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Building Unbreakable Self Confidence Beyond What You Thought Possible

Nearly everybody wants more self confidence and it is not surprising, because it is hard to enjoy life and be successful without it.

Having self confidence can help you in many area's of your life, from improving your dating and relationship success, your career, determining your happiness levels, your social life and living the best life you possibly can.

Many people struggle to start or participate in conversations, they worry about embarrassing themselves, not being interesting enough, fear being the center of attention or they feel uncomfortable talking to strangers.

We pick up many of of our fears and insecurities, when we are young children, a lot of us were told things like, it is not safe to talk to strangers, which creates a fear and belief, that strangers are threatening.

You may have been told that you're stupid, a waste of space or only speak when you're spoken to, and even though some of these suggestions were made in joke format, as a young child you would have bought into these limiting beliefs.

One of the reasons people lack confidence is due to their physical and mental state.

Yes, you may need to work on your social skills as well as becoming more knowledgeable, as this will make you a more interesting person, but your mental, emotional and physical state is the secret to being more self confident.

Feelings of fear, anxiety, insecurity and self doubt are the biggest confidence killers, when you're feeling calm and you're in a flow state and you're grounded in the present moment, then your confidence will flow naturally.

Therefore, the key to self confidence is all about learning how to manage and quickly change your state.

Achieving high levels of self confidence takes time and effort, so you're not going to have unbreakable self confidence overnight.

You have to treat like growing a plant, you start to sew the seeds, you nourish it and feed it all the vital ingredients and you let it grow day by day.

But before you can begin to sew the seeds of confidence, you will need to get rid of all the garbage and limiting society and self conditioning.

This should start by creating new daily positive habits, which should include, working on your mental, emotional and physical state.

People struggle with their self confidence, because they struggle with themselves, how often do you hold back or self sabotage yourself.

Self sabotage is another confidence destroyer, insecurity and fear are usually an underlying root source, behind the reason why you self sabotage.

What is happening is your mind is trying to protect you from experiencing any emotional pain, this could be because you lack faith in your own abilities to cope and handle certain things and social situations. 

Or you have previously had a negative or embarrassing experience which has become a bad emotional memory, so your mind uses fear and anxiety to try and prevent you from suffering any further emotional pain or suffering.

Feelings of fear, worry and insecurity are the opposite states of feeling confident, when you hold yourself in an emotional and physical state of fear, then your mind will switch to survival mode, which will make it virtually impossible for you to feel calm and self assured.

Your brain will quickly learn to associate certain past painful social experiences as being threatening, so it will attach your fight or flight response to these types of situations.

You may be surprised to know, that you already posses everything that you need to be self confident and self assured, and although some confidence skills need to be learned.

Many people started off in life as babies with all the tools they needed to be confident and successful, but they have bit by bit learned how to be fearful and insecure.

What is stopping, your natural free flowing confidence are, all the limiting beliefs and bad experiences that have happened to you, which are currently controlling your thought patterns, actions and behaviors and running the show.

Unless these associations, limiting belief systems and patterns are changed, your mind will trip you up and sabotage all your efforts and attempts to be more confident everytime, because it actually believes it is necessary to help you avoid emotional pain.

But as you know too well, although your mind is trying to protect you, it is making your life difficult, what you have to do is try to condition your mind that, the situations where you need more confidence are not threatening or they are not going to cause you any pain.

Just by changing your perceptions, your attitude and challenging your limiting beliefs, you can begin to build your self confidence.

Replacing fear, anxiety, worry and dread, with words like, excited, enjoy, like/love and look forward too, can begin to alleviate feelings of insecurity and fear.

You create your own beliefs, perceptions and neural associations and they shape and form who you are and what you do and become.

People try and use will power or force to be more confident, the trouble is, this is all done through the conscious mind.

If you want confidence beyond belief, then you have to change and clear out all those limiting and fear driven thoughts processes, beliefs, behaviors and neural associations.

What Is Self Confidence

The starting point for improving self confidence is self acceptance because it is impossible to be confident if you're always criticizing, comparing yourself to others, self doubting or picking faults with yourself, or if you're trying too hard to be perfect. 

This means you must unconditionally accept and like yourself for who you are, both spiritually and physically, yes, you can workout and exercise to improve your body, but you have to accept the parts of you that you cannot change as well.

