every bodies lives. 

Get it right with your children and they will have a joyful and rewarding successful life, if they take the route of low self esteem and they under value themselves then they run the risk of a life of struggle, pain and underachieving.

The difference between children with a healthy level of self esteem and those with low levels of self esteem are. 

The ones with a higher level of self esteem will have a higher regard for themselves and they will value who they are whilst the ones with low levels of self esteem will perceive themselves as little value and develop sense of low self worth and they will have little faith and belief in themselves.

Young Children Are Very Easily Influenced

Young children are very susceptible and easily influenced, they tend to believe what others say about them must be true, the wrong negative suggestions and heavy criticism can lead to lasting damage. 

Our self image of ourselves has a massive impact on our lives, our personalities and what we achieve and become. 

When we are very young our self image is formed by our parents and others around us, at this young and impressionable age, we absorb and believe all those nasty comments that people say about us. 

The same applies if the child's parents or elders talk to others in front of their children about them in a non productive way, telling people your child is shy or quiet can mold a child into believing their are timid, because children take on board and buy into what they hear said about themselves. 

Sometimes the child's parents and their peers start the idea that the child is shy, unloved, useless or worthless and as children take these negative comments on board they then live their lives governed by the rules laid by others. 

But it's not just the critical or nasty suggestions, even if you make a general harsh statement or negative comment in a joking format it can still affect your children. 

Once a child accepts and believes the criticism or nasty remark they start to add their own bits to it, if you tell your child they're stupid or no good then they will start to believe that what others are saying about them is true.

When a child has reacted badly to a negative experience or hurtful comment, it can lead them to believe they are unloved or it can lead them to fear the bad experience. 

The same applies if they hear they have a body or looks imperfections or that they don't belong or fit in. The last thing you children need to believe is they are not worthy or flawed in some way.

This can lead them to search for evidence to reinforce and back up the comments to see if it they are true, and unfortunately it does not take them long to find more examples which they can link to and match the idea that they unloved or they have a flaw or weakness. 

This can play on their mind and they can then make up other negative suggestions about themselves to try and justify the original remark. The more they re-enforce these negative self statements the more they accept and believe them.

Praise And Encourage Your Children

It is so important that you give your child plenty of positive praise and you need to tell them from an early age that they are confident, worthwhile, valued and clever. 

When children learn to respect themselves than others will respect them back, when they have a good level of self esteem then they will be more able to handle and deal with the challenges that life will throw at them. 

It will also give them the courage to do the right thing even when others are tempting them to do what is wrong, this will prevent them just following the crowd just to fit in, they will become leaders instead of followers.

Show children where they are going wrong, if they make a genuine mistake do not curse or criticize them because young children will buy into everything you tell them. 

If you keep doing that then they will get into the habit of cursing and being hard on themselves for making a mistake, this will lead to a negative self image of themselves. It is fine to correct them and guide them, but be careful what you say to them or about them.

A poor self image can give a young child, a major disadvantage in life, it can keep them feeling small and under confident, leading to a life of negative emotions, underachieving and undervaluing themselves. 

Once a child's self image is set they accept who they are and their negative self image side of them and unless they get help to change it or they deliberately do something about later in their life's they become resigned to this negative self image as being who they are, to make matters worst they can wrongly believe there is nothing they can do about it.

Things That Can Lower A Child's Self Esteem 

  1. Parents arguing a lot or getting divorced or separated, ideally children need to be brought up in a stable and loving family environment, sometimes when the parents separate it can affect the child, in some cases the child might even blame themselves. If you do separate explain to the children that it is not their fault and they will still be loved and supported by both parents. 
  2. If the young child is shown up, shamed or laughed at for the wrong reasons or they are made to feel shamed and embarrassed in front of others, then it can lead to a negative experience that can cause them to develop a fear of that situation. 
  3. If a child is overweight or has a slight physical imperfection then if they are exposed later in life especially as we are being constantly bombarded by the need to look good or if they are teased a lot or called names then this can lead them to form a negative self image of themselves. 
  4. When a child feels that they are constantly being criticised or if their parents are showing favouritism to another brother or sister or maybe they feel they have been neglected, rejected or unloved then this can too have a negative impact on their self esteem and self image.
  5. Not being taught anything about the importance of their thoughts and emotions, not being given any help to boost their confidence, not being taught how to deal with worry and anxiety.

Young Children Are Totally Dependant On Their Parents To Boost Their Self Esteem

Children need as much help and support as possible. When they think good about themselves on the inside it will reflect back out on the outside in many positive ways.

