Posted by Steven 18-01-17

Stop The Self Sabotage

Are you getting in the way of your own happiness, do you self sabotage, are you your own worse enemy and is your self sabotaging blocking your route to success and happiness.

Self sabotaging is the enemy within, it will get in your way of being the best version of you, and it can rob you of your true inner greatness and talents.

We are looking to make positive change in our life, whether that be 

  • Personal development
  • Changing a bad situation, 
  • Changing a bad habit, 
  • A change in our career, 
  • Starting our own business, or a
  • Change in direction 
Resistance is the fuel of self sabotage, everytime that you doubt yourself or feel as if you're not good enough, the resistance will always follow.

This happens everytime that you're challenged or if a new opportunity arises or a dream is born within you.

Resistance also arises when you attempt to step out of your comfort zone or you think that you have to do something that you do not yet feel comfortable about.

Resistance, which is a close ally to feat awakens from deep within you at the least and most inappropriate times when you really need to feel calm, positive and confident. 

With the feelings of discomfort along also comes the self sabotaging thoughts like, you're not good enough or you're not capable or deserving enough, or maybe that negative self talk will tell you you can't or it is not you.

That negative self, will also say things like,  there's no point in trying or it is time to give up or it isn't going to happen and you might as well settle for the life that you've already got.

It tells you to give up, and settle for your life.

You may ask yourself why does your mind constantly try to self sabotage all your efforts and you may have already reached the point where you think, what is the point in trying.

The Resistance is your own mind.

When you're self sabotaging, your mind is trying to protect you, this is how the brain has learned to survive by trying to move you away from pain and keep you safe,

The resistance is, in fact, your own brain trying to protect you and keep you away from pain.

What you have to do when you find yourself self sabotaging, is to try and find out what pain it is that your brain is trying to help you avoid.

Then you have to change the connection of pain to calm and positive reasons, you can begin to do this by, tagging enjoyment and feelings of calm to the situations that are causing you pain.

You need to get those positive emotions flowing, look forward to the things that you fear, see things going well, see yourself enjoying what you dread and focus on how great you feel.

Another thing you can do is to change your inner self talk and perceptions and give yourself plenty of encouragement and safety messages like, everything will work out OK.

Be OK with feeling uncomfortable, even the most confident of people feel uncomfortable at times, but they do not allow it to stop them from doing what they want to do.

Do not try to resist your thoughts and feelings, otherwise you will stir up more emotional resistance, instead just allow the negative thoughts and feelings to carry on, then acknowledge how you feel like,

"Yes, I do feel a bit fearful, how I would like to be in this/that situation is, peaceful and calm"

Change the feelings

Change is important because it allows you an opportunity to become a better version of you and it opens the door to better times, exciting new opportunities and achieving your goals.

Change is often presented to you because it gives you an opportunity for a brand new start and many new exciting and different experiences, plus it opens the door to a whole new set of wonderful life experience.

Whether you realize it or not, we are all changing all the time, sometimes for the better, but sometimes for the worse.

Therefore, if you're going to change, you might as well change for the better, because with the right kind of positive changes we can make our lives more interesting and more exciting, and hopefully more rewarding.

But if we all want change, why does it sometimes seem so difficult to accomplish?

The answer lies within our own minds and our negative experiences. 

You see, your brain does not like change, it likes things exactly the way they are, even if you don't.

The reason why it opposes change is because change can mean entering the unknown and the unknown is your brain's biggest fear.

Evolution has taught us to fear what we don't know or understand.

So as far as your sometimes over protected brain is concerned, it is better to stay in the safety of your comfort zone.

If you dare to step out of your comfort zone, the alarm bells will ring and your mind will project and expect the worst.

This was vital in the early stages of mankind to keep us safe in what was once a dangerous environment.

Fast forwards a few thousand years, we now live in a much safer world, unfortunately our fight or flight fear mechanism is still quite primitive and stuck in the past.

We cannot simply wipe out our anxiety process and our brains will carry on being over cautious because our mind thinks it is necessary to think the worst case scenario first in order to keep us safe.  

This is humans biggest flaw, but although feelings can feel very overwhelming, they cannot stop you from doing what you want and you can start to educate your mind to expand your comfort zone.

As far as your mind is concerned, It is a case of being safe than sorry, and our anxiety and self sabotage is part of our survival responses.