What actually is confidence, and is there such a thing? Perhaps it would be better defined as the opposite state to fear, a feeling of calm even in the event of uncertainty. It is also about how you react to challenging situations and past negative experiences. 

It's a general inner state and a sense of genuinely feeling good about yourself and your life, the relationship you have with yourself and having the courage to take action despite feeling afraid, nervous or anxious.

You cannot always have the guarantee that everything will run smoothly, you cannot always control everything that happens in your surrounding environment, but you can control the way you choose to think and respond.

Self confidence is not about being loud and extrovert or trying to be like somebody else, your aim should be to grow and develop at your own speed and at a level that suits you.

Instead of thinking you need to change or try to be something you're not you would be far better off learning to feel comfortable in your own skin.    

Confidence is an emotional and physical state of being which comes from within where you're functioning automatically and intuitively without trying too hard or having to think too much about what you're doing.

It's more about feeling calm, comfortable and in control during social occasions, when you're performing, trying new things or just when you're doing your everyday job and tasks. 

Being confident doesn't mean being perfect and being the best at everything, it is not all about being successful and knowledgeable. 

It's more about how you handle uncertainty. When you keep on seeking approval, you constantly need reassurance all the time and a guarantee that everything will go perfectly or you keep trying to predict the future then you will be setting yourself up for failure.

People often want a guarantee that everything will be great before they even attempt to move forward or try something different, but sometimes you have to build your confidence by doing.

Although it is essential you learn to relax and good preparation will make it more probable that things will go well. 

Sometimes, no matter how prepared you are things don't always go to plan or you will meet unexpected challenges.

So you will still need to develop the attitude of your going to do it anyway without knowing what's going to happen. So learn how to embrace fear and uncertainty and carry on and take each situation as it comes.

Because everything in life carries a bit of uncertainty and to move forward you have to be prepared to take small risk and if what you're doing is not gong to hurt you then it's not worth worrying about. 

So if you do fall down, make a mistake or fail don't beat yourself up, just let yourself know everything is alright, your OK then dust yourself down, pick yourself up and try again.

It's all about have the courage and strength to move forward without knowing the outcome or what's to come and learning how to embrace and face your fears and do it anyway, despite how uncomfortable you feel because stepping out of your comfort zone is the way to grow.

Learn To Manage Your State 

The secret to improving your confidence is all about learning to manage your state and the main ingredients behind it are, 

  • Self belief 
  • Focus of attention 
  • Positive self talk 
  • Physiology 
  • Preparation

Learning how to breathe correctly will also help to relax you as well as changing your state. Breathing more deeply will reduce and bring down your stress and anxiety levels, whilst learning how to manage your anxious thoughts will give you the tools to quickly change your emotional state.

To be confident you just have to be able to change your state, both emotionally and physically and your state is determined by your focus of attention and by changing your physiology. 

When you know you have to do something new, challenging or you have to step out of your comfort zone it can become a well practiced habit to precondition yourself to associate the situation or event with danger making you automatically respond with fear and anxiety when you have to face the situation for real. 

Yet when we finally do the task in hand or you face the perceived challenging situation for real you will discover it was never as bad as you were imagining it to be. 

This means all the fear and nervousness is attached to the thinking about it and it would be a great benefit to cut out all the negative thinking and imagining everything going wrong.

The more you worry and imagine things going wrong the more anxious, stressed and nervous you will make yourself 

When you feel discomfort change your focus of attention, think about a time when you were happy and you really felt good and return back to that happy memory.

It would make your life a lot easier to envisage things going well and to look forward to the forthcoming event seeing things going well so you attach good feelings to the situation. 

How often do you tell yourself things like, that could be fun, that will be an enjoyable experience so I shall look forward to it and it's OK if I do feel a little bit anxious and it will soon pass.

We grow by learning from our mistakes and just because you fail or things don't go too well the first time you try them does not mean that you cannot do that specific thing. 

If things don't go well, avoid getting disappointed, just stay calm, be positive and keep practicing and learning and you will get better and better. 

Bring Yourself Back To The Present

Confidence is a feeling of being grounded in the now with the feeling of no matter what happens, you'll be OK, because all your power lies in the now, what robs you of it is when you're constantly focused on how you're feeling or how you're doing.