How to Raise Happy, Healthy, Self-Confident Children! is one of the most overlooked parts of a child's development. Although your first priority should be to keep them safe, on the same token, we can overprotect them, children also need to learn how to stand on their own two feet to a certain degree

Sometimes when children do wrong, we shout and verbally, attack them and although they must be taught what is right and wrong, you have to also be careful not to emotionally damage them.

When they do good or they try to do good things they should be rewarded with lots of praise, when they do wrong, they should be corrected and even stop them from their privileges for a while, but be careful not to degrade or shame them. 

There are plenty of ways to control your kids without physically or verbally disciplining them. It is important for your children to grow up not being terrified of making a mistake or getting things wrong.

Children need to be taught to always try and feel happy about themselves, they need teaching how to deal with their negative thoughts and emotions. 

Approach your children and tell them that everybody has problems that they have to deal with throughout their lives.

 Explain to them that whenever they have a problem they must first learn to accept it otherwise they will become emotionally involved in the issue, this will cause them to feel bad and they will play the problem over and over again in their minds.

If they have something bothering them, learn them to talk to somebody about it or get help, encourage them to look for and focus on finding a solution rather than keep thinking or worrying about the problem. 

They should also be made to be aware that when they do have these negative or unwanted thoughts in their head that they should never try and stop them, because when they do that they will have more of them and this will result in them feeling even worst. 

Negative thoughts can help them to stop making mistakes, however, if they bow down to every challenging situation, then they will not grow in confidence and courage, they will learn nothing by giving into their feelings. 

Tell your children that if the thoughts are serving them no worthwhile purpose, then the best thing they can do is to just ignore them, by not responding to the thoughts they will quickly put a space between the initial stimulus and the emotional arousal. 

This will help them to control how they respond and it will also teach them to let the emotion quickly pass by

Children need to know that they will experience some degree of unpleasant feelings and they should not be alarmed or overly concerned about them, tell them that sometimes we have bad feelings to help to keep us safe, they have to realize to be able to distinguish between what is a genuine threat and what is not. 

Once they can do this, they will know that the feelings are not appropriate and they can simply take no notice whatsoever. 

Explain to them that anxiety is designed for them to take action, but if the worry is none threatening then they don't need to do anything. 

Because like their thoughts they cannot fight or stop their feelings, if you try and stop them, they will only become more intense and they will then go on to develop a fear of the fearful sensations. 

The best thing they can do is observe them and ignore them and they will soon go away. The more you can get them to feel good about themselves and think nice thoughts pleasing thoughts the less trouble they will have with negative emotions. 

Also tell them if they thing bad about themselves, they will feel bad, get them to look forward to challenges instead of dreading them, they need to use the words I can more often and ditch the I cant's.

Their level of self esteem can be the difference between them just coping their way through life where they often feel bad about themselves or positively expressing themselves where they make most of their creativity. 

They should be encouraged to set and achieve their goals so they can excel in many area's of their life, what is important for them to be made aware of is of how crucial it is for them to feel happy before they even attempt a goal because to be successful they must feel relaxed and good. 

Encourage Your Children To Set Goals

Goals should be enjoyable for them, but by no means should their happiness be tied to what they do or don't achieve. 

They must realize that they will perform better at everything they attempt or do if they already feel good, relaxed and happy first, instruct them that good things happen to people who are happy. 

A poor self-image can deprive children of achieving their goals and even prevent them from attempting them, low self esteem can lead to feelings of insecurity, inferior and inadequate, which can lead them into seeing the world as a scary place where to go on to living a life of worry and fear. 

A child's self esteem has to be developed, it is not a thing you're born with, their self esteem is acquired and set at a very early age, so the sooner you install a positive self worth and image the better. 

Giving your child a lot of hugs and love along with plenty of positive encouragement and letting them know how precious and valued they are will boost their self esteem and value of themselves.

Find time to talk to your children about making mistakes and getting things wrong. Tell your children that know one is perfect and everybody makes mistakes, the important thing is not to beat themselves up at times when things don't go so well for them, learn them to shrug it off and let the matter go.

The time to give them a bit of support and encouragement is when things go wrong for them. It is their experiences and how they handle setbacks and challenging situations that will gauge their levels of self esteem as they journey their way through life.

It is important to let them know that it is far better to have a go and get thing's wrong, rather than not try at all. Let them know that they can do anything  they put their mind too, the more they do thing's the better they will become at them. 

Praise them up for any achievement no matter how small it may be, never criticize them for making a mistake. 

