You're only hurting yourself
The thing with anger is, although you can temporary hurt or upset other people's feelings in the long term if you're getting mad all the time, then the only real person it is going to ever really hurt and effect badly, is you.
Anger is a terrible state to be in and it will rob you're of all your power and control not to mention all the trouble it can push you into and all the friends and loved ones you can lose because of it.
"Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration "Dr Phil.
The emotion associated with anger is so strong it makes us behave out of character, it keeps our attention locked into defensive, fight and aggressive mode.
In this physical state of intense emotion and energy we act before we have time to think things through logically.
Anger blocks out your rational mind, it can make you act aggressively and confrontational, this can cause you to react aggressively first before you have time to try and discuss or resolve the problem in a sensible manner.
Some of the causes of anger
- You believe that things should be done in a certain way
- You're trying to satisfy your ego or pride
- Living up to your reputation or self image
- When you think somebody as violated or stepped over your boundaries
- Feelings of failure
- Being overly tired or run down
- Not feeling well or being in some form of pain
- Having too many stimulants like too much sugar, alcohol and caffeine.
Other things that can trigger anger are, we get more annoyed with ourselves because we think we lacking in some area's of our lives, say someone says something hurtful and personal to us.
It is not just the comment that annoys but the fact we believe it to be true and we seem powerless to change what we don't like about ourselves.
Another example of us being more annoyed with ourselves is, again say somebody does something bad to us or they say a nasty remark and we don't handle it very well at the time.
This can make us mad with ourselves because we think we came across as weak or we did not stick up for ourselves.
Jealousy is another root cause of anger, but there should be no need for you to be jealous about anybody.
Tips To Help You Manage And Control Your Anger
If you have already reached a point where you already anger issues have gotten out of control, then it may pay you to seek professional medical specialist help to help you to deal with your anger so you can get you and your life back.
2) Burn off your excess energy
When you are experiencing strong emotions and feelings such as anger, your mind will search for ways to try to and justify these feelings.
We react more with anger at times when we are feeling overly stressed, frustrated or tense and more often than not, if we are already in a negative mood or we feel agitated and irritated, those angry situations tend to find you.
When your body is tense, then you will tend to have more tense and annoying thoughts and you will have more angry reactions, so spending some time relaxing deeply can reduce your outburst.
You still might have issues to deal with but you will generally find that when you're feeling more relaxed, you will handle situations more calmly where before you would have reacted badly.
Things like meditation or going for long walks and observing nature will help you to let go of all that pent up anger.
Listening to relaxing music can help you to reduce your anger because the soothing rhythms of the music can transform your energy back to a calmer state.
The good thing about relaxing deeply is not only will it induce feelings of calm, but you will also find that all those trivial things that were annoying you will no longer bother you anymore.
Practicing, deeply relaxing will take time, but the more you train yourself to feel calm the more control you will have over your responses and actions.
4) Identify the root source of your anger
To overcome your anger, you may need to pinpoint and address the root cause of it because although in some cases there may be some justification for your outburst most of the time the only person to blame is yourself.
This will involve going deeper inside yourself to see if you can identify what's triggering your anger, you need to get to know yourself and your emotions so you can put a break on all that emotional arousal.
This means developing a bit of emotional intelligence. Our emotions act as inner guidance, they relay information to us which is coming from our subconscious mind.
These messages can mean one of two things. First, it can be
If you're having a lot of anger thoughts and reactions then this could indicate that there is something wrong inside that needs addressing or letting go of.
We like to blame everything and everyone, but in the majority of situations the real problem lies with you.
The next time you feel the red mist rising, pause, especially as you know it's potentially bad for your health and your well-being and just ask yourself is all the pain and damage that you're about to inflict on yourself are really worth it.
Try to pinpoint the root cause of your anger and if you dig beneath the surface you may discover the source of your rage could be, things like
- You're not fulfilling your goals, wants and expectations.
So you may need to look at some of the underlying emotions that are the source of your bad temper.
It pays to accept that your ideology, beliefs and you standards may be very different to others and you can learn to disagree without falling out or getting angry.