If you begin to feel uncomfortable, let those thoughts float on passed peacefully and put your attention onto anything that does not make you feel uncomfortable.

Learning how to let go of anything that makes you feel bad and not allowing trivial things or minor setbacks to take you away from that peaceful flow state. 

We lack self confidence when we constantly go inwards and monitor ourselves and how we're feeling or when venture out of the present moment.

Another way to knock your confidence is when you allow others or your mistakes and failures to affect how you think, respond and feel. If things have not gone well for you, try not to get frustrated or disappointed.

The funny thing is, you have to first feel confident to be confident and the single biggest thing that will take you out of the flow and calm state of being of the now is fear and negative emotions.

So to be more confident you will need to learn how to overcome your fears and manage your anxious thoughts and emotions. 

You cannot be calm and fearful at the same time, so focus all your efforts on feeling calm and relaxed but alert or assertive.

We only experience negative emotions when we give our attention to what we don't want, the only way to shift out of a negative state is to change your focus of attention to what you do want.

We all have bad experiences and bad days, so be wary that you don't spend too much time going over and over in your head about a bad situation, otherwise you may become vulnerable to destructive dependency and negative conduct. What has happened should be left in the past.

Getting rid of feelings of inferiority and inadequacy

Probably the single biggest reason why people lack self confidence, they have an inferiority complex and they generally feel inadequate is down to the not enoughs.

We live in a world which is full of seemingly perfect looking models who have extensive makeovers and who been airbrushed.

Then on top of this, most people heap social pressures on themselves where feel they have to be and come across as being and looking perfect, which can soon lead to feeling inferior.

When you think that you're not enough in any area's of your life, especially the feeling that you're not good enough or worthy enough, then this can destroy your self esteem and self confidence.

Never think that you're not good enough, or believe that there is something wrong with you, because this could not be further from the truth.

Also avoid trying to make comparisons to others or thinking that you're inferior to other people or they are somehow better than you.

How many times have you said to yourself, that you wish that you could be like somebody else you admire, maybe you think that you're not interesting enough.

What you really want, is for other people to wish, they were more like you.

Many people make all types of excuses and they talk themselves out of doing all sorts of things, this is not because they cannot do it or learn it, they cannot do it because of the belief that they think they cannot do the things they want to do or say.

When you feel that you're not good enough, there is something wrong with you or you feel inferior to someone, then this can create feelings of insecurity and lead to feelings of anxiety and depression.

When you start to compare yourself to others, it can leave you feeling ugly, you may think that you don't measure up or you are a lesser human being.

Or perhaps you mistakenly feel that you're stupid or not smart enough, what you have to say isn't worth saying or you need to be different.

Never doubt your own abilities, instead learn how to develop them and be happy and proud to be yourself.

When you think that you're not good enough or that you're inadequate, then it will create a negative self image of you, that will be projected for the world to see.

Avoid the thinking trap that you should be as good as others or that you're not as good as others as this will deny you of unleashing your true potential and being the wonderful and special, talented unlimited person that you have been hiding away from the rest of the world and yourself.

Whether or not you feel that you're good enough will depend entirely on what you believe and what you tell yourself.

You should not rely on others to tell you that you're good enough nor should you believe or accept, any suggestions that go against the real truth that, "You Are Good Enough And Deserving Enough"

All you have to do is start to drop the not, out of all the enoughs, and begin to affirm repeatedly what self help expert Marisa Peers, tells her clients.

" I am enough, I always have been and I always will be"

Let you know, each day, and many times that, you are good enough, you are worthy enough, you are confident enough, you are powerful enough, you are worthy enough and so on.

Thinking that you're not good enough or worthy enough is a limiting belief, not a fact If you hold any negative beliefs about you, no longer accept them or believe them and then change them.

You have not got to fall into the trap that you need to keep on improving, as that suggest a negative belief that you're not good enough, you can still be the best version of you, but the reality, is you were born good enough, worthy enough and deserving enough.



Believe In Yourself

The foundation and building blocks of self confidence begins with believing in yourself with the awareness that you're equal to everybody else, so therefore you must begin to value and appreciate yourself. 