They need to know that mistakes are a part of life and that they should not be hard on themselves. Get them into the habit of learning something about the mistakes they make as this will make them grow. Children need to be made aware of how important it is for them to use positive self talk.

Symptoms Of Low Self-Esteem And How To Spot The Signs Straight Away

Although you're on the outside everything may appear fine, on the inside your child may be struggling to deal with their thoughts and emotions and unless they are taught about their thoughts and feelings then they will carry on living their life by chance or default.

Children need teaching, they need to know that bad feelings are a result of what they are thinking about or what they are telling themselves. 

Let them know the only way to feel better is to change what they're thinking about.

Instruct them that they don't have to accept the thoughts that come along and they have the power to dismiss anything that makes them feel bad and they should only focus on things that do not generate bad feelings.


Children who suffer with low self-esteem often show signs of insecurity, they may be clingy to their parents, and they might feel the need to be protected all the time, and they often feel unloved


Being introvert and shy can also an indication that the child can be experiencing low self-esteem, they may isolate themselves and come across as quiet and shy, and although shyness to a certain degree in young children is quite common, be aware of overly shy children

Fear and Anxious  

Children may be cautious and wary to do, try new things, they can be scared of failing and may try and put off or avoid doing new things, they may have suffered with separation anxiety from their parents, they can become easily frustrated by setbacks


Children with low self-esteem may be worriers or use negative phrase, they may say things like "I can't do this" or "I am no good at " or "nothing goes right for me" where they tend to focus more on safety and ignoring the positive and perceiving things through the eyes of the worst case scenario. Teach them to use their imagination to see things going well and right, so theychange their negative memories and feelings.

Low confidence 

Children with low self-esteem may lack confidence, they have little faith in their own abilities, they can be easily influenced by others, the media, magazines and advertisements. They can react badly to negative comments, especially with all the latest technology such as texting and social media sites, they become vulnerable and they might be susceptible to bullying.

Young children who have a low self-esteem may seem shy and isolated, they may find it hard to interact with other children, and low self-esteem in children can cause them to avoid asking questions especially in class and to their parents.

They may shy away from taking part in activities or interacting and socializing, when they are too shy or afraid to ask questions to things they are unsure about they can grow up living with the wrong information which can cause all sorts of worries and confusion.

Children need to clear up any doubts they may have, they need to be encouraged to ask questions and they need to be taught the importance of self-belief, because low self-esteem in children will lead to all sorts of personal and social difficulties later on. Children with low self-esteem may find it hard to talk to their teachers and grown ups.

In order to build children's self-esteem it is important to earn them about the importance of positive self-talk, and the equally damaging effect of their negative self-talk which can result in increasing worrying and anxieties. To build your kids self-esteem then need to be encouraged to like and accept themselves for who they are.

They also need to learn that worrying will make them feel bad, teach them how to problem solve and make them realize that they can challenge their thoughts and idea's, rather than just accepting them. 

Tell your children that they are just thoughts and they don't have to take any notice of their thoughts. Children need teaching about how negative thoughts will make them feel unhappy. 

Let them know how too much negative thinking and negative self-talk will result in unpleasant feelings. 

They should be taught how to think positive. Let your child know when they think positive they will feel good, be happy, more successful and achieve more. 

Encourage them to look forward to trying new things, and when they try something new gets them to see it as a challenge. A little bit of self esteem building for your children is the greatest gift any parent can give them.

 Low self-esteem in children is often result of what they tell themselves, how they view themselves and others and their ability to do things and take on new challenges. 

Why it is essential to develop kids self-esteem is because when they become strong on the inside they will become strong on the outside leaving them able to cope better with all the pressures of modern day society.


Cure Child Anxiety


 Related Articles


Finding Happiness 

Tap into your true spiritual happiness

Manage Your Anger

Learn how to deal with the root cause  of your anger

Reduce Your Stress

Start to  lower your stress levels and return back to inner peace

Positive Thinking

Enjoy the many health benefits of positive thinking 

 Meditation For Stress

Nearly all the most successful people relax for  twenty minutes a day 

Manage Anxious Thoughts

Stop fighting with your thoughts and learn how to quieten them

Overcoming Fear

Wise up to fear and learn how to tame and outsmart the beast

 Dealing With Worry

Worrying can effect your health and quality of life

Be More Successful

Tips on how to become more successful in your life

End Panic Attacks

Help to end panic attacks and general anxiety disorder

The Power Of Hypnosis

Use the power of hypnosis to tap into the software of your mind

New Years Resolutions

Out with the old and in with the new ideal and more happier you