Unfortunately, this anxiety mechanism can go wrong to such a point it becomes a hindrance and an unwanted response that holds us back and keeps us small and stuck.

To begin to minimize your anxiety, you have to give it positive feedback. You can do this by changing your physiology on the onset of any anxiety. 

If your mind, senses what it thinks is a potential threat, then it will activate the fight or flight response, even if the threat is not real.

But you can teach yourself to break these patterns and associations by tricking your brain to switch off the fight or flight response on your command.

The way to do this is to pretend as if everything is normal by acting as you would if there was no real danger.

So anytime you notice yourself starting to feel a bit anxious, try to stay calm, relax and open up your body, take some slow, deep breaths and put on a big smile, you can even hum a happy tune to yourself.

Because when you do this, your mind will use this as feedback, that everything must be OK because your mind has also come to learn that you would not be relaxing and smiling if there was a real threat.

Once you realize that your, fear is your friend all it it is your confused mind trying to protect you.

Therefore, it is not the enemy that needs defeating, but if you give into it it will control your life and if try to defeat it it will defeat you every single time.

But if you see it as a false alarm and you think thank you but no thank you, then it will become nothing more than a fleeting inconvenience, that will quickly subside if you cease resisting it.

When we attempt to change we are met by our old friend self sabotage

Everytime we attempt to change, the self sabotage quickly emerges to try and keep things the way they currently are, even when we want to make changes.

This can leave you feeling frustrated and demoralized.

Again, this is mainly geared at protecting us and trying to keep us safe, because our brains likes what it knows and recognizes, even if it is not what we want.

The most critical stage of our lives happens in our very early years.

Because most of our programming, our character, personality and our self image happen between the ages of the moment we are born until around five years old.

Therefore, our first five years can shape and influence the rest of our lives to a large degree.

Once these programs have been set, It can be quite difficult to change. 

If you want to change your programming, you need to understand what self sabotage is so you can step in and change your enforced habits and patterns.

Because, nothing is set in stone and you have the ability to do and become anything you choose or set your mind to.

Sabotage is linked to the negative emotions such as fear, doubt and guilt. 

Maybe you have been led to believe that you're not good enough, smart enough, lovable or deserving.

You may have grown up to believe that you're a shy or an anxious person, and you have come to accept that you're not capable or deserving of good things.

The trouble is, if you have been told you're not good enough or you're shy, etc.

Then, once you have bought into these concepts about you, even though they are not true, your brain will believe them and it will act accordingly and prevent you from being the person you could be.

We are all born exactly the same, the only things that separate us is our beliefs, paradigms and our conditioning.

Basically, you have become other people's beliefs and opinions and unless you change, then this is how you will stay.

If you have been negatively conditioned, then this will continue to hold you back and block your chances of success or scupper your attempts to change.

Any time you try to step out of your comfort zone or make positive changes, then your old sabotaging ways can arise and try to spoil your chances.

Signs of self sabotaging

One of the biggest signs of self sabotaging is when you feel like you are stuck in a rut and no matter how hard you try you just cannot seem to make any progress in the positive direction that you want to go.

Negative feelings are very powerful and influential, if you feel like that you're stuck in a rut or you are not getting what you want, then you will probably be experiencing negative emotions.

Because, negative emotions can be a sign that you're not heading in the direction you want or you feel small and stuck.

If you are not doing what you want to do or you're not achieving your goals, then this can be due to a underlying fear and a lack of self belief which are two of the elements of self sabotage.

Some of the most self destructive words that are linked to self sabotage are, I can't do that, It is not me, I am not very good at.

When you want to change or do new things, your negative mind will try and come up with every excuse in the book to try and put you off or try to make you give up.

People who self sabotage easily, surrender to their negative thoughts and emotions, whilst the more successful, may still have the negative feelings but they do it anyway.

Often the ones who self sabotage, have little faith in their own abilities to grow and conquer challenges, they tend to worry a lot and they are part of the glass half empty group.

They worry too much about what others think and say, as well as worrying if they are being watched or judged.

The thing to realize is, everybody has their own personal beliefs and perceptions, this applies to you as well.

Therefore, you should form your own beliefs and opinions about you, and you should not allow the thoughts and opinions of others to rule your mind or decisions.