You have the inner potential to, have, be and do what you want and you're already well capable enough to achieve anything you put your mind too. 

People think that confident people do not feel comfortable, but this is not true, the only difference is, they do not run away or try to avoid situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

Confident people know that they have to face uncomfortable situations to grow and better their social skills, they also do not shy away from taking on new challenges.

To learn any skill, you have to start from scratch, including building your self confidence.

This is why having a strong self belief in yourself and your abilities come into play, because if you want to be more confident so you can develop and become the best version of you. 

Then you need to have a positive attitude, where you trust your ability to learn new skills and grow in confidence, to reach a point where you know that you can do it or get better in any area that you choose.

Do not be put off by making a mistake, if you observe babies and young children, let's say, for example, when they're attempting to walk or learn how to ride a bike.

They do not give up after the first failed attempt, they keep trying until they master it, then they celebrate their triumph with self praise and feelings of excitement. 

The only thing that can rob you of your true potential is self doubting yourself and your abilities and capability to learn and improve, so show some faith in your ability to master the things you want to do and become.

Improving your confidence starts with working on the inside because it begins with a feeling and certainty from within. 

Confidence, is that state where you intuitively act without constantly having to think about what you're doing, you know when you're outwardly focused and you're instinctively doing things automatically without trying too hard. 

The problem starts when you take your focus from external to internal so try to keep out of your own head and take no notice of your imagination when it's throwing up those what if scenarios.

To generate those good feelings, start to tell yourself how awesome you are, how great you are, how strong and courageous you are and how good at doing things you are, say statements starting with, I am good at, I can do that.

You do not have to try and find reasons to validate your claims because your thoughts determine how you feel and eventually how you act and behave so only think thoughts that empower you and make you feel good. 

Because what you think determines how you feel and all you looking for is those good feelings and you do not have to justify or prove anything, just keep on boosting yourself up. 

This does not mean you have to go around telling everybody and coming across as arrogant and boastful, but by saying them to yourself no one else will know and it is sure to make you feel better.

The Rewards You Will Gain For Your Efforts 

The benefits you will gain from being more confident are, you will become happier and be more socially successful, you will have more success with your relationships, but the advantages don't stop there.

You will excel more in your career, your education and you will perform better in just about thing else you attempt to do when you feel calm and comfortable. 

It will help also help you to become more popular, this will give you a distinct edge and advantage over others.

People will start to respect and look up to you as they start to admire this new, radiant and bold you, those who come across as bold and assertive do not get picked on or put upon so much.

You will start to get more lucky breaks which can result and snowball in more positive results and successes in every area of your life. 

Another big advantage is it will help you to attract the opposite sex or improve your existing relationship.

Change Your Inner Dialogue

One of the old ways that people are taught to increase their confidence is through saying affirmations, this technique will help but it will only help you if you actually believe in what you're telling yourself. 

Affirmations work best when you're feeling good, to work they have to be believable, so it may help if you say "everyday in every way I am becoming more confident". 

Affirmations also work better for people who already have a high self esteem because they are already coming from a feel good state. 

But for under confident people they rarely work because of the negative emotional state they have become stuck in. So only say your affirmations when you're in a good feeling, mood, then really milk it.

To feel and act more confident you first have to impress these new beliefs into your subconscious mind.

 By introducing the word I am becoming, rather than I already am it will become more believable and acceptable to your subconscious mind.

We are the self image of ourselves, what we believe becomes true to us and as we become what we think so it makes sense to say positive statements about yourself. Too many people put themselves down with statements like I am not very good at this or that.

Begin to change your inner dialogue because in order to become more self assured and extrovert on the outside you have to first start to change from within. Start telling yourself positive statements about yourself and replace all the I can't's to I can.

Tell yourself you're going to be bold and courageous and your fear is not going to prevent you from being the person you want. 

See yourself and visualize yourself has you want to be, rather than how you are now, be bold and adventurous because it's always better "to try and fail than it is to fail to try".

You Need Positive Feelings Of Calmness And Certainty

Confidence is a positive feeling of calmness, certainty and assurance. It is your ability to do something moderately well or even very well. 

It's a thing that can take quite a long time to build, but you can lose it very quickly, this is why it is important that you quickly bounce back when things go wrong and learn to let go of any setbacks.