We all make mistakes, so try not to overreact if someone makes a mistake or they don't meet your standards.
Try to identify your triggers and work on them and change the way you react and become mindful so you can spot the early signs of anger so you can intervene before you get out of control.
5) Change the way you respond
Once you have pinpointed what it is that is triggering your angry responses you then need to be mindful so you can consciously intervene and break up these habitual patterns of
There are always other possibilities and better ways to respond, when you're angry or upset with somebody you will only tend to see the situation from your point of view or your you will judge things by your rules or standards.
Yet to prevent any outburst it is always better to consider other people's opinions and points of view because not everybody has the same beliefs and not everybody wants to live their lives the way you do.
When we're angry, we can blow everything out of proportion so try to see if you're making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Also make sure you get adequate amounts of sleep and rest because tiredness can make you feel more irritated.
6) Thoughts and your imagination
The angry thoughts that you have usually come after the strong emotions and physical symptoms.
It is the emotion and the feelings that drive all those angry thoughts that you're having.
The emotion becomes before the angry thoughts, which drives you to re-enact what happened or to plot your revenge.
Those angry stories if you follow them will push you to seek revenge and retribution.
Sometimes our imagination makes things up, so you cannot always trust it and try not to get engaged with it, especially when we suspect something, but were not really sure of an the outcome or the truth.
This is when our imagination can fill in the gaps and make things up, to try and make sense of our feelings.
You cannot control everything in your environment, you cannot always control all of your thoughts.
But you can learn to change the way you respond to your thoughts and you can begin to change your attitude towards all the things that have been upsetting you.
Some people actually like the anger in a way because it can make them feel powerful and dominant and they use it as a defensive mechanism to prevent people from picking on them.
You need to be able to put a buffer in between your thoughts and the emotional arousal so the anger does not have a chance to build up any sort of momentum.
Focus more on your outside environment, do more of the things that you enjoy and keep yourself occupied.
You can use your imagination to practice feeling calm and controlled in all those types of situation where before you would react with anger.
Visualizing situations where you see yourself keeping cool and calm in those situations that would normally trigger an angry response is also a good way of preparing yourself mentally to stay calm and control in the future.
If you are struggling with your anger or you find that a particular subject or incident keeps cropping up, then you may need to do some emotional work, the link below will help you manage and control your anger.
7 Change your perceptions
Although you will probably have your own anger trigger points and situations, most of the time it's not the situations that are totally responsible for all of your anger outburst it also has a lot to do with your thoughts and your perceptions that your having about those situations.
Yes there will be times when people and things annoy you but the larger part of people's and is a direct result of all the after thoughts that they have long after the situation has passed.
As you may have already noticed anger attracts more anger and more angry related thoughts. If you have gotten angry then you need to release all that energy otherwise it can damage your health.
Then you may need to start to change some of your perceptions. Ask yourself is the thing that is bothering you really that important and does it really matter that much to you.
There will be times when you have to stand up for yourself but sometimes changing your perceptions or looking at the situation from a different point of view can help to stem those angry thoughts.
8) Find Better Ways To Handle Situations
9) Breathe your way back to calmness
10) Let it go
Another way to reduce your anger is to learn how to let go and to forgive and forget, yes, there may be people who have done horrible acts or said nasty things to you, but remember your not forgiven them for their own benefit, your doing it for your own good.
If you can learn to let go of all your resentment and hate then you will free yourself from the living hell you're putting yourself through.
Constantly, winding yourself up over something or someone that has upset you can and often does escalate itself into a bigger problem.
It's bad enough when someone has caused you upset once, but for your own sake release it, otherwise you will
Life is too short and precious to hold a grudge, resentment leads to tension and tension prompts you to seek revenge.
Letting go of something does not mean you are excusing them for what they have done it just means you are freeing yourself from the pain.
Walking away from an argument before it gets out of control is hard, but it is the wise thing to do because there are never any winners in an argument, in some relationship heated arguments the damage can be irreversible, yet if one person had the strength and wisdom to walk away the relationship would have been saved.
If you cannot avoid confrontation, there are several outcomes which can happen, we may react with anger to the person or persons involved and then forget about after we have calmed down.