What you tell your mind will be accepted as being true

Your mind will believe what you repeatedly tell it, so let you know that you are good enough, deserving enough, loveable and capable enough to overcome and master anything you want.

We live our lives by our beliefs, our beliefs create our reality, you or others form your beliefs, then your beliefs make you and your life.

Another sign of self sabotage can reflect on your overall levels of inner happiness.

Although you should have goals and dreams to pursue and although it is good to want to become the best version of you.

The first step that you need to take is to begin to like yourself, you must accept who you are, because if you put yourself down or you think that you're not good enough, it will have a negative impact on you and your levels of happiness.

People spend far too much time criticizing, themselves and putting themselves down, if you do this then you need to stop it right now.

Because with the right attitude, mindset and belief, you are capable of achieving many great things.

If you're not happy, then this could be a sign that there is something wrong or you're not living the life you truly want.

Instead of addressing their problems and searching for solutions, many people try to bury and suppress their emotions or even mask them with drink. 

Another way people try to repress their emotions is, they may keep themselves busy, rather than learning how to master and process their emotions.

Some people think that by keeping busy all the time it will distract them from their inner insecurities and their perceived weaknesses or disguise their beliefs that they think that they are not worthwhile.

When you try to bury your emotions and insecurities by keeping yourself busy, then you will struggle to relax and you will always feel like you have to find something to do.

If you find yourself questioning yourself over things like, " whether you're worth it or valuable enough". 

Then this can lead to self sabotage and a lack of self respect making you doubt yourself and your abilities.

Tips to end self sabotaging

Change starts from within, so start to override any harsh negative inner chatter or negative words and self criticism. 

The only real person who can determine whether you're good enough is you, because once you have a strong inner belief that you're good enough, nobody can pierce and penetrate your inner strength.

Make it habit to use positive words of encouragement and self praise and notice how your energy shifts.

People who self sabotage are their own worst enemies, they tend to put all their attention on the worse case scenario and they overlook or ignore the positive outcomes or possibilities. 

If you look hard enough, you can find a positive in most situations, instead of focusing on the bad and then blowing it all out of proportion.

Thoughts are just thoughts which are neither true or false, until you accept them as being true.

Start to change the way you react to negative thoughts, and begin to change those limiting and negative beliefs. 

Because once you change them you will open the door for a better and a brighter future, remember, most of your beliefs are not yours, they were given to you by others.

Therefore, if they're not serving you well, then it is a time to change them, the best time to change a belief is when you're feeling happy and relaxed, such as during meditation.

You may have had many bad experiences in the past that are now holding you back, but you should not use your negative experiences to gauge how you handle and approach things now.

Our brain works with patterns and associations, many of us hang onto our old negative thought patterns and negative associations.

Any time we try to step out of our comfort zone or make some positive changes, it is usually met by a negative emotion and resistance.   

Very often, most people will give into the negative emotion and either abandon their efforts, avoid the situation or give up.

But this is not the right way to manage your emotions, neither should you attempt to suppress or bury them.

Because when you feel a negative emotion and you try to fight it or repress it, then you will never overcome it.

You should not allow your emotions to hold you back or keep you stuck

Instead, you need to first acknowledge the emotion and recognize why you're feeling it.

Once you have embraced the emotion and felt it for a short while, without reacting to it, then you can decide what you want do with it.

This can range from, just feeling the emotion and letting it pass on by or you could make plans or take positive action steps for whatever is bothering you.

Ask yourself why you're feeling the negative emotion, then do what it takes to overcome your problem or change the way you feel.

If you want to end all the self sabotage, then you need to use positive and constructive words.

Replace all the I can't, not and the never words or I don't, and use more I can, it is possible, I am capable.

Start to flip all the negative statements and replace them with a more positive statement about you and your life.

Returning back to your true peaceful and happy state of being

Step one should involve dropping all negativity and self doubt and getting the positive momentum going.

You can do this by setting some positive intentions, be clear about what you want, then once you have decided, never look back or return to your old negative ways.

Many of us have been conditioned to expect and prepare for the worst, however, that just makes you blind to all that is good.

If you find yourself using self defeating words, start to focus more on how well you're doing rather than how bad things are. 

Most people rely on physical things for their happiness, but material things will never be the true route to a consistent level of background happiness, because physical things and possessions are just illusions.

Inner peace and releasing all negative resistance so you restore your natural state of balance is the main ingredient of happiness.