Sometimes you have to go through it to come through it, this means just doing more of the things that makes you feel uncomfortable, keep pushing yourself beyond your old boundaries as this way you will continue to grow. 

You may feel as if you're not a confident person, but this is not true, because there are many things that you can already do well without you having to think about it and as confidence covers every aspect of your life then this means you already have it in some area's. 

You just haven't learned the skills you need in other parts of your life and that's all there is to it. 

When you first learned to ride a bike you weren't good at it, but you kept at it and after a while with practice you mastered it and then it happens naturally without you haven't too to even think about it. 

This principle applies in all the area's you wish to improve, repetition is the key to success, this means practicing doing all the mind work combined with taking action steps in your outer physical reality.

Some Of The Biggest Fears Are

  •  Fear of not being good enough 
  •  Fear of failure 
  •  Fear of what other people think or what they might say
  •  Fear of rejection. 
  •  Fear of public humiliation

Confidence For Stressful Events

We all have to face stressful and challenging situations and events at times, and sometimes just the mere thought of having to face a situation where we are unfamiliar with, can send a shock wave through our body and start a process of stress, anxiety and worry.

Some of the most common area's where people need more confidence are, social events or occasions, dating, job interviews, presentations, at work or doing their profession. 

What normally tends to happen is, you learn that you have to face a challenging situation or you have got to attend a social event that you feel you might struggle to cope or handle.

This causes worry, fear and anxiety. You then try not to think about the upcoming event, because it is making you feel nervous and anxious.

But the more you try, not to think about it, the more you will think about, and as the strong emotion starts grow, it will pull you inwards and force you to focus on the event, causing you to add even more negative emotion and stress to the forthcoming event.

Before long, you can start to create a traumatic negative experience, in your mind before the event has even happened, through your imagination. This means, most of the fear exists in your mind.

This will not only cause you endless stress and anxiety, leading up to the event, but you will also be conditioning yourself to react with fear, when you have to face the situation for real.

So you will have two problems that you'll need to deal with

  1. The thoughts you're having about the event 
  2. The actual situation for real

 When you're worried and anxious about certain situations, this implies that you have conditioned yourself to associate those kind of situations with fear and danger.

But you can learn to change these negative learned behaviours and associations.

The self confidence trainer, to the left, will supply you with all the techniques that the highly confident people use.

This includes a hypnosis session that you can use to change the way that you respond in stressful situations and events. 

Plus many more proven techniques and exercise that will help you to build your confidence.

 

Self Confidence Trainer CD
Self Confidence Trainer
(Double CD)

The Self Confidence Trainer leads you step-by-step towards greater confidence and self esteem.

Everybody can feel a little nervous or fearful when they take on a new challenge the only difference between the successful and those who are not is, the successful don't let fear hold them back. 

Once you successfully manage to change the blueprint in your mind, and hypnosis is probably still by far the best way to achieve this, then you will no longer associate fear to the situation, which should stop all the worry and stress, and this will leave you feeling calmer when the time comes for real.

They will still do what they want to do, despite how they feel and they accept that there will be times when they feel a bit uncomfortable, but they still go ahead and do it, despite the fear.

If you allow yourself to feel a bit uncomfortable at times, and you let you know, it's OK to feel a bit anxious, then you just allow the feelings to travel up through you and away, whilst you put your focus on the task at hand, then you will have less trouble with fear. 

Because sometimes, you have to do more of the things that make you feel afraid, to grow in confidence.

Self-doubt can also play a big role in reducing your chances of performing well, so you need to work on overcoming your self-doubt which is when you have those feelings of uncertainty in your ability to attempt or accomplish a task or situation. 

Everything Is Just A Perception 

But remember those uncertainties are only perceptions and perceptions can be changed, you also need to take action in order to grow and move forward. 

You need to do all the mind preparation work which is necessary, but you still have to do the action bit as well. 

Each day push yourself a little and take small risks and do some of the things you would normally shy away from, just take a few deep breaths, relax your shoulders, observe the fear but, allow it to carry on and do what you want to regardless how uncomfortable you feel. 

To grow, you have to step out of your comfort zone, if you stay in the confines of your comfort zone you will not improve. 