We might, however, start to resent them afterwards, which can lead to bitterness and hatred which we can lead to future confrontations.
Or we may do nothing and then dwell on the situation later. If we do nothing this can cause us to start to over analyze what happened, we can then become annoyed with ourselves because we consider ourselves as being weak for not standing up to the person.
This can cause us to bottle up our emotions, we might keep returning to the memory and reliving it from every conceivable angle or we might think about seeking revenge. You cannot step out of the anger state if you stay focused on the thing that has upset you.
When you feel like someone has done, you an injustice and sometimes if you have been treated badly it can build up to inner hatred and resentment which can be hard to let go.
11) Take control of your feelings and actions
To help you do this you first have to is either deal with the person or situation that has annoyed you or accept the situation and then let the matter go, just release it and refuse to be drawn into an inner conflation with yourself.
Sometimes no matter how calm you might be something or someone will annoy you or upset you, the good thing if you're feeling calm at the time you will handle the situation a lot better that you would if you were stressed or angry and your response will be less
If you're finding yourself responding to everyday
Reacting badly to things that are not in your control is not going to help you because once you make a habit of reacting angrily to everything little thing and everyone, then you will be handing over all your power and control too the situation or person.
Once you have calmed down either try and resolve your issues in a sensible manner or let the matter go for your own benefit. Avoid falling into the trap of allowing your ego and pride to transform you into a angry state just to prove a point.
Having a good massage can relax the body and you can buy some good electrical home massage devises, also adopting an upright, but relaxed, aligned and balanced posture will reduce your stress and tension.
When people are angry, they tend to pull their shoulders back and stick out their chests which makes them more aggressive, so if you're noticing yourself doing this, release the tension and allow your body to relax.
Keep reminding yourself that you need to remain calm when you are about to face a stressful or difficult situation or person, before you head into a stressful situation do some slow deep breaths, affirm to yourself, " my goal is to be calm and assertive."
Each morning as you wake start the day of by telling yourself
" Today I am not going to let anything or anybody upset me, I choose to be calm and relaxed."
12) Only Review A Situation When You Feel Calm
Sometimes we can misinterpret a scenario and get it wrong, our anger is based on our own personal laws and perspectives based on how we perceive a situation.
Sometimes we either have to change our perceptions or view things from the other person's point of view.
The moment you lose control is the moment you hand over all your power to the other person, they will then be in complete control of you and how you feel.
If you are always getting angry, you need to take a look at things from the other person's perspective, so before you tackle a situation, try and make sure you're calm so you can take a look at both sides of the argument.
Remember, just because you think you're right does not make you right or your actions justified. If you keep getting angry with people than you will push your friends away.
Sometimes we have to examine our own beliefs and take a look at our own actions and circumstances instead of blaming everybody else for how we're feeling.
It is far to easy to blame everyone else rather that consider the fact that we could be at least partly to blame. We are all human and we all make mistakes so before you lash out at someone else bare in mind that whatever they did they probably did not mean to do it.
You need to try to avoid that initial explosive response so you can prevent the strong emotional arousal.
Because it is smarter to be able to stay calm and control plus you will find yourself more able to deal with challenging situations much more easily when you are calm but assertive.
Both these techniques can be a good way of changing how your state and how you respond in the future. Other powerful method for learning to let go of the emotional triggers is emotional freedom techniques or thought field therapy.
13) Keep An Anger Diary
Keep and anger diary and after every time you reacted angrily or aggressively to a person or situation write down what happened, how you could have handled things differently or what you could have done to avoid or prevent the angry reaction.
Also write down what measure you employed to try and manage your anger such as, pausing for a minute and counting to ten, walking away from the confrontation or taking some slow deep breaths. After each situation, ask yourself or write down what you learned and what mistakes you made.
14) Learn How To Express Yourself
If you are getting angry all the time, then you may need to learn how to express yourself a bit more. Don't attempt to express yourself when
Never try to suppress your emotions, if your angry fins somewhere where quiet and have a good shout and scream or punch a cushion or pillow.