Therefore, although it is good to do and have things, physical things are not the means to happiness, but happiness is the means to having a better life experience and the pick of the best material possessions.

The reality is, you need nothing to feel good except the basics like warmth, food and water and a positive mindset and a calm and balanced body.

Practice saying how great you are and well you're doing because the words you speak and the thoughts you select will shift your energy which responds to what you give your focus of attention to and not what is.

When we are born we are already tuned into the positive and creative feel good and creative energy wave.

But through the ups and downs of the roller coaster of life that positive and fun world is often replaced by a negative and stressful wave length.

Even through the bad times, however, people still have their desires and dreams.

You can soon get that positive emotion going again once you let go of the past, then you start to just relax more and allow the good times to return.

Because, the only thing that can truly stop you from achieving great things, being happy and becoming the best version of you is your old negative and self sabotaging self. 

In life people are their own worst enemy, and when you allow that puny negative part of you to call all the shots it will hold you in the victim mentality.

But you're so much bigger, stronger and way more powerful than that cowardly and insecure inner voice and critic. 

You can, you know, smash and override that negative self, when you authorize your right to become the dominant voice.

Because, you are the captain of your own ship of life, therefore you have the power to steer your ship in the direction that you want it to go, and being the captain of your own life allows you to sail into uncharted waters of new and exciting opportunities.

But when you allow that negative self to dominate, you're allowing the crew to make all the decisions and when that happens they will steer you into choppy and turbulent waters.

When you try new things, if it does not always work out the first time, that does not mean you should throw in the towel.

Because with each new attempt you will get better and better, and as you learn more and more you will increase your skill level and your ability to make it happen.

The idea of goals and desires is to take you to an experience which is beyond the one that you're living at the moment.

Anything becomes possible once you ditch the self sabotage and you replace it with a bit more self respect and a positive mental attitude.

Most people allow setbacks or a bit of discomfort to force them to give up on their goals and ambitions.

The correct way to do things is not to allow your feelings and setbacks to derail you, but to work on your feelings and to carry on and do it despite how you feel and despite any setbacks. 

Desires will take you to where you want to go, self sabotage will hold you in a place where you don't want to be.

Break your self sabotaging patterns

One of the reasons why we self sabotage so much is because it is our brain's way of trying to help us to try and avoid or move away from pain.

Because the primary job of our brain is to help us to avoid pain, most people tend to only focus on the worst case scenario.

You might think that your brain is working against you, but if you stop and think about the reason why you're self sabotaging then you will probably uncover and underlying positive reason why your own brain is trying to sabotage you.

Let' say, you want to start your own business, but you may have a fear of failing.

In this case, your brain will try and self sabotage your efforts, because it thinks if you fail, then that is going to cause you pain, so the positive reason here, would be to avoid the pain of failing.

Or, perhaps, you have had a previous bad relationship or you were hurt by a relationship breakup, which caused you a lot of emotional pain.

So, your brain, might try to stop you from forming a new relationship, so you don't have to risk going through the same emotional suffering again.

Fear is also a form of self sabotaging, and the positive reason behind your fears is usually, your brain is trying to make sure you avoid some form of pain, which could be either, physical pain or emotional pain.

Self sabotaging can seriously hold you back and prevent you from growing. 

Fear and self sabotaging are all about patterns and feelings, often where you imagine the worst case scenario all the time, or you imagine and see things going wrong.

To end the self sabotaging, you have to start to break up the patterns and change the feelings.

If you have any self doubts or fears, start to imagine and see things going well or right, so you can begin to change the feelings.

See yourself being calm and confident, see yourself succeeding and imagine everything going exactly as you would want it to go, and focus on how great it feels.

Because, the general rule is, what you can imagine or can create and become.

Every time you take on a new challenge or everytime you come through a stressful or challenging situation, no matter how good or bad it went.

Congratulate yourself, give yourself some praise for being brave and focus on how well you did and how well things went, as this associate positive feelings to that event which will prevent you developing a fear of that situation.

If you're feeling a bit anxious or your worried about something going wrong, let you know that, you have the ability to handle it or do it.

Give yourself some positive reassurance, let you know, that you know that everything will be OK and try to train your brain to focus more on the best possible outcome rather than blowing the worst case scenario totally out of proportion all the time.





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