Use words like, I can handle that, tell yourself it's not going to kill me so I will do it. After congratulating yourself for being brave and it does not matter how bad things go because you will grow from doing.

The best way to prepare yourself is to mentally rehearse the situation, going as you want it. See yourself how you want to be and imagine every working out as you want it to go. 

Visualize and imagine yourself feeling calm and composed in those situations where you need more confidence. 

See yourself speaking clearly in the tone of voice you would like to have, focus on how relaxed your body feels and how your breathing is deep and calm. See yourself walking, sitting and standing confidently. 

After each negative experience you have, find somewhere quiet, then return to that situation, but this time imagine everything going well and imagine yourself back in that situation feeling how you want to feel. This way your mind will be given a new blueprint to how you wish to handle and feel in that situation.

Let Go Off And Release The Negative Past 

The way you think about yourself in conjunction with the challenges you have to face or the goals you set yourself can have a big impact on your personal levels of success you achieve and the results you get.

Learn to forgive yourself for any mistake you have made, learn to forgive others and let go of any past bad experiences. 

All successful people make mistakes, they all have failures, but what the successful do is they quickly pick themselves up and they learn something from their errors and setbacks so they move forwards and grow. 

Under confident people do the exact opposite, they dwell in their past mistakes and bad experiences and they allow the things that went wrong or how badly they handled a situation to keep them stuck in the past which prevents themselves from growing and developing, leaving them feeling small and limited in a world of limitless possibilities. 

They end up worrying about and fearing making the same mistakes over and over again, which breeds feelings of insecurity and insecurity leads to fear and staying stuck in your comfort zone.

Before you attempt a new challenge, try and relax yourself first, it's important you feel comfortable so make sure your body is nice a loose and relaxed. Confidence is all about feel at ease.

Meditation is a great way to relax your body and mind, get into the habit of doing some slow rhythmic breathing before you have to face a challenging or stressful situation.

 Make sure the out breath is longer than the in breath, like in for the count of 5, hold for a few seconds then out for the count of 7.

To feel good you need plenty of rest, relaxation and an adequate amount of sleep, moderate exercising will also help you. Looking after your body because it is essential if you want to feel good.

Body posture and physiology 

Self confidence is not all about the mind, your body and your physiology will also play a huge part in how confident you are.

You can boost your self confidence by changing your physical state or changing your physiology.

If you find that your confidence is dipping, speak up louder, and talk slower and clearer, go into a power pose for a few minutes, breathe deeply and smile.

At one time people used to think that the mind and body were two separate things, but these days, we now know that the mind and mind are one whole and they both can affect each other.

If your body is out of balance, you are deficient in some of the vital vitamins and minerals, or you are suffering from inflammation in the mind and body, then all these can have a negative impact on your mental and emotional well-being.

Your mind and body is a complex and interconnecting network of patterns, associations, systems, organisms, muscles and mechanism working together as parts of a complex whole.

When everything is functioning efficiently and working together in good harmony, balance and coordination, then you will feel relaxed and more at ease, and these are the times when, you will be at your most confident.

When one of your systems is out of sync or balance, then it will have a knock on effect on all the other systems in your body, and you will feel less confident.

Things that can throw your body out of sync, are 

  • Stress 
  • Anxiety 
  • Worry
  • Food sensitivity 
  • Nutrient deficiency  
  • Bad memories 
  • Focus of attention 
  • Tense and stiff postures 
  • Slouching and body being out of balance and alignment

Your body posture will say a lot about how you feel about yourself and how confident you come across. 

When our body posture changes our energy and thought processes can change with it.

Although you should avoid slumping and slouching, many people have been told to stand or sit up straight, as this will make them feel more confident.

Personally, I would never advise anybody to stand or sit up straight, as this can cause people to pull themselves up into stiff and tense postures, which will actually make you feel less confident.

You should avoid trying to pull or hold yourself up, as that will cause muscle stiffness, and to feel confident you want to sit and stand at your natural height with the least amount of tension.

If you are having trouble with your posture, then I would recommend that you visit Brett Hershey who is a Qualified Alexander Teacher, because if you mess about with your posture, without knowing what you're doing, then you can make things a lot worse.