You may need to search deep inside yourself to see if you can uncover any other reasons for your anger.
Your anger can be a by-product of another problem so it may pay you to learn how to focus on the solution rather than beating yourself up over your problem. Your anger maybe a result from some of the people that you mix with or work with.
If certain people are causing you to respond angrily then it may pay you to avoid those people if you can't avoid them then wise up to them and don't let them wind you up all the time.
Writing is a good way to express yourself, so if there is a particular topic or thing that annoys you and you feel passionate about it make your voice be heard.
Join a discussion group or a forum or write some comments on a website or blog that deals with the kind of things that annoy you or you can start your own blog or make a you tube video.
15) Try not to be perfect
Trying to be perfect can lead to feelings of anger and frustration, of course you want to be and do your
If you make a mistake laugh or shrug it off, learn from it and move on. Often people get annoyed when they are not reaching the standards or they are not getting the results that they expect.
It can also cause people to get angry when other people are not conforming to the standards they expect or they have a different view point or different beliefs to them.
Everybody is different and everybody has their own opinions, idea's and beliefs. Some people like to live their lives differently to others so as long as they are not crossing your boundaries then sometimes we have to make allowances for this.
Sometimes things go wrong and if your doing something like a task or even a hobby and everything keeps going wrong, instead of getting more and more annoyed and wound up.
Stop what you're doing and take a good relaxing break or if you're having a really bad day leave what you're doing if you can and start again another day when you're feeling calm.
16) Try not to get emotionally involved with the world around you
There is a lot of bad stuff going on in the world around us and although if there is something that you feel strongly about regarding what's going on in the world or in your country or your community then have your say or do what you can to help out.
However, you cannot solve all the worlds problems by yourself and spending all your time watching, reading and listening to all the bad stuff that is taking place can constantly keep you stuck in an angry place and it can all get a bit emotionally draining and overwhelming.
Although some things have to be taken seriously try to have more fun and enjoyment because when you're trying to fight life, you, the system and everything else, then you're going to eventually burn yourself out.
Try not to take yourself and life too seriously all of the time because a little less hate would go a long way to end all the tension and troubles in the world.
The Program That Will Teach You Ways To Stop Being Angry
Although you cannot always control everything, every annoying person and every situation that happens in your environment, but you can control the way you choose to respond to them.
If you want to get over your anger then you have to take full responsibility and although we like to blame everything, society and everyone sometimes we have to take a good look out ourselves and start to dig into the reasons why we get so angry and then take action to stop the anger at it's root source.
You cannot experience a fulfilling and successful life and you will never have long term happiness and inner peace if you're always angry because they are two very different contrasting energies and like attracts like.
You can be free of your anger issues and life without anger is a whole lot better for you personally, your health, your well-being and for your family and friends without it.
You may have been suffering with anger issues for so long now that you've forgotten how good life can be, living without anger and how great it feels to experience inner peace and calm.
Once you manage to deal with your anger you will be free to channel your energy, talents onto something that is going to benefit you and help you unlock your real skills and creativity that have been laying dormant inside of you.
This course below will help you maintain a more calm and controlled balance outlook and emotional response preventing those once impulse damaging responses, thus reducing your stress levels your blood pressure while at the same time it will also stop your anger at the source.
This is a comprehensive anger management program created by a real person (watch the video if you have any doubts) who will help you deal with your anger and those outbursts of rage.
(As i believe in honesty, if you buy through this link a small percentage of the sale will go to the upkeep, costs and the continuous improvements to this website, I only recommend products I use myself or the ones I personally believe they will benefit and improve your life)
Tap into your true spiritual happiness
Learn how to deal with the root cause of your anger
Start to lower your stress levels and return back to inner peace
Enjoy the many health benefits of positive thinking
Nearly all the most successful people relax for twenty minutes a day
Stop fighting with your thoughts and learn how to quieten them
Wise up to fear and learn how to tame and outsmart the beast
Worrying can affect your health and quality of life
Tips on how to become more successful in your life
Help to end panic attacks and general anxiety disorder
Use the power of hypnosis to tap into the software of your mind
Out with the old and in with the new ideal and more happier you