Eating a good healthy and balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables (especially the green leafy variety) omega three oils and essential nutrients, especially magnesium, which is a great for reducing, stress, anxiety and tension, can improve your mood, give you more energy and make you feel better.

Getting enough good quality sleep and plenty of relaxation, will help make you feel more confident, as can exercise.

Changing your physiology can change your state and your thought process, if you feel a bit underconfident, put on a big smile, ease and relax your muscles, and take some slow and deep powerful breaths.

Your power is in your posture

They say your power is in your postures, and if you want to be more confident and feel more charismatic, then you need to stand with poise and balance, without slumping or stiffening.

This does not mean that you should sit and stand with your upper body stiff and tense though.

As we have already mentioned, tension and muscle stiffness do not make a very good companion of self confidence.

When you stiffen your neck, it causes the tightening of the muscles around the neck, upper back and head.

Often you will see people who hold their head off balance, where they pull the back of the head down, lift up the face and chin and allow their head to protrude forwards, causing collapse of the spine and the rounding of the back.

This type of posture is linked to your fight or flight reflex pattern and it will keep you stuck in a state of anxiety and insecurity. 

Stiffness in the body, especially in the neck, can make it hard for you to talk fluently and clearly.

To get out of this posture you need to gently release the head off the top of the spine as demonstrated in the video below.

Ideally, your neck should be free and your head should slightly tilt forwards by a few mill-meters off the top of the spine, so the head goes forwards and up, this however should be natural and not physically forced, avoid dropping your head forwards or bending your head from neck.

When you drop your head forwards or pull the back of your head down, then it will cause the collapse of your spine and it will put a lot of unnecessary tension in your neck, head and back.

The Alexander Technique uses thinking directions, not physical effort, the one is, to instruct your neck to be free and then the head to go forwards and up.



Many people stand out of alignment and balance, where they either have their hips pushed too far forwards or too far back.

This can cause your body to go into a type of zig zag shaped or S posture, which will soon leave you feeling uncomfortable and not very confident.

If you find that your hips are pushed too far forwards then you can gently release your head forwards so the weight of your hips and the top of your legs come back a touch, your weight comes more over your heels and your body comes upright. (See video below)

Ideally, your weight should be evenly distributed, so your head sits freely on top of your spine and your body sits on top of your hips so your hips are underneath your body and over your ankles, avoid locking the knees.

You can tell if your hips are positioned in the correct place, by lifting up your toes. 

When you're standing, if your hips are either too far back or too far forwards, then you will struggle to lift up your toes, when your hips are resting in their natural position, then you will easily be able to lift up your toes and the front of your feet.



Take Daily Positive Action Steps

So instead of focusing entirely on the end result of being extremely confident, take it step by step and with daily positive action and you will in time reach your desired results. 

So instead of jumping in at the deep end and trying to be the life and soul of the party, or being super extrovert and cool with the opposite sex, just try and make gradual improvements, be yourself and don't try and fake it. 

When you try to impress people or be something you're not, then you will spend all your time worrying what others think or you will constantly try to obtain perfection.

Join in with the fun and conversation a bit more, smile at strangers or the opposite sex and say hello, then start to have a quick conversation, be a bit more outgoing and daring each day. Start off with whatever you feel comfortable with and slowly keep pushing your limits and emotional barriers higher. 

By doing it this way it won't feel so daunting and you won't be putting added pressure on yourself. With the gradually and progressively improving yourself approach you will keep feeling better and better about yourself and your progress. 

It's not just about the mind work, you also need to take action steps, take on new challenges, attempt new things and join in social more activities. 

Do the things that scare you the most, each day do something where normally fear or doubt would have held you back.

To become more self confident you have to change and raise your emotional benchmark, it's not just about acting more confident it's also about feeling as if you're already bold and extrovert. 

To achieve this you must change your emotional state in those situations you wish to be more outgoing and relaxed.

Preparation Is The Key

Self hypnosis is still the best way to prepare yourself to act and feel confident in all those difficult and stressful social situations, you can experience the stressful event in your imagination in a calm and relaxed manner before it happens. Doing this will greatly benefit you in real life situations.

Why people suffer with low self worth is down to the way they think, perceive and how they talk about themselves. 

Most people have gotten into the habit of constantly self doubting and underselling themselves, there are no limits to what you can achieve.

A few thoughts of self doubt will cause little harm. But when you consistently knock yourself and self doubt it will become a habit which will become part of your actions behaviours and how you feel. 

The way to reverse this is to change the way you talk to yourself or what you say to others about, start to use encouraging and positive self talk and language. 

Visualize yourself as you want to be, see yourself looking and acting confident, see a calm, comfortable and more poised looking radiant you, picture in your mind a more confident and energetic you, notice in detail how confident you're behaving and how great you're coming across. 

Quick Tips To Help You

  1.  Avoid talking yourself out of trying new things
  2.  Always give yourself credit for everything good you achieve
  3.  You need to have positive and clear goals to focus on and have  plenty of hobbies and interests
  4.  Use your creativity and imagination positively
  5.  Force yourself to think positively choose the way you want to think,  don't just think on autopilot
  6.  Have a positive outlook on life and create your own future don't rely  on luck and chance
  7.  Replace negative self-talk to positive self-talk
  8.  Challenge negative thoughts and change negative beliefs
  9.  Focus on what you want instead of what you don't want
  10.  Look after yourself and keep yourself fit and healthy

Enroll yourself in an acting class because that will help you to improve all aspects of your social confidence or engage in more community activities, although you want to improve and become the best possible version of yourself avoid the pitfall of trying to be too perfect. 

Stop caring about what others think about you, be aware that our minds are very good at tricking us into believing we are not capable of doing what we truly are capable of achieving, don't allow your negative ego to limit your progress. 

Do not let your mind or your feelings trick you into a false sense of insecurity, your mind can be your best friend it can also destroy you. 

Do not allow that inner you, to become the dominant voice, overpower all negative and critical self talk. Also do what you believe to be right even if others try and knock you or put you off.

If you want to feel more assertive than you can try adopting a quick power pose for several minutes. 

Open up your body for a couple of minutes, if you're facing a social situation where you feel a bit threatened or uncomfortable, then changing your physiology can help you to shift into a more positive state. 

This has been proven to help raise your testosterone levels which can make you feel more assertive, which will help you deal with stressful situations better whilst at the same time making you more fearless and bold.

If you're sitting down, then lean back and put your hands behind your head to act more confidently, if your standing up you can make sure your feet are firmly on the floor, stick your chest out slightly for several minutes but no more you will start to stiffen up, and place your hands on your hips. 

Watch The Video Below Demonstrating Power Poses



Take Care Of Your Physical Appearance

Take care of your physical appearance, have a new haircut, buy some new cloths, bright and bold colours can make you feel more confident, red is one particular colour that can make feel more confident. 

Go to the gym and improve your body, plus the exercise can give you a feel good, boost, so take good care of yourself, if you respect and appreciate yourself others will respect you back. 

If you want to improve your speaking, especially if you have to speak in front of a group, practice in front of the mirror, this is what some of the best and most powerful influential speaker do. 

To instantly increase your self-esteem and performance levels, adopt a confident but poised body stance. 

If you are sitting down and you feel a bit flat, lean back for a minute or two, interlock your hands behind your head whilst holding your head level. 

Be Heard, And Speak Up

One of the worst suggestions we were told when we were young, is little children should be seen but not heard. 

When you're socializing speak up, if you're struggling to speak do not go introverted, turn up the volume of your voice and talk louder and more clearly. 

Don't be afraid to get your point heard, contribute more to the topic of conversation, do not worry what others think or if they are judging you. 

Try not to monitor how you're feeling, avoid focusing on your flaws and weak points and focus more on what other people are saying rather than focusing on how you're doing and feeling. 

When you walk hold your head up and don't slouch or walk sluggish, it is believed that it is best to walk brisk or fast, but never use any force to hold yourself up.

Act confident and try and maintain eye contact with the people your talking to, smile when you're entering a social situation and smile when you're talking to others. Be more agreeable with people, by doing this your make them feel good and you're getting on better with others. 

Be grateful for who you are and what you have got, focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Learn to accept and more importantly, start to like yourself, ditch the victim and limiting mentality. This includes accepting any flaws and faults you believe you might have. 

Be polite and thank people for anything they do for you. Praise yourself and give praise to others, when you feel confident and good about yourself on the inside you will appear confident on the outside.

 

 



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